IT WAS NOT MY PLACE

I had been walking for hours and I did not seem to be getting to my destination. As I went further, I met a crowd. The first face I saw was my musical mother. She came as Whitney. Around her was a throng. It looked like many people had been birthed in our house. I couldn’t remember when that happened but I felt like everyone in the crowd was my relative.

Then Alas! I met my twin sister. We somehow looked alike!. She was musical. She had everything in talent that our musical mother had. She received all the attention in the room. Her voice was of course the instrument. Everyone in the room praised and talked highly of her. She sang all the high notes and kept everyone entertained. I somehow felt jealous. “Why wasn’t I given the voice too?” I disliked myself for not having the talent.

All of sudden, there was darkness all over and high shrills rented the air. Everyone scampered for safety into their rooms. I was not left behind either. I found myself in a dimly lit room with 4 others. The room had 2 double-decked beds. My sister and I shared one upper bed.  I didn’t understand why we did not sleep in separate beds. It felt like an order. The only problem was, I could not remember when those instructions were given. Everyone had forgotten about the shrills and the darkness in the sitting room that caused us to vacate the area. My sister started singing as we slept. This disrupted my sleep. Somehow, I had started feeling confused. Nothing in this place made any sense. “Could it be possible that I had suffered amnesia?” Nobody cared about me; at least it seemed. The only time my mother cared was when she told me that I was now an adult and I needed to take care of myself without an ounce of her energy. My sister seemed engulfed in her own world of fame. Everyone else seemed to be busy and asking questions felt like a bother.

The people I had lived with and known my entire life had suddenly become strangers. At least not to my face but in my heart, they felt distant. It seemed I was on a self-awareness journey in my adulthood. The most difficult thing for any grown-up. I didn’t know anything about my childhood, I could not remember my school, I didn’t remember my friends, I didn’t know these people in our home except for the bloodline that felt traceable by heart. Did something happen to me? Was I involved in an accident that left me with memory loss? This and many other questions jolted in my mind.

Just then, the drama queen was at it again. She loves attention and she can do anything for it. Even when we were little, It was always about her. I realized I could remember that bit of my sister while we were maturing. Excitement beamed on my face for this little piece of memory. It felt like gold. But it was short-lived when the door flew ajar and there stood my mother wearing an angry face. A very familiar face when my sister had been wronged. I knew I was in trouble. My sister started her accusations about me trying to push her from the bed. I slapped her mouth for such rantings. Off she left the room and everyone ran after her.

The scene had transferred to the compound of the house. It was night but all in the house woke up to beg her to come inside. Sweets, parts on the back, kind words, and lullabies were sung as part of the appeal for the queen of the home to get back to the house. This felt unusual too. While outside, It became clear that my sister was a favorite of everyone and she was treated like some kind of a god. And now, I had messed things up by angering their idol. They made me feel terrible about it. Nobody wanted to see me there. 

Suddenly an order thundered from my mother for everyone to start heading to the house. Obedience was a priority as every foot hurried not to be the last one to enter. I lingered behind for a while because I was afraid of what awaited me in that house. 

Nothing seemed constant here. It was a rollercoaster of emotions caused by incidents that I didn’t understand their significance. I felt like my head would burst if I followed this crowd inside. In addition, I had enraged them by slapping their most precious member of the family. As I hesitated behind, My mother walked towards me and did an odd thing. She started begging me to go to the house with her. She was all of a sudden friendly. I really wanted to believe that she was genuine but my intuition communicated otherwise. It was too late, I had made up my mind. I didn’t want this place anymore. It felt strange and unsafe. 

The more my mother begged, the more I started retreating. She started running. I started running too. I had been running for long in a deserted wild land. No crop, no sign of anyone except the dust. The road seemed long and that brought tiredness to my entire body. My muscles were aching and I could feel them chew on my bones. I was sweaty, thirsted hard, and gasped for air. I started passing out, passing out….. And I went. Down with a thud.

I woke up on a top bed. Two sisters were beside me accusing me of stealing their dreams. I was more perplexed by this. From one unknown land, I landed in another peculiar place. They were mad at me and each was ready to give me a beating. As they quarreled at me and threatened to lay blows on me, I covered my head and my ears with both of my hands, and voila! I saw light in my room. A new dawn had been ushered. That is when it became clear that I saw the dead, but it was not my place.

Excited that I was alive and normal, I got out of the bed, opened my balcony door, settled on the chair that always rests there, and started enjoying the sunrise of a beautiful day.