" For The First Time" - Navya Jain

I locked my apartment and headed out, my guitar slung over my shoulder. As usual, I looked awful, there were bags under my eyes and I slumped as I walked.

I was in some serious shit, you could say. I was a struggling actor whose last gig was like two years ago, and the only source of income that I had was coming from the singing I did at the night clubs and some small roles that I did in movies, like a stunt double or something like that. I was in serious depression, my mother had just passed away like a year ago but I still missed her so much that every time I thought about her my eyes welled up with tears and It was almost like I could see her smile, or feel her hand on my forehead telling that I was gonna make it, that life wasn’t so bad.

She was stupid and optimistic that way.

The only person that I had left was my dad and he didn’t seem to give damn about what I did, I could kill myself and he still wouldn't even realise till it was Christmas and even then he probably wouldn’t care.

I reached the place where I worked shifts when I don’t have a gig. Nowadays I didn’t even try to audition for anything, it was like I had given up and I didn’t have anyone to tell me that everything was gonna be okay. That I was gonna be okay.

I put my guitar in the back and put on an apron. " Hey.” Sally smiled at me.

I nodded.

“ What’s with the grumpy expression?” She asked. She was too happy with her life. She was married to some rich guy, whom she loved very much. From the way that she talked about it. It seemed that she didn’t like the fact that he ran a company. He never had enough time for her but she was still cheerful and chose to work at this dump of a restaurant.

“ Nothing, ” I muttered. 

I wasn’t the sort of person to talk very much but she didn’t seem to get it. She always prodded me for answers and ambushed me with questionS trying to needle her way into getting to know about me.

“ Hello? I am talking to you.”

“ Nothing. Nothing’s bothering me.” I said a little bit louder. 

She didn’t believe me. I could see it on her face, but she left me alone. Whoa, lucky day.

I served the tables. Ignoring that one girl who slipped me her number. Then I went out through the backdoor, during break time and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it, I was about to put it on my lips when the door opened.

Sally stepped out and gave me one of her disapproving glares. She crossed her arms and shook her head.

“ What are you doing with your life? I guess one or two is okay but you smoke too much. Your lungs will be toast if you repeat this. You have a life, pursue it, don’t try to end it. You think I prod you too much and act like your mother, don’t you? Fine, I won’t it’s your life to ruin. But maybe you should think about the ones you love before doing shit like this.”

I took a deep breath. “ You done?”

She exhaled shaking her head. “ Unbelievable. Un-freaking-believable. You know what? Screw you. I am done trying to get you out of your own shit. Yes Beck, I am done.”

She turned on her heel and barged in the restaurant.

There was a lump in my throat. She was right, there was no point living this life. It wasn’t worth it. No one loved me. There was no one for whom I could stay back. 

I took one puff from my cigarette then extinguished it. 

Entering, I pulled off my apron and kept it on the counter, I grabbed my guitar and headed towards the club. 

By this time, I was sure of what I was gonna do, go home and swallow the sleeping pills that I had in my drawer. The doctor had given them to help me sleep, since when I lay in bed sleep simply didn’t come. I don’t think I took that many sleeping pills either, it was almost like I liked to stay in bed letting my thoughts envelop me in the dark.

I played one last song and I headed out. It was almost past midnight. 

I walked towards my apartment and tripped over a large box on the door almost face planting the door.

“ What the-“

I heard a little bark. I froze. A head popped out of the box. A dog was looking at me with its tongue hanging out. I couldn’t help but smile.

“ You are the cutest thing that I have ever seen. Yes, you are.” he jumped out of the box and licked my face. I laughed in what seemed so long. 

At this point the dog was braver than I was, he'd been abandoned at someone’s doorstep but was still so happy and cheerful, so full of hope, expectations. My smile faded, the dog looked at me and licked my hand as if to say what happened to you? I scratched his years as he lunged at me causing me to fall down at the floor. 

I opened my door and the dog tumbled inside, checking everything out. The house was big, it belonged to my mom and before that, it had belonged to my grandparents, it was so big I had planned on renting it to someone. The dog ran up the stairs and down again in record time.

I checked the box for a note or something. I looked inside there was a note at the boom of the box.

I picked it up and read the words written in the oh so similar writing of Sally.

“ One last try at life….”

She was too good to be true, Maybe she was my fairy godmother. After that whole speech of saying I am done, I’d thought that this time I had really pissed her offer and that she would finally leave me alone, but I think deep somewhere down I knew she too good a heart to give up on anybody, much less me.

 I looked at the dog prancing around. Okay, maybe I could delay the suicide for a little bit. I would need to buy dog food and a leash and a dog collar and stuff like that, I didn’t think I could keep him. 

He lunged at me one more time, knocking me down to the floor. Maybe for one night.

I got into bed and he climbed in as well. 

I pulled out the pack of cigarettes and lit one. I was almost about to take a puff when the dog suddenly got up and knocked it right out of my hand. 

“ Hey!” I complained.

He just gave me the big brown eyes.

“ you don’t like it? fine. I guess I can wait a few more hours then I am returning you to the lady who bought you.”

I drew the covers over my face and lay down to sleep, as usual, it didn’t come, but the dog didn’t seem to be sleepy either, every time I turned he pawed my arm or stuck his nose under my back trying to roll me over. 

In the end, I gave up on trying to sleep and I got up and fetched a ball from the many that I had from my childhood. I guess it was fun to see the dog slide and slip across the floor in a hurry to get the ball and bring it back. Usually, I would’ve been disgusted to pick up something that was covered in somebody’s spit, but for whatever reason, I didn’t mind doing it now.

For the first time in years I felt sleepy after throwing the ball like a gazillion times, the dog also seemed tired which reminded me that I was tired of calling him ‘boy’ and ‘doggy’. 

I knew that I was not gonna keep him and naming him was probably not a good idea but I did it anyway. 

“ You know you remind me of Cosco ball, all bouncy and bright and happy. Do you like that name, Cosco?”

Cosco barked so I took that as a yes.

We fell asleep and I woke up in the morning, not feeling gloomy or suicidal. I picked up my guitar and looked at Cosco, he was still fast asleep, I wanted to return him, but I didn’t. I wanted to keep him with me forever. 

I gave him some toast after he woke up and locked him in with a couple of balls to keep him happy.

I headed out to work, smiling, which was unnatural for me.

I entered the restaurant and saw all cleaning the countertop. “ good morning.”

I nodded. “ you were the one who sent the dog didn't you?” She said nothing but smiled.

“ Listen I want you to take him back. I doubt that I can care for him.”

“ I think you can. Why don’t you give it a chance.”

She slipped me some papers. 

“ What’s -“I started but she had already gone into the kitchen.

I skimmed through the papers, they were a script. How did she know that I was an actor I’d never even told her.

She came out again and for once I was speechless when I wanted to say something, usually, I didn’t want to say anything.

“ How- ?”

“ I knew you were an actor because it said so on your resume I think you forgot that my husband owns this restaurant.”  

My jaw hit the floor. I didn’t forget her husband owned the restaurant, I never knew that he did and I had no interest whatsoever in it.

“ The movie-“

“ Pulled in a favour from a friend.”

“ Why-“

Her smile faded.” My sister committed suicide. You remind me a lot of her. She was doing drugs and then our uncle passed away and she was really close to him and I guess she snapped. I don’t know what sort of other shit you have going on in your life, but the most that I could do was help.”

My eyes swam with tears. This was the lady whom I had ignored the whole time that I had worked here and she was just so kind to me, I felt like an asshole I really did. I didn’t deserve her kindness.

“ Thank you.” My vice broke.

She smiled and patted men on the back.

After my shift ended I went to the store to get the supplies that I needed, man, is dog food expensive.

I completed my shift at the club and came home, feeling happy and grateful for the first time a really, really long time.

I entered the house to find Cosco sitting against the door. He wagged his furry tail as I entered. I laughed and set the bag aside, sitting on the floor I scratched his ears.

“ Look what I got you.”

I showed him the dog collar I bought and I got his bowl and poured the kibble in it. He fished it down in a minute and looked at me for more. I showed him the toy I bought him, he prodded it with his paw and when it squeaked, he jumped back then tried to rip it apart.

I got in bed and he climbed in after me, I picked up the script, the audition was next week. 

It was based on a book so they needed the characters that matched the description of the characters in the book. I wasn’t playing the main role but my role had a decent amount of lines but wasn’t going to try it out, no point I was most probably not gonna get it much like the other roles that I had auditioned for earlier.

I flung the script across the room, Cosco got up and ran off, he came back with the script in his mouth. He kept it in my lap and barked as if to say. Man up! Give it a shot or possibly throw it again so that I can play fetch with you I shrugged, not believing that I was gonna actually do it, I went through the script learning my lines. The fun thing was that I had an audience, Cosco wasn’t exactly paying attention but he was at least bothered enough to keep up so that I wouldn’t be the only one who was up.

The next week was amazing I went out for walks with Cosco and I actually got the role that I had auditioned, I suspect that it had something to do with Cosco, he was like a lucky charm to me. I quit my job at the club as I had to go for the shoot which w=started in about a week.

That wasn’t the most that Cosco did for me, I was walking him in the park when I ran into a girl.

“ Oh, I’m so sorry. Hey! You’re the guy who worked at the restaurant.” She said.

I turned red. She was the same girl who had given me her number.

She knelt down and scratched the head of Cosco.

“ You have the cutest dog!”

Cosco looked pretty happy that she was scratching his head, he barked and jumped all over her, licking her face. 

“ Hey. You're the… I think I lost your number.”

“ It’s all right. I don’t hold a grudge.”

Our eyes met and for the first time in a long while, I felt attracted to someone.