Do I ever Remember?

Do I ever remember? Of course, I remember all the things that made the memories and all the things I remember that made me smile. I remember when time would seem to "stand still" and the moment would seem to "last forever".

I remember how I played my first ballgame, how I was in my first play in school. I remember where I was when the New Year was rung in, when I had my first kiss, and yes when I first cried. It was these defining moments that were part of the journey that would one day lead to where I am today and where I hope to go from here too.

I remember the presents at Christmas, how they were wrapped with care, how I was excited to find that I received gloves and a scarf, handmade by my mother, with loving care. I remember all the times we would gather together, for reunions and holidays, realizing with each passing year, there were less and less people attending.

I remember the day, when I got the news of my father's sudden heart attack, while driving home from work, my mother's cancer scare, her sadness while dealing with chemo, (from losing all her hair), the joy of her full recovery, only to be met with sadness of her cancer returning, and it was much worse and sudden.

I remember that loss of having my favorite pet, Buddy, die in my arms after being sick for several months, and being I was very young when this happened, it was my first, and surely not my last of this experience. I remember my first time at the beach, allowing the waves splash on legs and feet, and going for a swim, after being taught how to swim back home.

I remember my love for life and all that it had to offer, being introduced to it in more ways that I can remember, yet wanting to learn more each time I was shown all that was fresh and new. I remember how life did not always play fair, but life was the one who wanted to win, because it was a sore loser.

I remember "when the music died" and on the day it died, which brought about change, changes that would happen for the things in the present to come about because of the past. I remember when soda was a nickel, when you could make a phone call for a dime and when life was more simpler than it has turned out.

I remember how I was happiest when I got good grades, or correctly completed something, that was a new achievement for me. I remember the sun shining on my face in the morning and shing on my face as it was setting. It was always a memory placed in my mind that I hope to never forget.

I remember how I was ecstatic when my favorite ball team won the World Series or which ever team I had been following during the season. I remember the time I smoked my first cigarette or drank my first beer, and vowed never to repeat those not so happy moments. I remember my first library card and my first draft card, and my first driver's license.

I remember love gained and love lost, childhood that was all too short=lived, and I remember when I entered the service, to boldly serve my country, yet unsure of where this would lead me to next.

I remember the smell of flowers in the spring, the aroma of my favorite dishes, that were cooked by my sweetheart, and I remember the day I first felt loneliness and loss.

I remember my first child being born, I remembered how I was overwhelmed by the emotion and happiness that caused me to pause. I remember the moments that made me smile, the moments that made me sad, or angry or "at a loss" for words. I remember my first day at school, how I was very nervous, yet excited at the newness of it all.

I remember my times on my grandparents farm, how I was able to be close to them, and being taught all the things that made a farm work. I remember riding on my granddaddy's knee, as we rode the tractor around the farm, so that I could learn and remember all that I was taught. I remember hurrying home from school to see if I had received a letter from them.

Oh I remember how the pain I felt, when I was no longer able to go for my summer visits, and I was no longer able to see them in person. I remember the day that I married my sweetheart, with whom I had loved from the first day we met in elementary school. I remember the loss I felt the day she passed on, and instead of love, my heart was filled with a huge void.

I remember the day I had my first physical, and the day I was told I had stage 3 cancer, I remember how I sad and became emotional at the news. I remember how there were good times and bad, on so many levels, I remember the joys, the fears, the happiness, and sadness, trying to remember it all as I looked once more in the mirror

I saw what I knew would be. what was at that moment, what was to come. In my mind I was sure I would still remember all the many things I had done or thought of, never knowing what the future would hold, much less my own.

I was wanting to remember it all, so that I would never forget any part of m, that was important to me, no matter how old I was to had become. I felt a pang of pain, in my chest and was aware that I was not infinite, but definitely finite. I remember that moment when I reached out into a void of darkness and blandness, reaching out for the memories that would be carried with me to my final destination.

I remember the moment when they came to see if I had met my end, to see if I was taking my last (or had taken my last) breath. I was no longer sure whether I was here alive, or was off somewhere else. I remember, as I closed my eyes, as the last breath escaped my lungs, as I finally was no longer here, it was then that reality escaped me and with that I no longer remembered anymore.