NOT RELEVANT

NOT RELEVANT

It is definitely time to take some affirmative action and I know exactly what I will do, I’ll sit him down and talk to him about my concerns. Perhaps if I run through it my mind I might be able to anticipate his objections. Oh and doesn’t he have a way of directing the conversation. How will I begin? Let’s try this to grab his attention.

Can I talk to you? I mean really talk about a subject for a change without you turning the conversation into a litany of ‘it’s all about you and what is going on in your life’. Can we do that?

What? You don’t believe you do that? When was the last time you asked for my opinion on anything? You can’t even remember can you?

 OK, I admit politics are not my strong point, so asking me to comment on who should govern the Country or the State does not count. When you mentioned left wing or right wing I understood you were talking about football, I’m sorry.

 No I mean really important things.

 Like what? You having to ask shows you do not care an iota what goes on outside your bubble.

 An iota? No, it’s not a State in America, that’s Ohio. Heaven help me. There was a time when you would not, no, make that could not, make up your mind on the smallest of things.  You want a for instance? What about what to have on your sandwiches eh? You could not decide between butter and margarine could you, well not without my help?

Not important? Jesus wept, don’t you know anything? The oil content in margarine is much higher than butter. Of course it is important.

 Salt? What has salt got to do with anything? We have always used salted butter. How should I know how much salt is in margarine? Do you know? No. Why don’t you know? Because it is not important. Exactly what I told you. We only use butter so the amount of salt in margarine is not relevant. Can we get back to what we were talking about?

True, we hadn’t actually started to talk about anything in particular. I want to talk about the fact I seem to be becoming more and more irreverent in your life.

Look it up, that is what you do if you do not know what a word means. Did they teach you anything at school today?

Irreverent? Are you sure that is what I said? To save you looking it up, it means not relevant. Irrelevant is what I said. Has your hearing gone? Irreverent is a different word, nothing to do with me becoming less and less important to you. I think it has something to do with the Bible, a religious term. Some religions have a Reverend, so it is probably something to do with that. I know the Church of England doesn’t have a Pope, perhaps they’re the ones who have a .Reverend instead.

Anyway I want to point out that as you get older and older you will realise you do not have to rely on me for very much at all. Forget the sandwiches. You will learn how to make your own. Yes, you can use margarine if you are concerned about the salt content. Whatever floats your boat.

I am aware you do not own a boat. It is a saying, an adage, it has nothing to do with you learning to sail. What happens if the boat doesn’t float? Oh for God’s sake, it sinks. Yes I do hope all on board can swim. Stop trying to divert my attention away from what I want to say.

Yes, about relevance. Specifically it is all about my relevance to you and why, as you get older, you are increasingly unaware of my needs, as yours increase.

Yes, I repeat, needs relevant to you. We only have a limited time left together. Time is on the wing.

No, time is not a bird. When you say it like that I have to agree, the wing is on the bird. At last something we agree on. No, as far as I am aware time does not have a beak. A beard? I believe it is Father Time who is portrayed as having a beard. Where did you learn that? Why did you think it is important enough to remember it when you can’t even remember making sandwiches with butter?

Trivia? If it’s trivia you want, how about knowing bananas grow straight. That is really trivia. No, they do not employ people to bend the bananas, the bananas bend themselves. Yes a mystery to me too why they do it. You and bananas are very much alike. You constantly defy me, bananas defy gravity. Yes, they turn upwards towards the sun. I have no idea what they do at night or on a cloudy day, all I know is I have never seen a straight banana. Have you? Defying gravity does not necessarily mean they are turning up because of the sun according to what I have read. There has to be another reason. Google it, you are the one who wanted trivia.

 Keeping up with his thought process is an exercise in futility. Now what I have to do is keep his mind on track. What was it I want to talk to him about????

Oh at last you are home. How was play school today? Learn anything new? Before you get on your computer I think we should talk about a certain subject. I’ve been thinking all day about how to approach it. I don’t want to waste your time. Tempus fugit. Yes that does mean the same as 'time is on the wing'. Before you point it out, yes, the wing is also on the bird. Once we talk about birds, do you think it is time for us to consider including bees? Any particular reason? I’m here to listen, I have the time.