The problem with dedicating songs

Life is one big ball of disappointed.

Nothing ever goes according to plan. Good things always happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. The rest of us that are in between what do we get ? The answer is nothing. 

Most skills that come naturally to others often seem to elude me. I've been told several times to work on my social skills. To learn to interact with other humans properly. To learn the simple act of communication but it isn't simple or easy if you're like me.

People like us are the twenty percent of the hundred percent. We're in every room,every meeting, in the church, in schools, we're everywhere. Unlike extroverts with their magnet that band them together, we are scattered everywhere.

Ah! You want to know why ?

That's because we're unnoticeable, the ordinary ones. There's nothing special about us. We blend into the crowd so easily, it's like a superpower. It's possible for us to stay in your class or apartment complex for three years and not once will you notice us. 

I've always been happy been unnoticeable, being the person no one could see. It always saved me from social awkwardness and troubles. Some of my friends say the reason why I find comfort never been noticed is because of fear.

Fear ??! Never. I have only being scared of a few things in my life and humans are not among them.

I just like being alone

Away from the crowd

In my tiny little corner

With my earphones on

And my soul someplace else.

I can no longer be the social destruction I am, you see I have a new job and it is important for me to be as socially smart as possible. 

What's your question ? Oh..oh you want to know my new job ?

Well, you see, my new job is adulthood. It's really tasking and stressful. It doesn't give you a break. 

Today, i am in front of a church. Yes, a church. I hear the people there are always nice and welcoming. They don't force you to do anything, you can sit and dream all day long and the sweetest part is that you're socializing, at least somewhat. My roommate cousin friend said a youth program is always held here at this time. So i am here for it

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That was a disaster. I will probably never go near a church program again. They weren't nice. Judgemental and annoying was more like it. The leader was always trying to boss me around like I am a little child. Maybe, it's my height. I always knew being short was going to be a problem one day.

The people in the church were boring people. There wasn't anything spectacular to take me out of my daydream, nor did I learn the act of socializing. I left the same way I came.

Empty,

Sad,

Socially awkward

....and damn I think someone stole my gum.

People really are nasty.

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I started taking an online class on socializing. Everything they say is really simple, but I still can't do it. I was told to talk to the nicest person I see on the road but I couldn't. For some reason, my feet refused to move to anyone nor my mouth speak to anyone. I just stood on the road as people mingle and laughed.

I don't understand

Why is it so simple for others ?

Why can't I talk to others ?

Why does my mind fly away to another word when people try to start a conversation with me ?

Why is this so sad ?

Is it normal ?

Am I normal ?

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The online class is officially over. Two weeks of agonizing lectures are done. Now the time has come to test everything I have learnt. University is opening tomorrow. Everyone is going to be surprised when they noticed the super fun person I am.

Seriously though, I really am a fun person.

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I hate school. I hate hate hate school. I can't wait to graduate so I can leave here and do whatever people who graduate do.

I was a shadow as usual today.

Just behind my friends

Unnoticed, like a small pin on the floor

I tried introducing myself to some people but after a few minutes, they all forget about me.

It hurts so much today

I wonder why I've never felt this way

Maybe it's because I have never tried to be noticed before

I hate trying new things

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I have a date today, just a little grand affair. I am full of nerves and questions.

What if I like him too much ?

What if he annoys me so much to the point I slap him ?

Why are my palms sweaty ?

Why the heck do I feel like throwing up ?

What if I mess things up ?

Do I really want to go on a date ?

Gintama or Cowboy Bepop, which should I binge during the weekend ? Maybe I will do both, sleep is for looser anyway.

We've known each other since we were children, I and my date. We've always been together yet separate. When he was home on vacation, then I was in another part of the world. When we were both home, I usually hid in my room whenever he came. Not today though, I decided to come out.

I hear dates can be used as a tool to socialize, to know people. We made reservations at a restaurant. The restaurant is filled to the brim, I wonder if the restaurant is always like this.

They serve us vegetables, tomatoes and some other things I have never seen before. I don't like it. I feel like throwing it across the window. I prefer to eat burgers and beef and cereals. I have never been thrilled with the concept of healthy eating.

Maybe if I eat this little yellow things on my plate, I will be noticed as a paragon of healthy eating.

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Yeah, am never doing that again. I hated it and still hate it

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He is laughing and smiling as we walk to my apartment. That's what happens when I tell him about the social skills I am trying to learn. He says if socially invalidity was a person, I'd be it. I don't think it's funny tho.

"You will probably never be socially awkward but here you are, on a date with me after hiding away for eight years. I think you'll do good" he said

 He's right, I am doing good.

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I think I will watch only gintama this weekend and cowboy Bebop on Monday and Tuesday. The date took a lot of my social fuel so I need time to recharge.

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I ended up not going to class throughout the week. He's coming again, he said he knows a place where socially awkward people can get to know each other. 

I hope he means Anime convention.