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Fantasy Funny

“Jaz! We really should not be here, it’s dangerous!” Aurelia the princess of Decia moaned.

Jazcyn smirked and looked back at her friend, as they traversed one of the many hidden passageways within the Royal palace of Decia.

A small ball of light floated alongside her, illuminating the dark passageways “Where’s your sense of adventure Auri?! You live in a palace with lots of secrets! We must explore them!”

“But there are dangerous things down here! I’ve heard stories of servants going missing! Besides I have to wear this stupid dress! I wish my parents were adventurers… We should get back before our parents find out we are missing!” Aurelia whined.

Jazcyn frowned and looked back once more, her friend was wearing a pink frilly dress as she played with long braided blonde hair, and her sapphire blue eyes were filled with concern.

Meanwhile, she was wearing a small leather armour her parents had made for her so she could imitate her father. Today, her blonde hair was cut in a short ponytail; she normally kept it short to wear a helmet when she wanted.

She and Aurelia looked very similar, and she often had to act as Aurelia's body double at events. “We are twelve not kids! We are big girls!”

Aurelia grumbled, “We are children…”

Feeling frustrated at her sacred friend “If you feel that way, then go back yourself or stay here chicken”

“I’m not a chicken!” Aurelia stamped her foot and as she stamped her foot the walls began to shake and groan; dust and small stones fell. Aurelia screamed.

Jazcyn, however, turned around to watch as a doorway opened in the wall. Beaming at this discovery she said “Nice work, Auri. You found a door!” Not giving her friend, a chance to move or complain, she grabbed her friend's arm and dragged her in.

In the dim light, it seemed that the room was practically caved in, rocks and rubble were everywhere, snatching her small magic ball of light out of the air before throwing it high into the air, it bounced off the roof and remained there illuminating the room.

“Are these ancient runes?” Aurelia asked fascinated walking over to one of the broken pillars and inspecting it.

“Might be but hard to tell it’s way too faded, Mum would know…” Not interested in boring runes she walked over to the centre of a room where a single book lay on a pedestal, the book had a strange feel to it and its cover looked like a screaming skull. “Awesome!” She squealed and went to pick up the book.

Aurelia grabbed her arm to stop her “No Jaz! Do you not see the skull?! Skulls mean danger! Your mum is the head court magician, she will tell you if it’s safe! So, let’s go get her!” Aurelia tried to drag her to the doorway.

But now she had seen the book, she knew she had to open it, the impulse to know what was inside was screaming at her to do so! She pulled her arm free and picked up the book.

Immediately the room began to shake, and her danger sense went off, yelling “Run!” To Aurelia, she sprinted back out of the room turning back only to give a sharp whistle for her lightball to return to her.

The pair continued running until they returned to Aurelia’s room where Jazcyn collapsed laughing. Aurelia panting. “That book is bad news! I’m going to tell your mum!”

Jazcyn rolled over “Come on! Please no! Let’s see what it is first!” She begged, but her friend began walking to the door.

In a desperate attempt to prove it was not dangerous, she began to open the book however she found it to be empty. Dejectedly she stated, “It’s empty!”

Aurelia turned her hand on the doorknob “What do you mean it’s empty”?!

Jazcyn held up the book “Look it’s empty… No wait, there's writing? Huh it says write what you want to happen?!” she said reading aloud as words appeared on the page like magic.

Impulse only grew within her; she went to her friend's desk and took out a quill with ink. “Jaz no stop! You don’t know what that thing is! Let’s find your mum. She can tell us if it’s safe or not! Please listen to reason!”

Not listening to her boring friend, she wrote the words. “A giant jam tart the size of a small dog appears in the room.” There was a small pop and suddenly a large jam tart the size of a small dog popped into existence in the room.

She felt slightly tired as if the book had taken her magic but that was a small price to pay for the tart! “Look what I did Aurelia!” She squealed in delight, walking over to the tart and breaking off a piece before tasting it “Yes it’s real!”

“Wow! We can end starvation with this!” Aurelia exclaimed. 

“Your thinking is too boring! I wonder what else we can do!” She looked around for some inspiration and saw a robin. Feeling inspired she wrote, “A robin flies to the window and does a dance.”

It took a moment, but the robin flew to the windowsill and began to dance, waving its wings and kicking its legs. “Look Auri!” She said excitedly, before scribbling. “The robin while dancing breaks into the song”. When she had finished writing the robin began to sing as it danced.

Jumping up and down excitedly she exclaimed “Whatever I write comes true!”

Aurelia however did not look impressed but scared. “Jaz we really need to show your mum this book!”

Jazcyn groaned loudly. “You are being so boring and serious Auri! Come on be fun! This won’t be like last time!” She stared at Aurelia giving her best puppy eye look.

“Fine…” With a deep sigh, Aurelia walked over and took the quill. As she finished suddenly her room tidied itself, all the dust they dragged in was gone, the bed was made, and the room was so clean Jaz could see her face reflected in the floor.

“You could write anything, and you chose for your room to be clean!” She exclaimed in shock.

“Well, I feel guilty that the palace servants have to do it…” Jaz rubbed her temple shaking her head. “Stop giving me that look! Fine! I’ll show you I’m not boring!” Aurelia began to scribble furiously, grinning over the fact her friend had stopped being hesitant she eagerly awaited to see what she would do!

Another pop and a set of armour much like her own appeared on the floor. “There see I’m not boring!”

“That’s better Auri! Put it on put it on!” Aurelia scrambled to put it on, but it was all wrong. The straps were in the wrong place, and it was hanging awkwardly.

With a sigh, Jaz began to help her friend put her armour on correctly. “It’s so heavy and hard to move” Aurelia moaned. “How can you wear this stuff?!”

“I’ve worn armour since I could walk… I asked Mum and Dad since I could talk to be a knight like my dad! It is all I want! So, dad is training me” she said proudly.

“I’m jealous your parents allow you to be who you want,” Aurelia muttered.

“Perhaps you could write in here and change your parents?! We could even be sisters!”

Aurelia stroked the book with her hand a thoughtful look on her face. “No, I have a really bad feeling about that! Let’s just keep it small! Nothing big, ok?! Or I really will go to your mum!”

Jazcyn shrugged “Alright fine you spoilsport! Let’s see what else we can do!” She charged off snatching the book with Aurelia hot on her heels.

“But we are wasting the tart!” Aurelia wailed. “Wait up this armour is heavy!”

Once again, she ignored Aurelia and ran through the palace dodging the odd servant and guard, almost running into her father who was walking alongside the King through the corridors, they appeared to be in a big conversation

Her father was dressed in his battle armour, he was the General of the armed forces of Decia and often acted as the king's bodyguard when he was not leading the army. “My king how many times did I warn you about this?! You're putting both our necks on the line here! You're lucky I pre-emptive this and the jeweller will be here tomorrow!”

“Veric you have saved my life and my marriage once again! What would I do without you, my friend!” The king laughed. Hearing them she attempted to dive behind a plant until they passed.

“Properly you would be murdered by your wife for forgetting your anniversary once again! My king I must stress you be more mindful for both our sakes… Jaz! What are you doing young lady?! Ah, Your Highness greetings” His voice turned sharp as he looked at her but bowed his head respectfully to Aurelia his brow furrowed when he noticed the armour.

Aurelia opened her mouth, but Jazcyn put her hand over her mouth to prevent her from snitching. “Nothing Dad!” Smiling as sweetly as she could, with her other hand trying to hide the book, she could tell instantly her dad did not believe her.

But before he could say anything a messenger ran over “My king, urgent report from the Northern Territory!”

The king nodded looking concerned “Veric let’s handle this, you two keep the mischief to a minimum this time!” He smiled kindly at them his eyes twinkling.

“But my king…” Her father started to say, while keeping his eyes, glued to her. She could tell he knew she was up to something; he always knew.

“Veric it’s alright, let the kids be kids, we don’t have any diplomatic visitors right now, as long as they don’t reenact last time I have no problem with it, besides with Zenerith away for the week I feel it’s in the kids’ best interest to relax and have fun. Now come!” The King smiled at them and strode off.

She flushed with embarrassment at the reminder of the last incident, while it had been mostly Aurelia's fault that time, she still caused some issues. Aurelia also looked embarrassed at the reminder.

Her father gave her a look before sighing “Jaz return whatever you are trying to hide behind your back where you found it and whatever you have planned keep it small. Now I will see you at dinner, don't be late or there will be no sword practice tonight.”

“Yes, father!” She sighed, as her father turned on his heel to follow the king.

“Jaz we should listen to your father and return that book! He will be really mad at you if you don’t! I’ve never seen him mad but don’t push it!” Aurelia warned.

“No! We can use this book to both help and prank!” She gave Aurelia her puppy eyes once more.

“Fine! Fine…” Aurelia sighed “But this time it’s on you! I warned you enough! But if you don’t keep it small, I will tell on you!” She insisted crossing her arms and looking stern.

Feeling slightly defeated that her partner in crime was chickening out she tried to persuade her. “You say that after the last time!”

“I say that because of last time! I’ve learned my lesson I hoped you had to, but I fear I was mistaken!”

Not wanting to argue anymore Jazcyn made her way to the training ground where many of the boys were training to become knights or guards. While the noble girls were ogling them and giggling stupidly.

“I wonder…” Jazcyn mused to herself she felt guilty for disobeying her dad. But she could not ignore her impulse. Hesitating for a moment she wrote, “The belts of all the boys in the training area snap and their trousers fall down.”

There were several loud snapping sounds, followed by many cries, screams and yells. She burst out laughing, as she watched the boys attempting to hold their trousers up with one hand, their training swords dropping to the ground.

Before they could figure out, she was the cause she fled the scene, Aurelia behind her laughing with her. “Hey… that's Duke Willhelm, pass me the book!” Aurelia insisted.

Without question, she handed over the book Aurelia began to write and suddenly with a loud pop the duke’s hair turned bright pink.

Unable to contain the giggles Jazcyn sunk to her knees. “That will teach him to make fun of Miss Karolina's hair!” Aurelia joked. “Ok, what’s next?!”

Together they plotted, planned and pranked until the sun began to set, by this time both of them felt like they had the whole world in their hands.

The pranks had started small like birds pooping on the meaner nobles' heads, books flying out of people’s hands like soap.

Noble men’s clothes were switched to dresses and vice versa while they were wearing them. Watching the adults scream and yell in confusion caused them to laugh until their stomachs hurt.

The girls took turns to prank the different people until finally all around the castle they had made the servants break into song and dance about whatever they were doing be it cleaning the castle, cutting the hedges or cooking.

It was like something was whispering to them urging them onwards to do more, to pull pranks. The urge had been getting stronger and stronger all day “Ok, Jaz what’s next?!”

“Perhaps we can make all the other girls break out in horrible pimples! That their dresses turn to rags and their shoes fall apart! Oooh, what about it happens when they speak to their crushes!”

Aurelia's eyes went wide with excitement “Those are really good ideas! Let’s do them!”

“I’ll take that!” A cold familiar voice snapped from behind sending shivers up her spine as the book was snatched from her hands, her neck stiff she turned around to see her father and mother.

Her father passed the book to her mother whose face turned as pale as snow before going red she looked angrier then Jazcyn had ever seen her before, and she knew she was in very deep trouble.

“Where did you get that book, young lady!” Her mother demanded; her eyes felt like they were staring right into her soul.

“I found it in a cave while exploring with Aurelia! I can take you there!” She squeaked, knowing that lying would only make the trouble worse.

“Jazcyn! Do you not realise what this book is? How dangerous this book is!” Her mother waved the book at her. “You be quiet in there I will get to you in a moment devil” Her mother yelled to the book and the strange whispering stopped instantly.

It was extremely rare for her mother to yell at her, it was only when she did something very bad or dangerous did her mother raise her voice like that, and tears began falling down her face. “I’m sorry mum…” she whimpered.

Her mother's facial expression did not change “You should not be sorry to me but to all the people you have harmed and mark my words you will be apologising to each and every one of them and that will only be the beginning of your punishment! That goes for you as well Aurelia I have already spoken to your father!”

Aurelia hung her head “Yes Miss Alexia…I am sorry! But what is that book?”

Her mother turned the book over glaring at it with hatred. “This book girls is what is known as a death book. Long ago a mage sealed a devil inside to do his bidding using an ancient forbidden and thankfully forgotten piece of magic.

It is mostly used to murder people, write a name and how they die and that’s what happens. They have been used before to topple kingdoms; these books are fortunately very rare… We are very fortunate it was found by witless children and not hardened criminals or other hands… You both are extremely lucky that no one was harmed in this other than shattered pride! To think you would use such dark magic! I am disappointed in both of you!”

“What will happen to the book? We could use it for good! We can make food and help all the starving people out there!” Aurelia asked bravely.

“Aurelia… These books love those with good intentions like yourself and those of a mischievous nature like Jaz. They start small appearing helpful but slowly they corrupt your nature making you greedier and more self-centred were you not mere moments ago plotting to hex all the other girls!”

White holy fire engulfed her mother's hands, and the book turned to ash letting out a horrifying ear-piercing scream as it did.

Her father stepped forward unlike her mother his voice was steely calm. His eyes filled with disappointment causing her to look away in shame. “Tell me, girls, had you succeeded what would you have done next? What if you were to kill someone? Or seriously harm them? It appears neither of you thought about it and became drunk on the power offered.

This is why we are so angry and disappointed with you both. Both of you are smart enough to know better! But at the same time, I share some blame for not taking the book earlier…”

Her parent's words felt like a hammer to her pride she had never felt this guilty before, “I’m truly sorry! It’s not your fault Dad I should have told you!” Jazcyn cried.

“Me too!” Aureli said tears falling down her face.

“Sorry alone won’t fix this! Now come, you have a lot of apologies to give out before the day is done!” Her father ordered.

September 04, 2024 18:48

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