The Wish

“Can you keep a secret?”

I was going insane. That had to be it. There was no other explanation.

If it wasn’t caused by my nightmares that occurred every time I closed my eyes, it was sure to be because of her.

At first, I thought she was some hallucination. Some waking reminder of those nightmares. But the car crash that took my daughter, Sarah, had happened over a year ago, and it wasn’t like the girl that appeared to me, in any way resembled Sarah. It didn’t make sense that these two things would be related. Besides, some nights were terror free and I slept peacefully until morning. I had hoped that the nightmares would end soon.

It doesn’t matter the why so much. It matters that it’s happening at all. It’s driving me crazy and I don’t know how to stop it.

Four days ago, I had been running late, much later than ever before, and wound up on a train I never took for work. The last car was packed with people, but I stayed on it because I was too lazy to make my way back up to the front. As I got comfortable in my compartment, next to a mix of people that didn’t seem to know each other, I pulled out my computer to get a head start. Even if I was running late, I could still get some work done. An older gentleman with white hair and a weathered face, actually took out a newspaper and offered to share it with me.

Soft beeping told me that my work station would die soon if I didn’t charge it. Looking for a space to plug in the cord for my laptop, I saw a girl standing in front of the outlet. I thought that she would have been noticed on my way in given her appearance, because she didn’t look like she belonged on a train going to any destination.

Her skin was extremely pale, like she hadn’t seen the sunlight in years, but also covered in brown, with streaks of dirt running down her arms and legs. Her hair was a black tangled mess, with strands sticking to her face. She wore a dress that was so faded that it couldn’t be told what the original color had been, and it hung off her body in shreds, barely clinging together. It was hard to tell her age, her face and body were so badly kept, but I thought she was in her late teens or early twenties.

“Hi,” I started politely, intending to ask her to move from in front of the outlets.

“Would you mind, uh...” I stopped talking with the plug held in the air between us. She wasn’t listening to me. She looked right through me, like I wasn’t there.

“Are you ok?” I didn’t like the dangerous look of her, but it was obvious that something was wrong.

“Hey buddy, are you alright?” I heard from where I had gotten up.

I looked over in that direction, and the whole group of mismatched people were looking at me and the girl in disbelief.

“Yeah I’m fine.” I replied, just as much disbelief coloring my tone. I knew the girl didn’t look like someone approachable, but that didn’t mean she didn’t deserve the same decency as anyone else. It didn’t mean people should treat her like an outcast. How rude of them.

“Who are you talking to?” The one that had asked if I would like his newspaper was asking the questions.

I looked on at them as if they were crazy, but gestured toward the unknown lady.

“The girl.” I said, while glancing back in her direction.

She stepped closely to my face and whispered in my ear, “Can you keep a secret?”

Before I could say a word, she slowly vanished in front of me. Her color becoming more and more transparent until there was nothing left of her.

My vision, glued to where she had stood, finally made its way back to the small party that had been concerned for my mental health.

“I…I saw…I thought I saw a girl standing here in need of help.” I finally managed to stammer out.

The group made way for me to sit, but said nothing else to me for the rest of the ride.

That was four days ago, and she had visited me with increasing regularity each day. I had been so afraid to interact with her, but I had decided enough was enough. When she came to ask me her question, I would confront her. I would tell her to leave me alone.

Work was slow and dreadful. Anxiety ate away at my nerves and I expected to see her around every corner. By the time my lunch hour came, I was ready to leave.

I packed up my stuff for the day and then quietly told my boss I would need a few days off. Even if I never saw that girl after today, I was so ruffled up that I needed some time to get over the experience.

I should’ve known she would be there, waiting for me as soon as I stepped outside.

She walked right up to me. “Can you keep a secret?” 

“What do you want from me?” I couldn’t tell if it was the wavering from my voice or from the fact that I knew no one else could see the girl I was talking to, but people were staring at me.

I walked down the sidewalk, towards the train station, and of course, she followed. Calling out her question behind me.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Every time she asked, I asked one of my own.

“How can I help you?”

Boarding the train now.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“What happened to you?

Weaving between the heavy foot traffic to make it to my apartment, another pleading escaped her mouth.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Why won’t you leave me alone?”

She slowly vanished, a sad look on her face, and I wondered if she would return. I thought that maybe I thought I was crazy before, but now that I had said something to her, I didn’t think so anymore.

Nothing had changed between us, but there was something tangible to her. She wasn’t just someone I made up.

It seemed likely that she was some sort of ghost, but that didn’t explain why she was drawn to me everyday. Why she had chosen me. 

None of that mattered though. The only thing I cared about, was making her go away. I looked online for some answers, but I didn’t like what I found.

All of my research told me that she was probably a ghost. Once someone was marked by a ghost, the only way to get rid of it was to give it what it wanted, or kill it.

What an odd idea. To kill a ghost. How do you kill something that’s already dead?

There were no definite answers on how to kill a ghost. Séances and incense, candles and fire, priests and graveyards were listed all over the place, but no one knew for sure.

That didn’t leave me with much hope, as it didn’t seem I was going to be able to kill her and I had already asked her what she wanted. That didn’t get me anywhere.

Maybe I would just live the rest of my life with a ghost following me around, always asking me to keep her secret.

As the sun peeked through the blinds and woke me the next day, I saw her standing at the foot of my bed. She had never came to me this early, or in my own house. This was too much.

Before she could say a word, I jumped out of bed, completely mad at her, and got right in her face.

“CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET!?” I shouted at her. “CAN YOU?” I kept going. I wanted her out of my life. “OK, HERE’S MY SECRET. I HATE YOU. YOU’RE RUINIG MY LIFE. I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN HAVE YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND ANYMORE. I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU OR HEAR YOU ASK THAT STUPID QUESTION. EVER. AGAIN.”

She threw her head back with a widening grin. A scary grin that crept along her features until the only thing to see was rows of pointy teeth.

I tried to run away, to hide, but it was too late. I felt her icy hand wrap around my arm and freeze me to my spot.

“You can keep our secret. You will always want to die.” A raspy, paper like voice slithered past her terrifying smile. 

Her hand was suddenly not so cold to touch, and I thought that she had freed me.

Vomit rose to my throat, and then quickly faded away. Where I had looked to see if she had let me go, was my own arm, turning the same shade of see through that the girl was.

More and more of my body became a ghost like her, and with it the knowledge of why I was chosen and what she was. What we both were.

The accident that I lost my daughter to, ripped pieces from me that I never knew were there. She was the only one that was a real part of my life, and when she died, I wanted to die too. At the beginning, I begged anyone listening to make that happen. I couldn’t do it myself. I thought it was much too selfish to forfeit my life. Where Sarah didn’t have a choice, I didn’t want to decide that same fate for myself.

After some time, I learned to live with the pain, and just live my life the best I could, but I still always hoped death would find me. To bring me actual peace.

It was a secret wish to die.

Only the people that secretly wany to die can be marked by the death giver, which is what I was turning into. Once someone is marked, they have to admit to the death giver that they want to die. The death giver has five days to follow that person and try to make them see that real death will come for them on its own terms. It’s not something that can be negotiated. 

If the marked person admits within the five days, a desire of death, the death giver gives them what they had been asking for. It’s not the same as dying naturally. Your life is cut short and you take the spot of the one that grants your wish. Cursed to wish for death always.

As soon as I realized what had happened, I also realized that death was in no way what I really wanted. There was still so much to do. So much to experience. So much to live. I had really just wanted the pain to end.

But there was no way to go back. The girl was already vanishing, and I knew this time it would be for good. That’s what her terrible smile was for, she was able to finally rest. I, on the other hand, never would.

I heard the pleading call of a hysterical mother. Her words floating around my mind. As I vanished and reappeared, making my way closer to her, her words became clearer.

“Please, you should’ve taken me instead. He didn’t deserve to die like that. He was so young and I miss him so much. Please, take me, bring him back. Without him, I have nothing.”

I felt so sad for her, but I knew I wouldn’t know peace until I found someone to take my place and to keep the secret, even after death. 

I towered in front of the women on her knees, praying to a higher power. Not knowing the only one listening was me.

I didn’t want to scare her, but I found I could only say one thing.

“Can you keep a secret?”