The Perfect Match

My hands were sweaty, my head was spinning, and I had circled around Harry’s Burger Shack at least a dozen times. It had been years since I had been on an actual date, and I had no clue who I was meeting. A few weeks ago, when this new app came out, I was sure it wouldn’t be any different than the others. The Perfect Match app promised to match you up with the most memorable date you had ever been on or they would refund you your membership, and expenses incurred on your date. I thought their arrogance was humorous, so I signed up for the premium account. I figured it would be the same experience of swiping on a few “out of my league” women, having potential mates I was not remotely interested in message me, and maybe go on one or two crappy dates only to get bored and delete the app. Still with such a bold claim, my curiosity got the better of me. The survey I took to setup my profile was extremely detailed. They asked about previous criminal history, my ancestral roots, the surnames of my grandparents, what exact car I drove, and more. Then, once I finished signing up, it got really weird.

“With Perfect Match, you never need to choose, send direct messages with false hopes of getting responses, or face direct rejection. Our AI will choose your perfect match for you. You will get a message within the next week of where and when to meet your date. Get ready to be wowed by your Perfect Match!”

I was shocked. Can my perfect match really be calculated better by a computer algorithm rather than by me choosing her for myself? I wasn’t sure how to feel. Part of me was excited to not have to choose and play the game; another part of me felt pathetic that a computer might know who is best for me better than I would. I logged off and convinced myself that I would never get a message so it wouldn’t be a big deal. I left myself a reminder on a sticky note to cancel my membership before I got charged for the next month and didn’t think anything more about it. Then 2 days ago, I got this message:

Subject: “We’ve found your Perfect Match”

We hope you are free Friday at 7:00pm when your perfect match will be waiting for you at Harry’s Burger Shack. She will be sitting at table 7, just ask the waiter for Cheri when you arrive. Be sure to log back into your account after the date and tell us how we did.

Thanks,

Date Bot for Perfect Match

I was speechless. They found me a date? What was I supposed to do now? Just show up to a blind date that a computer had set up for me? I went back and forth for a couple of days deciding whether I would actually go. Harry’s was my favorite restaurant, but I would never take a first date there; it’s not very classy. Still if I am meeting her there, this could be a good match. I loved the name Cheri as well, it sounded exotic. I overthought, battled with myself, and finally decided that if I didn’t show up, I’d always wonder.

I kept circling, checking the time. I didn’t want to show up too early and seem eager. I also wanted to make sure I wasn’t late. I finally pulled into a parking spot and watched the clock in my car turn to 6:55. Five minutes was on time without being too early, I decided, and got out of the car. I walked up to the double doors and pulled the left one open, slowly. With all the observational skills of a spy scoping out a joint, I looked at everyone and everything in the restaurant as I stepped up to the “Please Wait to Be Seated,” sign. There was only one single female in the place, so I figured that must be Cheri. She looked over and motioned me toward her. I stepped past the sign and walked up to the table.

She stood up with an excited smile. Then she reached out and wrapped her arms around me in a huge hug. I melted as she spoke in a light, smooth voice.

“Finally, you are here. I am so excited for this!”

Wow! I have never felt so welcome before in my life. Big points for the Perfect Match AI. She released her embrace and we sat down just as a waiter approached.

“I’m guessing this is who you were waiting for?” The waiter asked.

“Yes,” she said looking right at me and winking.

“We are all very excited to meet you,” the waiter continued holding out his hand eagerly. “She has been telling us all how amazing you are.”

Amazing? I started to wonder what the Date Bot had told Cheri to get such a reaction. I struggled to remember anything I might have answered on their extensive survey that would stand out as amazing.

I tentatively took the waiter’s hand and shook it.

“I’ll go get everything ready,” The waiter said with a huge smile and then rushed into the kitchen.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Cheri exclaimed squirming a bit in her seat.

“Umm…yeah this is great,” I replied now getting even more nervous.

“Meeting you is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” she continued. “So, what do you want to know about me?”

I sat frozen for a couple seconds feeling very inadequate and had no clue what to ask. I blurted out the only thing that came to mind:

“How old are you?”

“35” she replied instantly.

“Uh ok, where did you grow up?” I was beyond confused but couldn’t think of anything else to ask besides pointless, first date, get-to-know-you questions.

“I have been here my whole life, until now that is.” She said scooting forward in her chair and reaching out to grab my hand.

“Until now?” Her touch was intoxicating and sent chills throughout my body, so I scooted forward in my seat as she caressed my hand. Still, I had no clue what she was talking about.

“Our trip,” she said, letting go of my hand.

“Oh yeah,” I said almost instinctively to get her to keep touching my hand.

I was equally confused and enticed, and the mix of allure and fear made it impossible for me to have any truly coherent thoughts.

“So, where are we going?” I asked hesitantly as she made me melt again with her soft caress on my hand.

She let go and looked at me with a stern expression that left me feeling guilty like I had forgotten something important.

“We are ready, ma’am,” A large man in a dark, black jump suit stepped out of the kitchen door and held it open. Cheri stood up, walked over to where I was sitting, and held out her hand. I stood up, taking her outstretched hand. As we walked toward the kitchen door, she leaned in closer to me.

“You better let me do all the talking.  Don’t let them know you are not him,” she whispered sternly.

I nodded, and all the alluring feelings had been washed away by the new fear and embarrassment that there had been some horrible mix-up. She plastered a big, fake smile on her face and I did my best to follow suit.

The large man walked behind us as we navigated our way through the empty kitchen and out the back door of the restaurant to face a large, black sedan with darkly tinted windows. The intimidating man opened the back door and Cheri stepped inside. He then escorted me to the other side, opened that door, and I sat down.

Cheri stared forward with a blank expression until the car started rolling.

“You are not him!?” She yelled.

I looked around nervously. There was a wall between us and the front seats that I am guessing was soundproof.

“Uh…I don’t know,” I said unsure of what was happening.

“Do you have it?” she demanded.

“Have what?” I asked nervously, scooting away from her.

“The code, our ticket off this planet.” She explained in a frustrated tone.

“Off this planet?” Now I wondered if she was crazy. My perfect match was a lunatic. Great job Perfect Match.

“Aaaaahhhh!” she screamed and put her head into her hands for a few seconds.

“If we show up with out the code, they will make sure we disappear.” She paused. “Who the hell are you?” She was now obviously panicking.

“I’m…” I thought twice about sharing my real name. “Look I just signed up for a dating app and got a message to meet Cheri at the burger shack. This was supposed to be a blind date.”

“Wait!” she interjected. “Let me see that message.”

I pulled my phone out and opened the email from the Perfect Match AI. She yanked the phone out of my hand, clicked on the search icon on my mail program, and typed in the “from” field: datebot@perfectmatch.ai

The screen showed the welcome email, the one directing me to meet Cheri, and one I had never seen before with the subject, “Your Boarding Code.” I stared in disbelief.

“It is you!” she exclaimed happily. “But apparently they did a really good job erasing your memories.” She leaned over and whispered in my ear. “We’ll do whatever it takes to bring them back.” Then she pressed her lips to mine in the most electrifying kiss I had ever experienced. I had no power or desire to object at that moment. We spent the next few minutes embracing and kissing until the car came to an abrupt stop and there was a pounding on her door.

“Get out of the car, Cheri! This ends now!” an aggressive voice yelled.

The last thing I remembered was a strong person pulling me out of the car and a sharp blow on the back of my head, then I woke up here with you asking me questions.

“You really have no memory of Cheri or the plan to escape?” a man in a black suit asks me as he leans over a metal table to get closer to me.

“Ok then,” he says and then leaves the metal room where I am chained to a metal chair. I hear the door bolt behind me and wonder where I am and what will happen now.