JOEY HITS TOWN

 JOEY HITS TOWN

Very rarely did a new arrival into Vasthills get noticed or even welcomed. Vasthills was a lazy town with quiet residents – the oldies (of whom there were quite a few) were the sort of people who were happy to sit inside most the day after the washing up was done and the tea-towel routinely hung on the front of the oven to dry; or maybe on occasions, if the sun beckoned through the front windows, they would sit outside on the porch to gaze out into the street – maybe some days just checking the autumn or spring or summer or winter shades of the leaves of the oak trees that line most of the streets.

He, Joey Knuckle, the new arrival in town, kicked the dust as he walked down the main street. No paved streets here; the place was not flash enough for such work to be carried out by the local Council some 50 K's away. Joey's eyes surveyed the scene – shops which looked like they were still a going concern – and the few that had a 'FOR LEASE' sign in the window, revealing to a passer-by that the stores had seen better days many moons ago.

But hang on, I can tell you in what he saw - there is the general store, owned by Mr Harvey Craven; and the pharmacy cum post office cum library run by Mrs Smithers. Mrs Smithers has run the store for 40 years and is the unofficial 'head poncho' in town. She knows everyone and everyone knows her and she knows everyone's business (worst luck for the locals !). And there is the pub, “Ravens Nest”, which has been on the corner of Oak Street and Booth Avenue since time immortal. Stan Newbound runs the pub. He has a face that would crack a mirror, and his hands 'as big as a Yowie's' is the local joke; but with that pub under his control it runs like a well oiled machine. On the far corner is 'Miss Pinkin's Hair Salon'. The ladies line up there every fourth Friday (young and old) to get all prettied up for the swanky event at the Ag Hall – the 'Monthly Dance'. Next door to the pub is the bakery cum cafe. It is run by James Carruthers and his missus. Actually its not his real missus – she shot through some years ago with man-about-town, that Johnny boy; and then so very smoothly in stepped Nancy a replacement for Judith Carruthers. Nancy is half his age but he's not complaining. He gets her help in all and every direction in the bakery, the cafe and the cot - so he hardly gives a hoot now about Judith and the co-conspirator.

Now Joey has a guitar over his shoulder. And the Dance is on tomorrow night – so Joey's arrival is starting to make a little bit of sense now. Yes, Joey is here for the big bash at the Ag Hall tomorrow night. Yes, and the girls are lined up outside 'Miss Pinkin's Hair Salon' as per usual on the fourth Friday of the month. Some customers appear out the door of the Salon all dolled up and done by 10 am. Other contenders for the spruce up sit on the wooden bench seat outside the shop. Miss Pinkin has been very thoughtful and accommodating to her customers. She has put out a table by the bench seat for the waiting clientele. There are paper cups, Nescafe coffee, a spoon, a kettle to boil and re-boil at will, and a jug of milk covered in a crocheted throw-over to stop the flies landing in the milk; and some Arnott's Shortbread Biscuits – just to top off the fourth of the month treat at her Salon. Such pleasantries for the Vasthills ladies, courtesy of ever-so-thoughtful Miss Pinkin !

Joey strolls through the heavy push-doors of the pub and eyes the odd sheila (or ladies I should say) sitting together looking like beauty queens and sipping shandies. (The girls here don't drink hard stuff – that's for the blokes). Stan appears at the right time into the bar area and Joey arranges a bed for two nights. 'Got to share the dunny and the shower' says Stan. 'Cool man' was Joey's response. The girls start to giggle over something so Joey turns around, and eyes-off the best sort – the blonde with the big kiss-curl on her forehead. 'She's mine' he says to himself with that inner glee that only a bloke can feel when he's on a winner – like when a bush bloke handles with ease the biggest sheep in the yard and gets it up the ramp for the big shear.

His eyes fell on 'Patsy' by the way. Patsy is very pretty; and that blonde hair, though courtesy of Miss Pinkin's peroxide treatment, really gets her lots of second looks. The girls were giggling over who of the local guys that may turn up, or the boys from the bush who come into Vasthills looking for a cuddle, and maybe more, each and every fourth Friday of the month. The dance has been the making of many a happy couple in Vasthills. What else is there to aspire to I ask ? How else can a girl get her man ? A snuggle with a local or a bush boy or an out-of-towner – the likes of Joey Buckle that is – is what these fillies long for. A smashing white wedding at St. Cuthbert's Church, a cute weatherboard house a little way off Oak Street, a weeny baby or three – what else could a Vasthills' girl wish for ?

I should do a drum-roll as tonight is the night – Saturday night and the big dance !

Joey looks 'Mr Cool' with his suede vest and cow-skin duds (pants to those who don't know what duds are). He has a blood-red shirt under his vest, a few jingle-jangle cheap silver necklaces to match his silver cow-head ring. He looks like a true musician from somewhere 'back of Bourke', as they say. His guitar is well worn from his 40 years being a 'travell'n man'. He first heard “Travelling Man” by Ricky Nelson in 1961 – he made it his, and has sung it everywhere and anywhere his guitar leads him. Tonight he will open with this 1961 hit ! The little sweeties may never have heard of it before as they are too young, but he knows it will get in their mums and grandmothers – if they swoon, they may swoon !

Foot up on the rung of the stool and the lights on the stage in the colours of a rainbow, and he is ready to go. Yes I'd say Ricky Nelson would approve ! It went over with a bang – cheers and screams from the mummas and the poppas (who knew every word and sang along) - which in turn echoed into the ears of the girlies – so it was on – the night will be a smash.

After a 40 minute bracket and with the stage lights dimming he made his way over to chat up Patsy – Patsy with the kiss-curl on her forehead. She was very coy and hesitated his advances at first. He looked like an old bloke in Patsy's mind … she being 20 and he a groaningly 20 years older than her she surmised he could be one of those 'sugar daddies she has heard about around town'. He wasn't going to give up though, so smoothly gave her all the guy-meets-girl-first-time crap – you know the ones - “you are beautiful', 'I have been waiting all my life for a woman such as you', 'why didn't I meet you years ago ?'. Actually and luckily for Joey, she had heard none of them before, with her having lived in Vasthills all her life. The local guys hadn't used them either, nor had the bush boys. My goodness, my golly, supercalafragalistic-expealadoshuz (or however it is spelt) … he knew he was on the right track. Patsy had that 'keep going with that talk' look in her big soft round eyes. She patted the seat next to her so he sat down within a hairs-breath of her, crushing into her blue Thai-silk frock. But she didn't seem to mind any of it – the crushed frock or being squashed – she was lapping it up big time. Joey was stoked.

The lights on the stage lit up again and it was time to unseat himself from within her private space and get back on stage. This time his song was another of Ricky Nelson's – a tried and tested song for his audiences – 'I will follow you'.

Patsy's and Joey's eyes locked across the room.

I will follow you

Follow you wherever you may go

There isn't an ocean too deep

A mountain so high it can keep

Keep me away, away from my love

Yes, she will follow him wherever he may go -

BUT WAIT !!

He can't be followed. He is here for two nights – he can't be followed back to his wife and 3 kids. He has his reputation to think of – it was all just in a night's work for Joey.

Now he has put his foot in it !

Joey came into town, Joey stayed but a while, and Joey left – this could happen in a town near you ! Be careful.