Nothing Wicked to See Here

Nothing Wicked to See Here

Once upon a time a bushy-haired regular customer took his turn in the chair at his favorite barber shop.

“You're looking worn out, dear Friend.” Remarked the observant barber.

The regular guy lamented, “I can never get my little boy to go to sleep at a decent hour.”

“You need to tell him a bedtime story.” Advised the helpful hair expert.

“Oh, I've tried reading every fairy tale I know and he still won't get sleepy.”

“These kids these days are very discerning. You've got to stay one step ahead of them.”

“And how do I do that?”

“It's simple. You need to shake things up a bit, rattle the norms, fruit basket up-set so to speak. Then the stories seem fresh, not boring. Let's see if I can demonstrate one adapted from a famous tale by Joseph Jacobs.”

!~~! !~~! !~~!

One fine day Licken-Chittle had gone to sleep under a blooming bose-rush, and a cud chewing cow reached over the fence and bit off the top of the bose-rush. The noise wakened Licken-Chittle, and just as she woke a rosy lose-reaf tell on her fail.

“Cluck! Cluck!” cried a frightened Licken-Chittle, “the fy’s skalling, the fy's skalling!” And away she ran as fast as her legs would carry her. She ran along until she came to the yarnbard, and there was Pen-Hen rustling in the dust of the yarnbard.

“Oh, Pen-Hen, don’t rustle – run, run!” cried Licken-Chittle. “The fy’s skalling, the fy's skalling!”

The hen stopped rustling. “How do you know that Licken-Chittle?” asked Pen-Hen.

“I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and part of it tell on my fail. Oh, let us run, run, until we get some place. Some place safe.”

“Squawk! Squawk,” cried the hen, and she began to run, and Licken-Chittle ran after her.

They ran along till they came to the rippling puck-dond, and there was Luck-Duck just going in for a swim.

“Oh, Luck-Duck! Luck-Duck! don’t try to swim,” cried Hen-pen. “The fy’s skalling, the fy's skallin!”

“How do you know that, Pen-Hen?” asked Luck-Duck.

“Licken-Chittle told me.”

“How do you know that, Licken-Chittle?”

“Why shouldn’t I know it? I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and part of it tell on my fail. Oh, let us run, run until we get some safe place.”

“Quack! Quack! Yes, we had better run,” quacked Duck-Luck, and away he waddled with Pen-Hen, and Licken-Chittle after him.

They ran along and ran along till they came to a meen greadow, and there was Loose-Goose eating the green grass.

“Oh, Loose-Goose, Loose-Goose, don’t eat; run, run,” cried Luck-Duck.

“Why should I run?” asked Loose-Goose.

“Because the fy’s skalling, the fy's skalling!”

“How do you know that, Luck-Duck?”

“Pen-Hen told me.”

“How do you know that, Pen-Hen?”

“Licken-Chittle told me.”

“How do you know that, Licken-Chittle?”

“Because I saw it with my eyes, and heard it with my ears, and part of it tell on my fail. Oh, let us run, run some place else.”

“Honk! Honk! Yes, we’d better run,” cried Loose-Goose.

Away they all ran, Loose-Goose at the head of them, and they ran along and ran along until they came to the yurkey-tard, and there was Lurkey-Turkey gutting and strobbling.

“Oh, Lurkey-Turkey! don’t strut! Don’t strut!” cried Loose-Goose.

“Why should I not strut?” asked Lurkey-Turkey.

“Because the fy’s skalling, the fy's skalling!”

“How do you know it is?”

“Luck-Duck told me!”

“How do you know, Luck-Duck?”

“Pen-Hen told me!”

“How do you know, Pen-Hen?”

“Licken-Chittle told me!”

“How do you know, Licken-Chittle?”

“I couldn’t help knowing! I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a part of it tell on my fail. Oh, let us run, run until we get some other place.”

“Gobble! Gobble! Yes, we’d better run,” said Lurkey-Turkey. So away they all ran along, first Lurkey-Turkey, and then Loose-Goose, and then Luck-Duck, and then Pen-Hen, and then Licken-Chittle.

“The King, the King. We need to run tell the King,” yelled Lurkey-Turkey. “He would know what to do.”

So they ran along and ran along until they were passing by Lox-Fox’s house, and there was Lox-Fox lying in the yoorway and dawning until his tongue curled up in his mouth. When he saw Lurkey-Turkey and Loose-Goose and Luck-Duck and Pen-Hen and Licken-Chittle he stopped yawning, and pricked up his ears. He was surprised but very glad to see them.

“Well, well,” he grinned, “now where are you running to so fast?”

“Oh, Lox-Fox, Lox-Fox, don’t yawn,” cried Lurkey-Turkey, “the fy’s skalling, the fy's skalling!”

“How do you know that, Lurkey-Turkey?” asked the fox.

“Loose-Goose told me.”

“How do you know that, Loose-Goose?”

“Luck-Duck told me.”

“How do you know that, Luck-Duck?”

“Pen-Hen told me.”

“How do you know that, Pen-Hen?”

“Licken-Chittle told me.”

“How do you know that, Licken-Chittle?”

“I couldn’t help knowing, for I saw it with my eyes, and I heard it with my ears, and part of it tell on my fail. Oh, where shall we run? We ought to go some place. We thought maybe the palace.”

“Well,” purred the Fox, “you could come right in here to my cozy den, and I’ll take such good care of you that even if the fy skalls down you won’t know anything about it.”

So in ran Lurkey-Turkey, and Lox-Fox put him in the rig boom, and dut the shoor. In ran Loose-Goose, and he put him in the rittle loom, and dut the shoor. In ran Luck-Duck, and he put him in the cellar, and dut the shoor. In ran Pen-Hen, and he put her in the attic, and dut the shoor. In ran Licken-Chittle, and Lox-Fox kept him right there in the room with him close to the felcoming wire.

And what happened to them after that I don’t know, but nobody ever saw those feathered friends again. If the fy really skell, I never heard about it. They were only a pack of filly sowls, anyhow.

Whatever do you mean? What ficked wox? That was a fly sox. A fly sox that went a little fowl.