lighting up my life

It hurts. I swirl the ice in my cup, ignoring the way my heart clenches at the very sight of him. God, it hurts so bad.

The party isn't overly loud or obnoxious, but my head throbs, signaling an oncoming migraine. People have tried talking to me, but I probably seem far from sober, seeing how I'm dead, for all intents and purposes. I've been absolutely gutted. 

Dawn's laughing with him, like they don't have a care in the world. I wish she didn't. She deserves everything good this shitty little town has to offer and more. She might as well be my sister, after everything she's done for me. I love her so fucking much. And she's just… talking to him. She doesn't know. She couldn't know, I've never told her, but my heart feels like they've ripped it out together. She doesn't deserve that, I know, but I still can't take it. 

"What’s up with you?" It takes a moment to register that Sarah's talking to me, leaning forward with her cup dangling dangerously from her hand. "Worried your girlfriend'll get swept up by Mister Hotshot over there?"

"She's not my girlfriend. Besides, I, uh… I know him." Bile rises in my throat, and I down another swig of rum and coke.

"Wait, really? Who is he?"

"His name's Apollo." Pollo is just a bit taller, pushing 6'5, probably, and his hair is shorter, but it’s definitely him. He looks the same, still. I don't. I had a growth spurt over the summer, stopped sitting around on my ass, got pretty fucking good at track, and gave myself a better haircut. It's amazing what hurt will do to a person, really. 

Dawn glances over at us and breaks into her adorable shit-eating grin.

"Wyn!!!" She skips over to us, bursting with positive energy, and smiles up at me from under her eyelashes as I ruffle her hair. She's like a kid. "I didn't think you'd actually come!"

"The things I do for you, pest."

"Love you too. Come meet my new friend!" New friend. It's laughable. The last time I'd seen Pollo, he'd been kissing my bio sister. I shouldn't really blame him. Who am I kidding, I don't blame him, he was always oblivious to me, but my actual sister had known exactly what I thought of him. She'd practically spit on me afterward, telling me to stop 'corrupting' straight guys. Like getting kicked out of the house hadn't been bad enough, my whole damn family couldn't stand me because I just happened to like boys. I ended up with Dawn's family instead.

I don't know what happened, but my baby crush on a random boy had kicked me in the gut in the worst way possible, and he was the damn catalyst.

"I'm good, but thanks, Dawn. I just wanted to say hi, make sure you were doing fine." 

"Um, Wyn, could I actually have a minute?" I jump, because just when did he get next to me? And why does he feel the need to stand so close? I'm going to die at Pollo’s hand. "Promise, it'll be quick."

"Sure," I say, and maybe my last thought wasn't a hyperbole, because he takes my hand and drags me outside. "Uh-"

"Are you alright? Do you have a place to stay? I heard your parents kicked you out right before that whole thing with Elena, and I didn’t see you again, and- Jesus fucking Christ, Wyn, I was so worried." 

I blink.

"Why? We weren't friends," I mutter. Pollo looks at me, his eyes narrowing and eyebrows coming together, and I immediately feel terrible, because he doesn't just look confused, he looks hurt.

"Oh. I thought we were."

"You talked to everyone, I wasn’t just going to assume you liked me." The hurt falls away a bit. He looks even more confused.

"Elena didn't tell you?" Now I'm confused.

"Didn’t tell me what? She said some random homophobic shit, I dunno. We haven't talked since. She stopped being my sister when she sided with my parents. She wouldn’t tell me anything, believe me." 

"Well, um, I-" His skin is too dark to see if he's pale or blushing, but it has to be one or the other. I lean forward unconsciously, instinctively trying to examine him. "I may have been a little bit too honest about why I turned her down."

"You turned her down?" I've been out of the loop, sure, but this is really far from where I thought the story would go. "I just assumed she kissed you to prove a point and then, after she made sure I'd seen it, she'd said what she said out of spite."

"Oh, she really didn't tell you."

"Wait, she said I 'corrupted straight guys' what does that even mean?" He's absolutely blushing now, actively leaning back from me. "What did you say to her?" 

"I told her I liked you?" Pollo whispers, and I have to bite back a smile.

"What was that?"

"You fucking heard me, asshole." I gesture from him to lean down to my meager 5'9 height, cupping my hands around his ear.

"Bet I like you more." He rolls his eyes, straightening back up.

"Everything's a competition with you, isn't it?"

"Pretty much."

"But seriously, are you doing okay? Do you have a place to stay, ‘cuz I have a guest room with its own bathroom and everything." I take his hand, holding it up to interlace our fingers right in front of my eyes, trying to prove this is really happening.

"I'm fine, Pollo. I'm staying with Dawn. She's great, isn't she?"

"She's alright, I guess," he says, gripping my hand just a little tighter.

"Aw, jealous much?"

"You look gorgeous, Wyn, can you blame me? She literally said she loved you a few minutes ago." Unlike Pollo, my skin is the opposite of subtle when it comes to blushing. Despite his claim of not being competitive, he looks awfully self-satisfied. "Are you alright? You look a bit flushed."

"Oh my God, I take it back, I have never hated anyone more than you in this moment."

"That's too bad, I happen to like you a lot." I sigh, leaning into him.

"You're insufferable."

"I'm yours."

"There’s nothing I want more."

Sarah is a little confused when we come back holding hands and bickering, but Dawn looks like she couldn't be happier. Later that night, she tells me that she hasn't seen me so genuine since I stood on her doorstep in the rain, most of my things stuffed in a suitcase at my side.

I tell her I'm glad to have a bit of a family again.