The Irony is Lost!

"Follow that car!" said Benjy, pointing through the windshield which was soaking wet with torrential rain.

The rain had been sudden, yet potent, in its ferocity and vivacity. The Taxi ride had been sudden, the call placed just moments before. There was a tension in the air.

"What car?" said the Taxi driver, known to reality only as Splashtastic73.

"The dark blue car with the tinted windows," said Benjy. "Two cars ahead."

Benjy was desperate. Life had already taken a turn for the worse, as if he didn't have enough already on his plate. Benjy had been working as a corporate attorney at the law firm Jason, Franklin & Spice, a high-powered firm that was third in the region, though Twitter would have more to say about that. They had been known for the "Big Wholloppers," or highly hyped trials that ended with surprise cliffhangers, sort of like an M. Night Shyamalan film.

In their last case - Markson vs. The State of Ohio - Jonus Markson, the son of a magnate billionaire and heir to the Graphite Potato Chips fortune, had just gotten himself involved in an anti-trust case involving $400 billion worth of Graphite Potato Chips which were sold to the nation of China. His company had cornered the market in China, as no other company on earth could even get its hands on that much graphite, much less the edible kind. At the time, Markson's company, Exprellis, had about 95% market share coming out of the nation of China. When it came time for the trial, everyone was seated in their normal seats. The judge heard the arguments from both sides. Then, suddenly, the judge called Markson to the witness stand. This was a completely unnecessary thing to do, as Markson was not a high-value witness at the moment.

The judge called again, and again, but Markson wouldn't move. He just sat there, frozen.

"Is that a freaking mannequin?" said the judge. "You brought a mannequin into my courtroom as the defendant?"

Needless to say, Jason, Franklin and Spice had a lot of explaining to do. It wasn't easy sneaking that mannequin under everyone's noses. Word had gotten around town. JFS was down on wax. Everyone laughed. A few wax figurines were sent to their attorneys as a joke. That was Benjy's first case out of law school. His bosses had told him that "Markson is a slippery fellow." But who really could have known that that would turn out to literally be the case?

Benjy was thinking about all of the above as the Taxi he was riding in rolled down the boulevard. It was raining so hard, and the windows were so fogged, that every car that drove by looked like a dark-blue car with tinted windows. Reading license plates was out of the question as well. After a few minutes, the car began to undulate.

"Where are we going?" said Benjy.

The driver simply pointed forth: "He went onto the car crusher's lot."

Suddenly, a large group of children appeared almost out of nowhere, surrounding the vehicle and eliminating all hope of escape.

"What the? What is this?" said Benjy.

The children had long, straight hair and glowing eyes. Their outfits were drab gray and dark blue. Benjy thought about opening the door. Just then, the children began to scream. It was only a few seconds; but their screams were so loud, so powerful, so forceful, that every window on the Taxi shattered instantaneously. As Benjy sat there, leaning over unconscious, covered in glass and soon to be reeling from a pain in his eardrum, he thought about this current case. Who was this guy, really? Why was he so hard to get ahold of? What was he hiding?

Benji Woke up soaking wet and cold, all the way to the bottom of his underwear. How long had he been lying in this torrential rain? His wrists were tied to a rope, which was in turn tied to a stake in the ground. His wits about him, Benjy instantly began to pull. As he'd guessed, the rain and mud had weakened the strength of the stake in the ground. After a few hard pulls, it gave way. Then, he heard it. Voices. Those little children, they were still nearby. He heard a few chatters. A scream here and there. He was then startled to see a little girl standing behind him. Dressed like the others and carrying a walking stick, she was a leader. Benjy thought about how he should proceed. What should he say? Did she even speak a language?

"Where's Maxim?" said Benjy.

To his surprise, she did not react when he spoke, almost as if she were deaf. She then lifted her free arm and pointed off to the left.

"You're not going to like this," said a voice, who turned out to be Maxim. "I didn't think you would."

"Maxim, we have a case," said Benjy. "The case is going to trial. We need you to do witness prep. This is vital. I'm the laughingstock of the legal world and I can't continue doing this!"

"Doing what?"

"This! This: sonic boom-screaming children, broken glass, Taxi chases in the rain. Don't you want to win your case? Don't you want the money? Don't you want to be on TV? Even briefly?"

"Just relax," said Maxim. "This isn't going to get out of control."

"Out of control? You just called The Children of the Corn on me! My hands are tied together, and my nether regions are wet! This is not what I went to law school for!"

At this, Maxim flicked his head to the right. Suddenly, the young girl produced a blade and, with one swipe, cut the bonds from Benjy's wrists.

"Good. Good, good, good. That's great. Now. Mr. Maxim. Can we do the witness prep here, with my nether regions wet, or should we wait until I've washed the tadpoles and worms off my face?"

A week later, after loads of cajoling and negotiations, Benji finally got Maxim to stand trial. This was the day, the most important day of Benjy's short career. The judge banged the gavel, bringing the entire court to attention.

"Okay, so, we are going to try this again," said the judge. "Would the defendant, Mr. Maxim, please take the stand?"

Suddenly, there was a thunder of echoes coming from everywhere at once. The lights began to flicker off and on. Then the blackout occurred. When the light came back on, Mr. Maxim was gone, but so was the stand.

"The irony is lost," cried Benjy, cryptically.