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A Portal of Hope

Another day of being at home. She sat on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her, contemplating that it had been almost 40 days since the stay-at-home order. She began thinking “How will I pay my bills and rent now that my business has been shut down from COVID-19? How will I get my groceries without exposing myself and family to what’s out there?” She had to be so careful to protect her husband who has multiple sclerosis, and son who has asthma. “When will I see my daughter and friends again?  Will I ever get over the heart-wrenching grief of losing my beautiful mother to this terrible pandemic? How could she be gone? She was taken from us way too soon.” Everything seemed overwhelming, eerie…unbelievable. “Will I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?”

Suddenly it got dark, she heard thunder, and the wind began to blow outside. She forgot she left the glass sliding door open. A gust of wind made its way forcefully into the house and swirled around her. The painting fell off the wall. As she hung it back up, she began to notice the tree and its branches painted in broad strokes reaching out to her. It felt as if the tree was whispering her name, “Astara. Aaaaastaraa,” beckoning her forward, inward. At just the same time that she put her hand out to touch the tree, lightning struck making a zig zag pillar of light through the skylight window above and engulfed her in an energy field of electric charges. She felt her hand, and then her arm disappear into the painting. Just like that she had been sucked in through a portal…and she was gone.

On the other side it was hazy and dark, yet at the base of the tree down in the soil, precious stones and gems beamed light. The tree told her these were her gems that she had locked inside her heart, hidden from even herself. “It’s time to find the disowned parts of yourself and unearth your hidden treasures. Honor who you are - the parts you like about yourself, and dig to find the parts of you in shadow.”

A snake hisses and says, “Releasssse your trauma.” Astara has allowed so much pain, anger, resentment and disappointment to live inside her. She began to replay the memories like she was watching a movie as parts of her life roll by. Years of high stress at her job, losing her job, unemployment, huge debts, losing her home, relationships gone bad, her health issues, her family members’ health challenges, losing loved ones and now her mother – each piercing daggers into her heart. “Why does life have to be so hard?!,” she thought. Of course she had many good times and blessings too, but she had forgotten them as they were buried deep. The snake rattles to get her attention. “It’s time for you to shed the past, just as I shed my tired, old skin. Shed the old skin that you have been so attached to. Be open to new beginnings and fresh experiences in life.”

She glances beyond the tree and notices the winding path. “Where does this lead to?” “My dear one, to better days ahead. Make a commitment to walk with courage and love.”

Before she continues her journey ahead she wonders, “Should I have brought my hiking boots, or maybe some camping equipment? Is there anything else I need?” She was always one to make tons of lists and constantly worrying about things she had to do. Then she heard her heart say, “Do not let your doubts hold you back or keep you stuck any longer. It’s time to move forward. You have everything you need inside of you and have been given the right tools. You’ve been preparing all your life - everything you’ve done and every step you take is preparing you for this journey.”

She climbs to the top of a mountain where she discovers a new perspective. She sees that she’s been able to overcome her past challenges, giving her hope that she’ll make it through what’s next. She now has clarity and new found wisdom. You see once you are at the top there are no obstacles in your way, because you can only see an unobstructed view. She accepts the present situation as an opportunity and looks down below - every part of her life is precious. She forgives all that has happened that didn’t seem fair and sees the gift of lessons from the past. She is growing stronger and more compassionate of others and herself.

The birds fly by sending a message to “Embrace life and all its mystery and beauty, and you will soar to new heights. They sing songs of joy encouraging her to take flight to find her joy, not just in joyful moments, but in a state of joy.”

The sun advises for her to have good self-care so she’ll have glowing health and vitality even through challenging times.

The sky presents a blank canvas and says, “Set your passion and creativity free.” She opens her bag of gems and discovers these are her gifts, then pulls out a paint brush. She sits down on a blanket and begins to paint wispy clouds in the air. She remembered when she was a child how she would lie down on a blanket, often while at the beach, and look up at the sky imagining she saw a face, a puppy, a feather or an angel in the shape of clouds. So she has fun painting things in the sky – no longer playing small keeping to herself or being afraid of what others will think of her. This time she goes bigger - painting an amazing future along with a cloud in the shape of a peace sign and sharing with everyone below to enjoy.

As time rolls on, the sky changes to a silvery blue hue. She paints the stars who tell her she is becoming who she is meant to be. They shimmer and twinkle through the brush strokes reminding her to keep reaching for the them and to make her dreams come true. They gently rock her to sleep and tell her she is not meant to dwell in struggle, but can use her power to create magical outcomes, for Astara has a gift to bring light to even the darkest times.

A loud voice tells her to open the door to living. “Huh, a door? Where’s a door? Oh I know,” she says, and she paints a door and finds her way out of the portal, through the dripping paint and floats back down on her couch where she is wrapped in a blanket of comfort and security. She is back home. Astara opens her eyes, yawns and stretches.

She looks up at the painting above and notices it looks different. She feels different. Something has changed inside of her. She smiles and puts her hand to her chest. She realizes her heart is filled with golden rays of hope. She embraces a new way of living with courage and love.