Is That Not Flirting?

Dear Noah Robert Williams, III, Esq.,

I feel compelled to use your full name.  It may be childish, but I believe childish and flirtatious are sometimes, as in my case, synonymous.  I added the esquire for fun because we’ve earned it, damn it. 

Not many people liked the alphabetical seating arrangement, but I secretly did, although it’s probably not so secret anymore.  I’m not a subtle person. Somewhere along the way I lost my filter.  I think undergrad (Didn’t your mom go there as well?) corrupted me; that’s a story for a different day.  We didn’t have many classes together, but with you a Williams and me a Williamson we were practically guaranteed to sit next to each other.  In Con Law, you and the guy next to us bet on how many minutes into class I would get cold-called because it always happened.  You found an answer in the book during NY Practice, and our whole row made you explain the answer when the professor asked.  You teased me that I threw you under the bus.  At first, I’ll admit, you were just the guy that sat next to me, but along the way, something shifted and my world changed. 

Despite not talking much at Barrister’s Ball, we ended up chatting at the end of the night.  You were with your girlfriend, and you both lured me to the bar.  (I went willingly, okay?)  On the way there I was cold, so you gave me your suit coat.  A man has never been this gentlemanly with me, so that one small gesture ignited a spark within me.  I will not; however, steal another woman’s man.  I kept in mind that you were taken. I kept it in mind.  Did it stop me from flirting with you?  Well, not exactly. 

You see I was in a similar situation in undergrad, (Remember, I went to the same school as your mom? Obviously, not at the same time.) except this guy was dating one of my friends.  I questioned whether he was actually flirting with me.  On Halloween, he dressed as the grim reaper.  I don’t know what possessed him to do this, (Like what I did there?) but he, hidden behind his mask, reached out and put his hand on my shoulder.  My whole body had goosebumps. Almost as soon as it had happened, though, he removed his hand.  Is that not flirting?

Anyway, I digress.  I guess my point is that I think you were flirting with me too.  I wish I had had the courage to ask you to be my partner for moot court.  Instead, I ended up with a partner who didn’t know how to negotiate very well.  If I’m being honest, I wasn’t very good either.  We ended up pitted against you and Pam.  My partner later told me that she felt left out because I was friends with you and Pam.  I felt bad.  I was so focused on you, I didn’t even realize that I was leaving her out.  The only good news about that competition was we commiserated over how the judge was a bit off and rude and how that negotiation was uncomfortable.  The three of us (I think Pam had a crush on you too.) left questioning and laughing about what we had just gone through. 

Speaking of moot court, I am smart, but you are smarter, which led you to excel further in the competitions.  You were one of the lucky ones to score an invite to the moot court banquet.  Two of my other friends who were partners during the competition did too. 

During one of the receptions, I noticed that you were wearing glasses, which you never had previously.  I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I know I was hard core flirting.  It was something like they looked nice or I liked them.  (Remember, later Pam called you four eyes?)  I’ll never forget that reception when you, me, and my friends were standing around a table talking about the banquet.  One of you asked if I was going, and I said that I wasn’t invited.  You said and I quote “you can be my date.”  I’m assuming you didn’t have a girlfriend at this point because I’m sure you would’ve asked her.  I didn’t acknowledge your comment because I didn’t think you were serious. When you asked again, I, of course, accepted.  At the end of the night, I hurried off to tell my girlfriends.  I was ecstatic.  I question now whether it was a pity invite.  I was the only one who wasn’t going. Were you just being nice?

When the time came for the banquet, I didn’t know how to feel.  I was excited, sure, but also nervous.  I met you on the bus, things were a little awkward.  You didn’t sit with me, but we did sit together at the banquet.  When looking for a table you even made the comment about how nobody puts, Rachael in the corner.  Cheesy as all hell, but I was getting your attention.  Dinner was later than expected, and I had eaten brunch earlier, but nothing else.  The open bar and an empty stomach made me drunk.  We both ended up on the dance floor, but you didn’t dance with me.  In fact, you slow danced with another friend of ours.  I was insanely jealous.  I didn’t say anything.  Should I have?  Later, the bus dropped us off at the bar.  We were both drunk.  You agreed to do karaoke with me.  We picked Wagon Wheel, but by your standards, it had to be the Old Crow Medicine Show version, and not the Darius Rucker one.  (I like Darius, by the way.). Overall, I had a good night, but I felt like you were distant. Pam had to tell you to get me home safely, and she told you to share your suit coat with me.  It wasn’t the same.  I was disappointed. 

After graduation, we both stuck around school to study for the bar.  I remember one night at the library, you had made a paper airplane and threw it at me.  When I went upstairs to chat with a friend, I came back down and you had left a plane on top of my books.  I ended up with three planes by the time the night had ended.  Is that not flirting? 

The day we were finally admitted as lawyers, you sought me out and sat next to me.  You see, dear Noah, the reason for this letter is that you confused me.  Were you not flirting with me?  Why would you lead me on?   I’m not accusing you of any ill intentions, but it hurt.  Did I read you wrong? Please answer me. 

Yours Truly, 

Rachael 

Dear Noah Robert Williams, III, Esq.

It’s me again. You didn’t answer my last letter. My feelings aren’t hurt, much. (I’m lying. It’s all I think about.) You haven’t been on Facebook in a while, but last I knew you were married (She went to the same undergrad as your mom and me.) and expecting.  (She, she was expecting.  You know what I mean.)  After we left school, for a while, I had wished things were different.  I tried to forget about my feelings for you.  It’s not so easy when you’re only an hour away from me, and we’re in the same professional circle.  We don’t talk much, which is probably for the best.  I try not to text you every year wishing you a happy Lawyerversary.  (Yes, I know I’ve done it once or twice.)  As the years have passed, (Can you believe it’s been ten since law school?) I have, for the most part, learned to not obsess over you.  Every now and then though something happens to remind me.  I found your business card on the table at court.  Of course I had to text you that I saw it.   After that I was good for a while until recently. 

You see, dear Noah, I do trivia weekly.  The last round is always the music round where we have to name the song and artist we hear.  Guess what song I heard?  Yup, Wagon Wheel.  Of course, it wasn’t the song that really got me because I’ve heard it many time since.  It was the fact that it was the Old Crow Medicine Show version, and I was the only one on my team that knew it.  I have you and drunk karaoke to thank.  All of my feelings flooded back.  I had to text you too.  You responded nicely, thank you.  It probably wouldn’t have hit me so hard if I hadn’t been so damn single and lonely. Here’s hoping I’ll find love soon. 

I don’t know why I’ve written this letter to you.  I should leave the past in the past.  I know that I sound pathetic and desperate.  I can’t help myself.  I suppose, if you don’t like my letter, you can always turn it into a plane. 

Yours Truly,

Rachael