A shoe beer is when you chug beer out of a shoe

'No like you don't get it she was like cute cute, like bring home to mom cute.'

'Bro do you understand that you say this exact sentence to me, like this exact sentence to me, every other week'

'Ok but this time it's different'

'It was different with Ally'

'Ok Ally was- ok yeah Ally didn't go according to plan but-'

'And what's this girl's name'

'Callie'

'You're fucking with me'

'No what Callie's a fine name, I think it's actually kind of cute'

'I swear to god next week you're gonna be telling me about this cute girl named Sally'

'Come on bro don't be like tha-'

'And then who's gonna be after that? Mally? Tally? Maybe Pally yeah Pally's gonna be a knockout for sure'

'There's not gonna be "someone after that", Callie and I really vibed, she was like- she was like charming'

'I'll do a shoe beer right now if you've said more than 100 words to this girl'

'Why you being so negative? You're not even gonna ask me how we met?'

'A hundred words. More than a hundred words exchanged between you and Dally-'

'Callie'

'One hundred words with Fally, and I'll shoe beer right now. I'll even do it out of Mikey's shoe to make it interesting, that kid with his dirty fuckin feet'

'Shut up man you don't need 100 words, when you know you know, that's what I say'

'You've known when you've known so many times I'd be surprised if there was a girl left on campus you didn't know when you knew'

'You know that I'm just gonna tell you this story anyway'

'Yeah, I know, I just had to say my piece, go for it my guy. AY MIKEY TURN THAT DOWN FOR A SEC'

'Thanks man. So I was with Ben earlier and we were trying to hit that thrift store on Emerson'

'The two for one?'

'Yeah Sean was saying that he saw some fire shirts there. So we head in and I'm walking through the aisles, Ben went straight for the shirts but I thought I'd take a look at the jackets-'

'Was that because you saw a cute girl named Callie also looking at the jackets'

'So I'm just looking through these jackets, right, and I pick one up and I'm looking at it, and I see these like small brown crumbs on the collar. I'm like whatever because you know it's a thrift store it is what it is and I keep looking at some others and a couple jackets later I see more crumbs on this guy too!'

'How close are you looking at these jackets that you're seeing crumbs on em'

'And you know how the aisles there are floor-to-ceiling, so you can't see around you or anything, so I turn this corner and I see this girl-'

'The love of your life'

'I see this girl holding like six mozzarella sticks in one hand and going through the jackets with her other hand, and I just like realized she was accidentally dropping these crumbs and I laughed and she turned and saw me and I was just like "sorry no my bad I've been going through these jackets and I keep seeing these like small brown crumbs on some of them"'

'Charming, really'

'And I think I caught her off guard because she was like "what?" and then she looked in her hand and I think it like clicked and she just whispered like an "oh shit sorry" and she tried wiping off the jacket she was looking at and I think I said something like "no you're good I'm just glad I was able to find this person with great taste in jackets"'

'Modern romance'

'And she just looks at me and laughs and goes "well thanks for not telling on me, I really thought I was doing a good job of keeping the sticks and the thrifts apart" That's funny right? I thought that was funny'

'Hilarious'

'But so I say "well let me know if you want another pair of hands"'

'Such a gentleman, you are'

'And then we're both just like flipping through the clothes near each other, and after like half a minute she turned to me and she was like "hey I'm letting you know I want another pair of hands"'

'She's a comedian'

'And I was like "haha sure" and I go over to join her and she followed it up with "we probably already have similar taste too if you've followed my breadcrumb trail so far"'

'She made a pun within 30 seconds of meeting you? Bro start looking for wedding rings'

'And so we-'

'No actually start looking for onion rings, even better'

'And so we-'

'Get it because of the mozzarella sticks'

'And so we went through a few jackets, she'd eat and like point a piece out and I'd take it off the rack and we'd swap commentary and critiques on each one. One of them was wild it had black and white stripes on the left side and on the right it turned into these loud neon shapes overlapped on one another. She took one look at it and mid-chew said it looked like a "zebra going through a midlife crisis"'

'She likes animals'

'But then her friend came back around and said she was ready to check out. So we shook hands and she was like "I'm Callie" and she had a good grip you know, web-to-web and firm'

'Web-to-web?'

'Yeah like her thumb web made contact with my thumb web, you have to go web-to-web for a good handshake. Here let me show you'

'Haha bro, like, like you're right, but that's so fucking weird to say. Alright anyway so you're web to web'

'So yeah we shake hands and I tell her my name and she like smiles and says nice to meet you and then she headed to the register and I met up with Ben and that was it'

'What? No cute look backs? Did you get her number?'

'No that was it, Callie the junior studying molecular biology, maybe I'll find her on instagram or something'

'Alright well, you do you. It was cute, I'll give you that'

'Thank you man. I told you that this time was different'

'Ha different right yeah for sure man. I wish you the best and all but I only counted 94 words exchanged in that little love affair so you want a coors or a natty'

'What-'

'AY MIKEY TOSS ME YOUR SHOE CUPID OVER HERE'S GONNA SHOE BEER THIS ROOM TEMP NATTY LIGHT'

'Hey it's Callie I'm calling from Mom's phone mine died'

'Nothing exciting, just got back from hanging out with Michelle. We got those amazing mozzarella sticks from Fred's, yeah, so good, and while we were thrifting-'

'No we went to the one on Emerson, the two-for-one, yeah, so this guy and I saw the absolute craziest jacket you've ever seen'

'Yeah he was cute but we just talked for a bit while I was there, nothing interesting. Oh also you know Michelle told me that our Bio 3A midterm is getting postponed?'

'Haha yeah I know I told her the same thing, more time to study. Hey I'm gonna do laundry want me to throw your field hockey shorts in with my stuff?'

'Cool yeah it's no problem, see you at dinner'