46 comments

Drama

The moral of the story is that you never fall for who you’re supposed to.

To you, the one who took everything that was once mine, the one I’m still learning to forgive.

People want to be good, but the world we live in won’t let them. You were the one who taught me that. You told me to learn to give people second chances because everyone deserved to feel loved.

You called me a pathological liar once. You were right; I am but, so are you.

You taught me that family is the most important thing but, I didn’t understand that until I didn’t have you guys anymore. I didn’t understand it when mum took your side and dad took mine. I didn’t understand it until I broke their marriage. But I guess age isn’t synonymous to wisdom.

I knew all the things we did had consequences, but I never believed in the law of karma. If we did a lot of bad things but were able to do more good than bad, would that cancel out the bad? I thought it would. I thought if there were more good things, we would be too busy reaping the benefits of the good we had done that the bad would come and it wouldn’t kick us down. I thought that I would enjoy the benefits of the good I had done for so long that I would be long gone on this Earth and not have to face the music for my actions.

I was wrong. You were right, again. Our actions have consequences and we will face them sooner or later. That doesn’t mean I believe in karma though. What it means is that I should have told you.

We were getting so much better at pretending everything was okay until he came along and messed everything up. Nothing is okay.

You asked me a question once and I told you I didn’t know the answer. I should have told you no because that was the right answer. I did know then. I just pretended like I didn’t.

I loved him. I loved him and you took him from me. We were best friends, Noah and I. We did everything together. You’d tease me about him all the time and I’d blush and deny that I had feelings for him. I didn’t. Not until he was yours anyway. You took my best friend and made him your boyfriend.

That was what stung.

I looked exactly like you. We were the same height and had the same curly brown hair. We had the same face for goodness’ sake! But he had never looked at me that way, the way he looked at you.

I knew all the little things about him no one seemed to realize, like how his favourite colour was yellow but not the yellow that was the colour of the sun or sunflowers. His favourite colour was the yellow that was at the centre of daisies. He loved explaining it to people but they’d look at him like he was crazy so he told them his favourite colour was white when they asked to get to know him.

The day you asked him, he told you it was white and winked at me. I was the only one that knew what it meant and I felt special because both of you never bothered to make time for me when you hung out. I fell for him while he was yours but I never told you because I never planned to act on my feelings.

I didn’t act on my feelings but your paranoia drove you mad. You knew I liked him. You knew before I did and you took him from me. I was angry. I was more than angry. I was raving, so I kissed him right in front of you so you would feel everything I felt when I had to see that.

I regretted it immediately but when you asked me I told you I didn’t know if I did. I did though. I swear I did. I just wanted it to hurt you the way it was hurting me. I wanted you to feel how I was feeling. Then you looked at us, and I looked at you and saw him look at you and I realized that even if he had fallen for me, he never would have looked at me that way.

You didn’t speak to me after that, not until four months passed. A lot changed in those months. Mum and dad got separated and our family fell apart, mum with you and dad with me. I hadn’t seen Noah in those four months at all. I don’t know what telling you will achieve but, I feel you should know. Four months of you not talking to me had nearly driven me insane and then just like that Noah died or at least I thought he did. The descriptions matched perfectly and there was no one to identify the body. We could have but we decided it was best not to get involved. He died in that plane crash. I was so sure because you decided to identify the body after all.

He was buried in Oakwood Cemetery. I visited him every day with daises and talked to him for hours.

I wasn’t talking to him, I was talking to a stranger. You had stolen someone’s identity because the name on the gravestone said, Noah Davis. It had his name and his birth date. I cried thinking about him and he was alive!

You made me feel like an idiot when I told you I saw him standing there on Merriweather Street, smiling at me as I carried my groceries home. You made me feel like I was seeing things but, I wasn’t. He was there and he did smile at me. He smiled the way he always had and I froze, groceries and all. Different people stopped to look at me strangely. But I could only snap out of my trance when I was hit from behind and dropped the groceries. When I looked up, he was gone. But, he sent me a letter last week so, I know I didn’t imagine it. He really was there.

You lied to me. Noah wasn’t dead. He went by Corbin Meyer now; the man that had actually died in the plane crash; the man with no family. There was no trace of him before the crash anywhere. The both of you had stolen his identity (which meant you had been in contact with him) and no one had noticed. He wanted a fresh start and you used the opportunity to get rid of him. He sent me the letter because he wanted to close this chapter and start ‘afresh’.

Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened if I never kissed him. I would have been able to live with seeing you guys date and probably break up, so in the end, I’d have the both of you together but separate, ‘my sister’ and ‘my best friend’ not, ‘my sister and my best friend’. Or, maybe things would have ended the same, we go our separate ways. Who knows?

Charlotte Joko Beck said, “You can’t fix everything.” While this is true, it doesn’t mean we can’t try. Forgiveness is a journey. You didn’t know that. Forgiveness is also a choice, and it’s not easy. You taught me everyone deserves a second chance, but it was so easy for you to write me off. I get it now because you were in pain. You were right though, everyone does deserve a second chance. But I was right because I told you those aren’t easy to give. But, we get chances every day to be better and make up for our mistakes. Not everyone does but the chances are worth it for those who do.

I didn’t love him, I thought I did. I loved the way he treated you. I didn’t love him; I felt left out. I wanted someone to treat me the way he treated you.

There’s no do-over or time machine, but there are second chances and there was a time before Noah. There was a time when it was Heaven and Nevaeh against the world. I hated the name Nevaeh and wondered why you got to be Heaven. I hated it until I didn’t because Nevaeh means ‘life’. You were ‘heaven’ and I was ‘life’. 

July 30, 2020 23:20

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46 comments

Raquel Rodriguez
06:09 Aug 01, 2020

I love your writing style! Charles is right though... all the italic made me dizzy and distracted me from thoroughly reading the story... (lol) Still, great story, I just think the italics kind of... take some of that away. My eyes hate me now XD Don't get me wrong, this is really good. I especially love the sentence, 'I would have been able to live with seeing you guys date and probably break up, so in the end, I’d have the both of you together but separate, ‘my sister’ and ‘my best friend’ not, ‘my sister and my best friend’.' ...

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Doubra Akika
07:04 Aug 01, 2020

Of course! I’ll definitely check them out today. I’ve changed the font back to the original for the sake of both your eyes🤣. Thank you for reading and for your feedback. It really means a lot!

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:01 Aug 01, 2020

Your welcome! Stay safe! :)

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P. Jean
19:57 Aug 15, 2020

It took me awhile to get into this story. Overall well written. I found nothing distracting in the font or presentation.

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Doubra Akika
20:00 Aug 15, 2020

Thank you so much! I had to change the font it was written. Wrote most of it in italics so a few people had issues with that. I’m so glad you liked it!

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P. Jean
20:06 Aug 15, 2020

Great learning tool this group. Glad you are happy with the changes. I get very few comments...one fellow told me to go back to woodcarving instead of writing but I write on. Must evacuate the words!

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Doubra Akika
20:11 Aug 15, 2020

You should! Please don’t listen to them! I personally like your writing.

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I love how you write this! It's a beautiful story. And you've been on here for a few weeks, i think, yet I love the way you write it all :o It was kind of sad in the beginning. I love the mood you put in it. Keep writing!

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Doubra Akika
20:21 Aug 02, 2020

Thank you so much! I’m really happy that you took time out to read this. Your feedback means a lot.

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My pleasure!

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Charles Stucker
18:57 Jul 31, 2020

Please do my eyes a favor and next time make your piece in standard font, not italics. I got eye strain from reading this. Your basic premise is promising and the opening line leads well into everything else. The writing is clean and the paragraphs are well done. However, you have some structural issues. The worst is that everything is being narrated by Nevaeh in a tell style. It feels almost clinical, like a history article. If you try something like this again, choose a few scenes to be the main thrust and have someone think about ...

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Doubra Akika
20:11 Jul 31, 2020

Oh okay. I get what you’re saying. Thank you for the feedback and sure I’ll make it in standard font for your sake🤣. I’ll try implementing your suggestion whenever I write a new piece. Thank you for reading!

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. .
00:19 Sep 03, 2020

Great story

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Doubra Akika
09:44 Sep 03, 2020

Thanks!

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Velma Darnell
18:25 Aug 12, 2020

I truly enjoyed this story, Doubra. I love your style of writing, it makes everything more realistic to me :) And this line: "Forgiveness is a journey" is one of my favorite. Keep writing! p.s. I would appreciate if you could read my story "A Lifelong Journey" when you aren't busy, thank you!

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Doubra Akika
18:37 Aug 12, 2020

sure! I'd love to and thanks too.

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17:32 Aug 12, 2020

This story is so nice and written so professionally 😃😃 But there was a lot of analysis before I had a clue of what you were actually talking about. Asides that, it’s well put together. Well done, Oyindoubra!

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Doubra Akika
17:51 Aug 12, 2020

Thank you so much for reading! Your comment means a lot.

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18:26 Aug 12, 2020

No problem love reading your stories

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Maria Hefte
18:22 Aug 09, 2020

Thanks for asking me over to read your work! I like this. It reads like a letter and the stream-of-consciousness works well for this perspective. That being said, please watch for grammar on compound sentences - very consistently found “but,” with a comma following when commas should *precede* all conjunctions followed by independent phrases. It is very important to nail all grammar in a second person perspective. It is not a popular point of view from which to write, people are not used to reading it, and therefore the narrative can bec...

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Doubra Akika
18:26 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you so much! I'll work on the grammar next time. Thank you so much for taking time to read this!

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Elizabeth M.
16:53 Aug 08, 2020

Loved the first line!

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Doubra Akika
17:03 Aug 08, 2020

Thanks.

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Khizra Aslam
15:42 Aug 06, 2020

This is such a beautiful story. You write it really well.❤

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Doubra Akika
16:06 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comment.

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Tvisha Yerra
16:12 Aug 04, 2020

You know, I remember reading the first paragraph of this and not liking it (no offense). And then literally a day later, my friend sent this to me, telling me how good it was. And it’s amazing! I didn’t even recognize this until I saw Charles Stucker’s comment. I love the way you wrote this, a stream of consciousness style. Absolutely beautiful.

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Tvisha Yerra
16:13 Aug 04, 2020

Oh and another thing, everyone’s saying to show more, but this is perfect the way it is! It’s a different style of writing, that’s all. :P

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Doubra Akika
16:38 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you so much! I’m so happy you read it. Also no offense taken 🤣. Your comment meant a lot😁!

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This overall was a pleasant story to read. I can see you that you worked hard on it. Well done.

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Doubra Akika
20:29 Aug 03, 2020

I did. Thank you so much!

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Saron Mengistu
11:44 Aug 03, 2020

Good job. This plot has a lot of originality. I love the hook at the introduction. You also did a good job in keeping the reader captivated through your story. For critique, I would work on the 'show, not tell,' aspect. All of the themes of your text are given rather directly, when you could've used language to open the eyes of the reader and thoroughly understand Navaeh's despair. This will help the reader connect with her, which is important in writing. Otherwise, Good work!!!

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Doubra Akika
15:53 Aug 03, 2020

Thank you so much for the feedback! That is definitely something I will work on next time. Thank you so much for reading and have a lovely day😁.

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Saron Mengistu
16:00 Aug 03, 2020

You're most welcome. Don't stop writing okay? You have a lot of potential :))

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Doubra Akika
16:30 Aug 03, 2020

I won't. Your comment definitely made my day.

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Saron Mengistu
17:13 Aug 03, 2020

Oh wow. I'm so glad you think that, and that I was able to help you. I'll leave more reviews on your stories in that case😃😃

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Doubra Akika
18:05 Aug 03, 2020

Thank you so much! That will be much appreciated. I'll leave reviews on yours too if it'll make a difference.

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Rebecca Kayode
23:49 Jul 31, 2020

Am proud of you

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Doubra Akika
23:52 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you 🤣

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Gabrielle Usiayo
10:57 Aug 12, 2020

same ooo

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R.L. Holland
18:52 Jul 31, 2020

I got so involved in your story that I forgot to look for anything to give you feedback on it. To me, if a writer can get me that zoned in, well, it is well-written. Hey, would you be willing to check out my story "Big Daddy Comes Back" and give some feedback? (Or any of my stuff!) Thanks.

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Doubra Akika
20:08 Jul 31, 2020

Sure. I actually read that today 🤣. But I’ll be sure to give you feedback right away! Thank you for reading and I’m really happy you liked it.😊

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Sue Marsh
18:34 Jul 31, 2020

that is really wonderful story, the dialogue is good, the story line is good and the twist at the top was like icing on the cake...well done. Sue

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Doubra Akika
20:07 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you so much 😊.

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Deborah Angevin
12:10 Jul 31, 2020

You got me at the first sentence. A beautifully written piece, Doubra! Would you mind checking my recent story out, "A Very, Very Dark Green"? Thank you!

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Doubra Akika
12:19 Jul 31, 2020

Sure and thank you for reading!

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