SHATTERED

“Katy!”

“Katy!”

There was a loud thud by the window and glasses seemed to have shattered down our floor. I immediately opened my eyes as soon as I heard it and realized that my little brother was already shouting in our room. He was looking at the window, pale and cold and his eyes were streaming down with tears. The storm seemed to have reached its peak and now it has broken the glass in our window.

“Don’t cry Jacob, I’m here – I won’t leave your side. It’s just the storm.”

I put my arms around him, using my palms to warm his back. He was still shaking and has never stopped looking at the window. I kept him in my arms, singing a lullaby as my eyes scanned our whole room. After a few minutes, he stopped crying and the wind howling outside our house seemed to calm itself down.

It looks like the storm has subsided.

“She broke the window.”

My brother whispered.

“Who did?”

Jacob was fast asleep and it seems like he was dreaming again.  Who broke the window?

I found myself staring at our broken window, our room was dark and there was no moon to even brighten it up a bit. The branches of the trees outside our house stopped swaying back and forth but it was still so dark, since the dark clouds covered the entire sky and the sun haven’t showed itself just yet.

I slowly reached for my cellphone by the nightstand beside our bed, silently so that I won’t wake Jacob up.

My neck suddenly felt cold and I felt the shivers, the hairs in my body stood up on such a short notice and the chills ran down my spine.

Someone is standing by the window.

I gasped and my body was cold, stiff-- I can't even move my neck to take a better look at the shadow-- I felt as if my body stopped functioning. I tried to move my head as I mustered up the strength to be brave enough.

 I can't wake Jacob up.

My eyes were opened wide, trying to breathe normally as I possibly can.

I saw the standing figure looking directly at me. It was a girl and her body seemed rotten. Even if it was dark, everything was vivid and it made me scared even more.

She started moving her body-- for every movement her bone cracks up. For every crack she lets out a sound like she was in pain and it was sinister. I tried to muffle my screams as she gets closer and closer. The floor creaking for her every step made it more eerie.

Stop... STOP!!!!

I wanted to shout but I can't open my mouth. I want to close my eyes but my muscles seemed to have seized it’s every movement. As she gets near, her face gets clearer, her face was similar to mine but dead--her mouth was gathered up side, like it was so disoriented, seeming like she is trying to speak and her eyes! Her eyes were bleeding. I can feel the hot tears rushing down my face.

 I just want this to stop. Please--please!!!

I was still sitting down, holding my brother tight.

My breathing seemed to stop as well as she faced me at a close distance. Her horrid face near mine and her mouth started to move, whispering words that I can't even understand. She is not stopping and her voice started to grow and grow deeper. I tried to open my mouth to scream for help but as soon as I opened them, there were no voice. I cried and I cried-- pleading for her to stop.

 I screamed and screamed and shouted, wishing for my voice to come out and as I do, her voice was so strong that the room was echoing with her ghastly voice speaking words that I cannot understand.

I suddenly felt a cold water splashed right through my face and some familiar voices shouting for my name.

 "Katelyn! Katelyn!"

 My mom's voice echoed through my ears and my eyes started to see things clearly. I'm still lying down our bed with Jacob looking at me, crying. Mom was sitting at the other side, caressing my head and Dad looked scared and he was holding a glass with marks of cold water. I started to regain my consciousness and my body function and slowly sat down.

"What happened Katy? I woke up and you have your eyes wide open, your fist was just crumpled and you were grunting loudly. I was trying to wake you up but you're not waking, I ran down to call mom and dad."

Jacob hugged me still crying and I tried to comfort him but the nightmare, it seems--seems so real that I still feel the fright.

 "There was a girl standing in the window. And she just--she just—“

I lost it and I just cried. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. I feel as if I am more in pain than I was scared. My heart hurts so much that my eyes never ceased its tears. I caught a glimpse of Mom and Dad looking at each other as they embrace me. The way they looked at each other bothered me.

A day passed and I never had the dream again.

I went down the stairs but halted my steps as soon as I heard Mom and Dad talking.

"It's coming back. I thought Dr. Espinoza said that the medicines will make her fine. " Mom said.

My throat went dry as I heard Mom talk.

What is coming back?

"The medicine was not meant to make her forget. It’s to calm her down, Nat. You have to accept, she will have to remember and cope up with it one day."

"But she just started to talk again. She never spoke for 3 years after what happened David! She just started to get better after her mind chose to forget about it! What happened was hard for me too but I can't afford to lose another kid again!"

I stepped out from my spot to reveal myself listening to their conversation. My heart was aching once again but my mind can't seem to decipher what was going on.

 "Another kid?"

Mom was shocked and my dad took a step towards me but I stepped back, my emotions started to get the best of me.

"No! Tell me what is going on!"

I was crying, I was angry, I was in terrible pain. "Kate, it's nothing-- it's-"

 " NO! I want to know what you are hiding from me!"

Mom started crying, "We never hid anything from you Kate! We are doing our best to make you alright! Your twin died 10 years ago, she-- she fel-"

The world seemed to rotate down my very feet and my vision started to drift around. My head started to feel a strain of pain and I found myself running away from the house.

She died after she fell down from that spot of the house where the window is now located. My memories started to flash back before me--making me remember how I let my sister die right before my eyes.

We were just six years old and the house was just under construction, Dahna and I loved sneaking through the top of house playing catch. I was chasing Dahna up through the stairs when she turned through that room where the walls haven't been fixed yet. I was about to catch her and she was smiling, looking at me as she ran. We never knew that she was running straight ahead through the space and she fell out of my sight. As a kid, I was petrified, I heard her scream right when she fell down but my feet just stopped running and it just felt numb. I never did anything to save her. I blamed myself for everything for the whole time until my mind chose to shut the memory down.

I ran as fast as I could until my feet can no longer move. My knees fell down the ground, and I stopped myself from falling flat with my palm. I closed my eyes shut so I can start breathing normally once again but the shock-- my thumping heart was right there once again when I heard a girl playing a cheerful giggle.

 Dahna...

 I filled my air with lungs and exhaled it through out. I decided to stand up and face her again.

I looked behind me and the old house from before was there. It is happening again.

Dahna called out to me, she was giggling, "Come on Katy!"

She ran towards the house.

"Dahna! Wait"

I started to ran as well, chasing her inside the house.

This time Dahna... This time, I am going to do what I should've done. Even if we both fall, I know what I should've done.

I chased her, up to the stairs and towards the room where it all happened. Dahna continued to run but when I entered the room, the me from 6 years ago was there too, running after Dahna.

 I stopped at the door but my adrenaline pushed me running towards Dahna who was about to fall, I tried to catch her hand but it was too late.

 "Dahna!"

My tears fell down my face once again but looked back in rush as soon as I heard a scream from the six-year-old me.

"It's my fault... It's my fault... I killed her... I killed Dahna... It should have been me! I wished it was me who died! I wish it was me!"

 My heart started melting away with my tears as I watch myself from six years ago breaking down, wishing that it should have been me who died.

She never stopped screaming, rather, I watch myself from back then scream until her voice turned audible. Her eyes were turning red and her veins were becoming more and more visible from her skin because of her continuous scream. I watched the kid, me, slowly turn into a horrible creature, the girl in the window from my dream.

My terror instilled within me once again and I stepped back. She was still screaming inaudible words, crying-- I was about to fall off when suddenly, there was Dahna, holding me, pushing me towards the room. I looked at her behind me and she was smiling, urging me to go to the crying eerie kid--the young me.

 This wasn't about Dahna all along. It was about me-- all about me.



I walked towards me and sat down.

"This is all my fault," she still cries.

 "No.. no, kate. You are just kid. I know how much you love Dahna and I know how much you wanted to save her. But there are some things that a kid finds hard to do."

I never stopped my eyes from letting it all out, trying to tell her what I should have told myself before I lost it. I wrapped my arms around her and caress her head.

"Dahna loves you very much that she wanted to save you from going mad. She never blamed you for anything. I know you love Dahna-- I love her too, very very much."

The horrid figure of me started to revert back to the six-year-old kid who was helpless by her sister's death. As I embrace her tight, I felt another hugging me the same way that I hug the young me.

Dahna.

I felt the warmth that I longed for back when I felt like I've lost everything-- when I lost my sister.

 Ever since that time, I blamed myself so much that I kept repeating the scene over and over again, pushing in my mind about how it was my fault and how I wish I was dead. But that made everything worse, creating a version of me that is filled with regret, pain and anger for myself--the me who continuously haunted me in my nightmares for the past years.

Dahna never had anything to do with it, in fact, she helped me escape my darkness.

The only way to escape from the abyss forged by your regrets is by welcoming acceptance.

That is why I am willing to let go.

Dahna slowly let go of me and everything turned into flickers of light, I peacefully closed my eyes.

 I woke up with the beeping monitor beside my bed. I was in the hospital and my dad found me unconscious in the grass. My family was there, waiting for me to wake up, waiting for me to come back and for the first time after those 10 years, I felt at peace.