The Curl at The Nape of His Neck

Submitted into Contest #81 in response to: Write about a first date that surprises both people, but in different ways.... view prompt

29 comments

Romance Happy Contemporary

Golden flecks adorn the honey brown of my iris. Only my eyes pierce through it all. I stare into the mirror, at the bright pink concealing my natural, plump lips, at the tight dress, revealing too many curves than I’m comfortable with, at the heavily caked-on makeup, obscuring my soft, blemished skin holding all the memorable scars of my past. I gaze at my now-unrecognizable hair, curled and sprayed into a trending fashion. I wouldn’t realize it was me staring back if it weren’t for the eyes. My eyes pierce through the whole facade, begging me to reveal myself. My true self. My amygdalae warns me against it, telling me to protect myself, to keep a barrier up, to not allow myself to be vulnerable. My heart is the battlefield, serving as a bystander as the two emotions fight for victory. 

As the fight perpetuates, an image of him ambles into my mind. I can’t help it, a small smile finds its way onto my face despite the dichotomy between my emotions at hand. The little curl of dark brown hair at the nape of his neck. His dark, dark eyes, holding murky waters full of mysteries and secrets that make me want to wade through and discover them all. 

I decide it’s worth it—I know I felt something when I first looked into those eyes. I would hate to deceive him if it’s worth it. I force the doubtful voice in my mind to pipe down and fall asleep for the time being as I let the tap water drip the mascara down my face, making me look like a heartbroken teen at a party.

***

I grunt in frustration at my third failed attempt at doing a tie. My gelled-back hair is starting to unclump, a few strands of stray hair falling onto my face, ruining the whole slicked look. I push the hairs back up and get to working on the tie again. I feel the little curl on the nape of my neck fall out of place for about the hundredth time. I push it up a bit too forcefully, wondering why everything seems to be falling to pieces today. Possibly because my mind is in shambles and I can’t seem to think straight. 

I stop working at the tie and take a look in the mirror. This isn’t how she’s seen me before. This isn’t what she saw in me. I know she doesn’t care about the fancy watches and polished shoes and gaudy cufflinks. The outfit seems superfluous now that I think about her. But what if she comes dressed up and I look like I put no effort in? 

I feel it deep down, I know that she’s not like that, she will come how I first saw her, hair flying in the wind, nose rubbed raw from the icy wind. 

Before I realize what I’m doing, the suit is off, the watch lay forgotten on my bed, my pristine shirt crumpled on the floor. I rush to my closet and grab the same hoodie and dark jeans I was wearing when I met her. I pull them on and manage to get the majority of the gel out of my hair. I let the curl that bore the weight of her gaze for a second too long rest on the nape of my neck. 

***

I’ve decided to grab the same flowery dress and sneakers I was wearing the day we met. The dress has reminded me of that day ever since and I wouldn’t want to wear it for any other occasion; today is the perfect day to wear it. 

I check my phone and see a text from him saying he’ll be here in twenty. A shiver runs down my spine as I change. My nerves act up, making my mind conjure up a million different possibilities, all of which make me smile. 

I use the rest of the time to rub the rest of my makeup off vigorously, liking the bareness of my skin and the comfort of my loose dress. I check myself in the mirror one last time and then sit on my bed, breathing deeply. I close my eyes and recite the familiar affirmations to myself, clinging to the steadiness of my breath. In and out. In and—

Knock! Knock! 

My heartbeat drums in my chest, threatening to pound itself right out. I force myself to stay seated and calm my nerves. I don’t want to look like I’ve just ran a mile. The flushed red in my cheeks add a little color to my face and I touch them reassuringly, then proceed downstairs.

I feel like a princess descending those wooden steps—no, transparent steps made out of ice and magic. As I reach the midpoint, I see him and my breath hitches in my dry throat. My prince. I almost laugh endearingly at what he’s wearing. I love how similar our minds think. 

My dad is standing by the door, chuckling lightly to himself. “Home by ten,” he says, more jokingly than stern.

I merely nod, nerves barring me from doing anything more. Those dark, dark eyes penetrate through mine, birthing little butterflies in my stomach and chest. 

***

I had managed to conceal my surprise at her house for her choice of attire. I love it. There’s this constant smile etched into my very mouth and I have to work hard to keep it at bay so as to not appear mad. I open the passenger door and let her in. I hand her something and hurry back to my side. I tell her to put it on. A blindfold. Her laugh is music to my ears, melodic and soft, leaving me wanting to hear more and more.

When we reach, I hold her arm and lead her to the spot I had so meticulously chosen for today. “Ready?” I ask her in a low voice, my arms resting on her waist.

“As can be,” she replies, a smile stretching across her face. 

I untie the blindfold, taking my sweet time, enjoying the sheer slowness of the moment. 

***

When he removes the blindfold, I’m not sure what I had expected to see—but it wasn’t this. I look around for what feels like a full minute, unaware of his gaze following me as I walk small circles around the park. I feel tears come to my eyes at his thoughtfulness. 

The park where my mother remarried. One of the happiest days of my life and where everything had turned for the better. I had told him about it on that cold, cold day and he hadn’t said anything, just looked at me with those dark, dark eyes.

I rush back to him and let the tears come, wanting him to see my appreciation rather than convey it in words. He holds my gaze, awakening those butterflies once more and sending them into a frenzy.

When he turns to put down a blanket, that small curl is framed against the red, red sunset and I shiver, knowing this moment will never leave me.

February 13, 2021 07:28

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29 comments

17:28 Mar 03, 2021

Wow Zahra this was so beautiful. You have a unique way of writing and those transitions were perfect. The last part gave me shivers just cause the mere details you added in made it seem so real, I truly loved it! Great job! Keep writing!

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Zahra Daya
17:57 Mar 03, 2021

Aw, thank you so much, this comment is the sweetest! I really appreciate the feedback :) - Z

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19:23 Mar 03, 2021

Of course!!!

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KED KED
18:12 Mar 21, 2021

Wow. This is extraordinary!! The different perspectives merged so seamlessly. What lovely writing! ♥️

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Zahra Daya
14:08 Mar 23, 2021

Thanks so much, Kelly! :)

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Jasey Lovegood
21:32 Feb 25, 2021

Hey Zahra, I really enjoyed your story! The way both characters decided not to dress up, and be their authentic selves instead was really nice to see. Awesome work! :D

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Zahra Daya
21:25 Feb 26, 2021

Thank you so much!

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Jasey Lovegood
22:15 Feb 26, 2021

No problem! :D

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Claire Lindsey
18:32 Feb 19, 2021

Hi Zahra, I love how sweet this story is! Your dual narrators frame the story so well and your tone/imagery are wonderful and very consistent throughout. A couple edits: “I love how similar our minds think.” - should be ‘similarly’ “Those dark, dark eyes penetrate through mine, birthing little butterflies in my stomach and chest. “ - take out ‘through’ so it’s just “eyes penetrate mine” And a quick backstory question, if her mom remarried, would her dad be her stepdad? The subtext you give us about her mom remarrying hints that she eith...

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Zahra Daya
20:48 Feb 19, 2021

Thanks so much for the feedback and critique Claire! Regarding the parents, I actually didn't think about that, but it could also work since a lot of children call their stepdads/moms just dad/mom, and I should've probably thought of the connotations that gave off lol, but I'll keep that in mind for next time. Thanks again!

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Keith B.
01:21 Feb 19, 2021

Very good Zahra; the story is romantic, beautifully written with the dual p.o.v.'s.; it was fun to read :)

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Zahra Daya
04:14 Feb 19, 2021

Thank you so much as always Keith, haven't seen you in a while on here, a nice surprise :)

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Rebecca Cole
16:17 Feb 18, 2021

Love it! You have a great use of vocabulary throughout the story, I particularly liked how you were able to describe your characters in such detail. I adored this line: "My heart is the battlefield, serving as a bystander as the two emotions fight for victory." Overall great story!

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Zahra Daya
04:14 Feb 19, 2021

Aw, thank you so much, Rebecca, your comment made my day! Have a wonderful night/day! :)

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Courtney C
23:19 Feb 16, 2021

I really loved your story! Very cute, very romantic. The whole piece is beautifully described and written. Since there's still time to make edits, I thought I'd suggest some and maybe you could give me feedback on a story I have in the same category? - "at the tight dress, revealing too many curves than I’m comfortable with," could be rephrased --> at the tight dress, revealing more curves than I'm comfortable with," - "I decide it’s worth it—I know I felt something when I first looked into those eyes. I would hate to deceive him if it’s...

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Zahra Daya
16:36 Feb 17, 2021

I appreciate your feedback Courtney, thank you so much! I'll definitely take it into account and check out your story :) -Z

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17:27 Feb 16, 2021

Lovely description -- pure emotion. The tenderness is utterly charming. Nicely done :)

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Zahra Daya
16:34 Feb 17, 2021

aw, thank you so much!

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Oh my, this was such a unique story! With a creative plot and some interesting characters, your approach to this prompt was just excellent! :)

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Zahra Daya
23:36 Feb 15, 2021

Ah, thank you so much!

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Of course! :)

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Palak Shah
18:29 Feb 13, 2021

Aww. This is such as beautiful story and the vivid description is amazing. I really loved it how similar their minds think and this story was beautifully crafted and written. Well done !!! Can you please read my latest story and share some feedback. Thanks a lot ~Your friend Palak :))

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Zahra Daya
03:03 Feb 15, 2021

Thank you!! And I sure will when I get the chance :) - Z

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Nainika Gupta
13:39 Feb 13, 2021

....wow Zahra - the description on this is absolutely *chef's kiss* seriously, i am in awe! I loved that even though it was on the shorter side, you still managed to make it absolutely stunning - the emotions, the imagery, and the two perspectives that were implied but never stated... amazing job! -N

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Zahra Daya
03:04 Feb 15, 2021

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your feedback :)) - Z

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Thom With An H
17:46 Feb 23, 2021

Hey there, I think this is the first time I've read one of your stories and I like your style. I like the dueling narratives and the attention to detail. You paint a picture of two people who are perfect for each other but are unsure the other feels the same. There have been some suggestions for edits and I think all are pretty fair. I would also add that sometimes less is more. We all want to unleash or creative side and our words are our vehicles but don't over pack. Sometimes it has the opposite of the desired effect and confuses th...

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Zahra Daya
01:41 Feb 24, 2021

Thank you for the feedback! Agreed, I do tend to dive deep into the description (which is why I generally think my niche is prose) but I agree that sometimes less is more. Thanks for your time in reading this!

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Unknown User
18:56 Feb 17, 2021

<removed by user>

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Zahra Daya
15:14 Feb 18, 2021

Yeah, it was meant to be teen love. I can understand how that wasn't clear, although my intention was to make it quite vague (hence the no names) so that if someone reading this had a significant other, they'd be able to relate emotionally to this story instead of being pushed away by slight details. I like the suggestion of stronger words, I'll definitely try to incorporate that in a later story. Thanks so much for your feedback! - Z

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