it's not always how it looks

Trigger warning: suicide

Lillian

Lillian woke up. Like the morning before, and the morning before that, and like every day. With the feeling of loneliness. Was she alone though? She lived in the biggest city in the world. She saw hundreds to thousands of people day to maybe an hour. She lived the life of luxury. She had tons of friends. But were they really her friends? Were they just using her? But to get what she had, and what they also had. If they were her friends why did she feel the pull of death day after day.

“Lillian” the lady at the front desk called. Her shirt hung down so low you could almost see every little detail. Her face was clean without a stich of makeup. The bags could hold the world that dragged on her skin. It was probably was what she was wanting to happen anyways. She probably was having an affair with someone here. Her missing wedding ring said what she thought was true. You could see the tan line that covered the skin till it was white as snow. Even though the ring was less than a ¼ inches it still was huge, reminding people who don’t want to go down the long and complicate route to steer away. Lillian had been down the road before, but it wasn’t her it was him. Her husband. Her love. The one who had said his heart was hers to keep. He had loved another woman. That wasn’t her.

Heather

It was the first time she had ever taken off her ring. Her husband had died yesterday in the heat of the day. At lunch break his favorite time during the workday. She remembered waiting at the café for him to show. He never did. He died two blocks away. Just two. He died instantly. His last thoughts who knows? Did he suffer at any point during the crash? Her shirt was way too low. But it was his favorite shirt of hers. The tears streamed down her check slowly. She went into her drawers and pulled out the ring. It was an opal and diamond. Its not like they didn’t have enough money. Its just he thought just diamond was to generic. She was all alone. Without him there was no one. She didn’t make friends. She didn’t even date before him there was just some thing about him that had her drawn to him. The tears burned right through her face into her brain. They were the first of many to come. She hadn’t cried out of shock last night. She hadn’t cried once. If she had she was to numb to feel anything. The world had gone from a fountain of colors to the moon. It was so interesting how someone can mean that much to a person to make them lose sight on reality so quickly.

“yes, heather” she said with such venom in her voice. She looked up at Lillian couldn’t she tell that she was hurting. Lillian’s red hair was straighten to perfection. Her blouse was fitted in all the right ways. It was obnoxious how gorgeous she was. But All she really wanted right now was someone to share the pain with.

“how’s your secret affair going?” she asked in a hushed voice that made heather all the madder with life. who was she? Didn’t she know.

“not going every well I see is that why you’re in tears.” Lillian was battling something inside her. It was clear as day on the outside.

“no, I am not in an affair, Lillian” she almost yelled.” My husband died yesterday. On his way to meet me at lunch”

Lillian looked taken back for a quick moment and then she laced back up the face she showed everyone.

“oh, I am sorry for your loss” and walked ahead and out of view.

“Mrs. Felipe, could you come with me. The tears streamed so fast her shirt was starting to change color just like her heart. Her grey shirt was turning black. Into the black as if an oblivion. As if a black hole that sucked up the person, she used to be with one tug of a string.

Robert

“what is the meaning of all this crying?” he was curious how someone like her could be crying. She had the life. Her home life was never like his. She was still married. His partner left after she gave birth nineteen years ago. She just left. The hole in his heart was filling slowly but surely. He was going to be okay. He had his son that was all that matters. Sure, he wasn’t the best dad. But he was good enough. He had son in soccer, he was also an honor scout. He had made sure his son had gotten good enough, so he could have a scholarship. This was also his first year at college. It hurt Roberts heart that his son was hundreds of miles.

“listen manage is coming today. You can’t be seen crying” he didn’t have time for her life problems, not today. And with a crack, her hand was across his face like lightning. The stink sent his body into a sort of shock. The shock of rage and surprise.

“heather, did you just slap me?”

“yeah I did.”

he was beyond mad there was no other away to put. He was tried of all these people who had an actual childhood. Who didn’t have to come home to be worried about get beaten into a pulp?

“heather you better have the very best explanation out there for your behavior or you out of here.” He was dead serious.

“you know what. I am done. With you. With Lillian. With life.” He was over boiling with anger she was done with life what a laughingstock.

“my husband died yesterday in a car crash two blocks away from where he was meeting me for lunch. Do you know how much it hurts to know it was kind of my fault.” She yelled picked up each foot as if the were 300 hundred pounds each. And walked away.

Lillian

What was wrong with her. Asking is she was in an affair. She should have seen the circles and known something was off. They were going through almost the same thing. Except heather had it easier. He left because he died. Her husband left because of her.

Heather

Walked out of the office and ran.

Ran till she got to where she wanted.

Even though her legs felt like the were weights.

She went into the drug store.

Found the pills.

Checked out.

And walked.

Till she was on the corner.

Where he died.

Took all the pills and laid down.

And went to sleep.

To be with him again.

Robert

How did he tell her that? How could he. He got in his car and drove into the oblivion. He drove and drove all through New York. He was driving till he noticed her. His ex-wife with some guy. The stitching that was holding him together all fell out. He drove some more. He passed several homes less people. One was a man with sorrow that could swallow the world whole. Another woman who was asleep with a grayish black shirt. He drove. He drove and drove. Until there was nothing left because he was alone in a world full of people.