A Thousand Sexy Words

“Mom, what did you do?”

I had often seen the parent-child relationship reverse over time in my aging friends, and I had convinced myself that that would never happen to me. The tone in my daughter Amy’s voice when she called me on the phone that day, however, told me otherwise.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t seen it?”

“Seen what?”

“Pull up your Facebook.”

My tablet was on the side table by my chair, and I set the phone down to retrieve it. My granddaughter Lisa was sitting on the couch, and she gave me a quizzical look.

“It’s your mother,” I said.

“Oh, can you put her on speaker?”

“Yes. Ah…speaker, um…”

I looked at my phone screen. I knew the button I wanted to push was somewhere on the display, but none of the ones I tried were working. After a few seconds, Lisa took pity on me, and with a patient smile she came over and pressed a button on my phone.

“Hi mom,” she said.

“Hi honey,” Amy’s voice suddenly sounded falsely cheerful, “Er, I didn’t know you were over at grandma’s.”

“We’re watching TV,” I said. “I’ve turned it off, though, and I’m opening Facebook…”

“Wait, why don’t you look at it another time?”

“I thought you wanted me to look now.”

“Not with Lisa there.”

Lisa raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean? What is it?”

The tablet was in my hand, and I had opened up my Facebook page. Lisa had helped me put together most of it, but I had told her what I wanted, and I was happy with the results. The photo on my main page was from our most recent family gathering, and everyone was dressed in their best, smiling at the camera. Below that, there were a few pictures of lunch with my girlfriends, a church potluck last week, and one more that stood out from the others…

“Oh,” I said.

“What is it?” Lisa repeated.

“Wait, don’t show her…”

A note of panic had crept into my daughter’s voice, but she was helpless to prevent Lisa from looking over my shoulder.

“Grandma, is that you?” she asked.

“Mom, I told you not to show her!” said my daughter

“I didn’t; she happened to look when I took out my tablet.”

My daughter sighed. I couldn’t see her, but I could picture her pinching the bridge of her nose as she often did when stressed.

“Alright. Well?”

“Are you talking about the photo?”

“Yes, of course I’m talking about the photo!”

“Well, I wanted to send it to your dad, but somehow it must have ended up on my Facebook page instead of my messages. I normally ask Lisa to post on my Facebook, but it wasn’t appropriate for her to see this.”

“Well now everyone on Facebook has seen it!”

“Everyone?”

“You don’t have to sound so happy about it.”

Perhaps I could have tried to act a little guilty, but I had always taught my children to be honest, and I didn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t lead by example.

“Well, that explains why your dad never said anything. He never looks at Facebook. And here I thought he had been ignoring this picture all week!”

I made a mental note to apologize to my husband when he came home from his golf game, and I started thinking of ways to make it up to him.

“When did you…I mean, I never saw you wear that when I was growing up.”

“I bought it for Valentine’s Day last year. And it’s not as if I revealed anything—I was wearing something…suggestive, that’s all.”

“I would call it pretty suggestive. You wouldn’t have let me wear anything like that.”

“Not when you were living at home as a teenager, but as an adult you should wear what you like. Unless you’re suggesting that I’m too old, and there’s some kind of age limit on wearing lingerie?”

“Of course there isn’t, but…”

“I’m an adult woman with needs. What’s wrong with your dad and I engaging in a little hanky panky?”

“Please don’t call it that.”

“Oh, what is it called now? Is this what you mean by sexting?”

“Just…don’t call it anything. Lisa, can you take the picture off your grandma’s Facebook?”

I turned to look at my granddaughter, who had remained silent for the conversation. She had been staring at the picture with her mouth slightly open and her eyebrows raised. When she noticed me looking at her, she closed her mouth and blinked. In that moment, I realized the consequences of what I had done, and the first feelings of guilt crept in. There was nothing wrong with my behavior, but my behavior didn’t need to be displayed on Facebook, especially where my grandchildren could see it. Even though the outfit was in my closet upstairs, and I was currently wearing a modest sweater, I tugged at my collar and pulled it up around my neck.

“N-o, I don’t think so,” Lisa said slowly.

“What?” I asked.

“What?” Amy echoed.

“I think you should leave it up, grandma,” said Lisa.

“Lisa!”

“It’s kind of cool. Look how many likes you have—you’ve gone viral!”

“Is that a good thing?” I asked.

“No,” said Amy.

“Yeah!” said Lisa.

“No, it is not a good thing. Lisa, take that picture off Facebook right now, young lady.”

“Come on, mom. Everyone’s already seen it; it doesn’t matter if I take it down now. And like grandma said, she’s a grown woman with needs.”

“Honey, it’s nice that you want to support your grandma, but this isn’t appropriate…”

“It’s not like she’s naked or anything.”

“Lisa!”

“What? She’s not. “

“I asked you to do something, and I expect you to do it.”

“Wait a minute,” I said, “this is my Facebook—I’m the one who posted the picture and I think I should decide if it stays.”

“Yeah, you go grandma!” said Lisa.

There was a long pause over the phone, then another sigh. Lisa grinned at me, and I couldn’t help smiling back.

“Alright, keep the picture if you want. I still think it’s inappropriate, but if you…wait a minute, your dad is texting. Hold on a minute I need to send a reply.”

There was another pause, then my phone buzzed.

“Oh, I think you texted me by accident,” I said, pulling up the message.

“I did?”

“Yes, it’s showing a message from you…”

“Wait, you don’t need to open that!”

“Oh my,” I said.

“Mom?” said Lisa. “Is that…Dad?”

“Oh crap.”