Contest #227 shortlist ⭐️

66 comments

Science Fiction Suspense Speculative

Ice crystals descend from a sunless sky in a transient spell. They hit the destitute ground with a warning, inescapable and silent. Anther watches them, jaw tensed, through a hole in the metal wall used for a window. They tell a story. Winter has arrived.


A welcoming sight to those fortunate enough to live in the Inner City. Resentment twists inside Anther’s gut like a venomous snake, paused and waiting to strike, as he pictures their faces full of delight. Are they watching the dawning of a new season from their balconies, sipping hot drinks, smiles on their lips? All while he braves the Outer Lands and fights for each breath, every meal, even a sip of water.


A foot away Toad sleeps, mouth open, lengthy soot black hair plastered in all directions. One good shove of Anther’s steel toed boot sends the younger boy sprawling from his bed to the dirt floor. “Let’s get an early start,” Anther says, “We’ll regret it if we don’t.”


Toad rolls to a sitting position, a groan escaping his lips, blinking the heavy traces of sleep from eyes tinted teal like the oceans of legend. The colorful hues a sea used to boast before they turned into a diminished green, spoiled and rotting, or dried out entirely. One that existed in The Old World. A time when the water thrived with marine life and wouldn’t boil a man alive who stepped inside it.


“I’ve given it some thought,” Toad says, climbing back into bed. “Let’s give in and die – it’s less work.”


Amusement pulls at Anther’s lips despite his foul mood. “Didn’t peg you for a quitter, Toad. If you’re ready to throw in the towel, I’ll just –,” he moves to the chest at the foot of Toad’s bed.


“Don’t even think about it,” the younger guy warns, “I’d hate for you to lose those fingers of yours.”


Warm vibration shakes Anther’s ribcage as he laughs. To a Scavenger, their treasure is a possession worth more than the blood hissing through their veins. The two had spent several years collecting everything under the unforgiving sun. An eclectic collection from tools for survival to relics of a life before the transmutation of Earth’s atmosphere. 


One thing they hadn’t been able to stockpile – others like themselves; humans with damaged DNA called Scavengers. They had only discovered a handful of others. More were out there, scared and alone, fighting for their lives. The chemical changes inside them allowed a fighting chance at survival when banished to the Outer Lands. A place which paid the price for the past sins of men who dared to play God.


These arrogant men had learned to manipulate the weather with a synthetic gas, phagos, setting off a dismal chain of events that altered Earth’s climate in reprehensible ways. Old World cities were wiped off the map from multiple volcanic eruptions, buried under catastrophic mud slides, devoured by oceans of exposed magma in Earth's cracking crust. Sources of drinkable water became scarce. Edible plants became poisonous. Animals were subject to the same fate as humans – evolution or extinction.


“Layer up, Princess. It’s a bit frosty,” Anther says. “Can’t have you catching cold.”


“It’s only when I’m sick that I get to see a softer side of you,” Toad says, face alight with unyielding playfulness. “So… nurturing – loving. You really are the best mother a son could ask for.”


Anther scowls. They are only four years apart in age. “And you’re the laziest piece of shit son a mother could ask for. Get dressed so we can go.”


Anther lifts the door built into the center of the floor and drops to the underground sanctuary beneath it. “Old man,” Anther says, “We’re heading out before the snow gets too heavy. Any special requests?”


Lofty tears his eyes away from his latest child – a seedling plant – and gives Anther a slow creeping grin. “Only one… give em hell.”


The sanctuary is full of his children, all different sizes. Interesting crossbreeds - some of them proving nontoxic and even edible. A genius botanist, the elderly man had configured a way to cultivate plant life with innovative grow lights powered by wind turbines. Deep in the belly of their underground refuge they had struck gold two-fold for the rest of his success; a meager groundwater reservoir, untainted, and a geothermal pocket providing the perfect temperature for plants to thrive. 


Yara, the newest member of their ragtag family, leaves her hiding place behind the old man and wraps herself around Anther’s leg. Her dark eyes burn into his. “It’s snowing! I wanna play outside, bubba.”


Late last year, the girl’s mother had placed her outside the city walls to avoid breaking the law. At age eight, Yara had already developed the scarlet Scavenger ring around her neck. Proof enough to those who live inside its gates that she’s a genetic freak of nature. One who can’t be saved. This is according to Dr. Gaarp, a brilliant atmospheric engineer. He developed a means to protect the Inner City’s air supply. It’s his law that dictates humans with genetic mutations must be separated from those without. If the small slice of world he had saved were to be contaminated, it welcomed the downfall of humanity.


Anther drops to his knees with an easy smile and grips the girl’s hands in his. “Yara,” he breathes out.


She’s used to the city and has yet to discover the dangers of life outside it. Hope lights her eyes; a slow simmering hatred for the Inner City blisters Anther’s gut because of it. Why do humans use fear and bigotry to divide themselves? A girl like Yara deserves to be safe. She’s human. Instead, she’s out here with him. Another childhood ripped away in the face of bleak reality.


“I’ll take you soon, I promise.” As soon as the words leave his lips, a storm colder than the one outside threatens him.


“You always say that,” she says. Her icy glare pierces his chest. “You never do. Liar. I hate it here!”


“Do you want a present Yara-bara?” Toad rhymes, his head’s upside down through the doorway that leads above. One arm keeps him from falling and the other dangles toward the sanctuary’s floor with a stuffed bear. Anther recognizes it. It's part of Toad’s diverse treasure trove.


Yara abandons Anther entirely in her pursuit of the new toy. “I love it!” She presses its fur to her cheek. “I’m going to name it Berry,” she confides.


“You spoil her too much,” Anther says, after closing the door, topside again. He slides a gas mask over his face. An overabundance of caution. Phagos isn’t a death sentence for the likes of him. Still, it's a lot heavier in the air outside the compound versus inside. A heavy dose for a Scavenger all at once can cause a euphoric sensation. It alters their sense of time and place. Hardly responsible when setting out on a mission to retrieve supplies.


“You’re jealous because she likes me more,” Toad teases. “Those cute little cheeks. I hate it when she cries, you bully.” 


“What would you have me do – take her out here with us? These winter storms are unpredictable and volatile. We barely survived last winter, or don’t you remember?”


Toad, as he often does when confronted with any past or present near-death experience, lets out a laugh, unrestrained and weightless. He doesn’t offer Anther a response. His shoulders are relaxed as he takes the lead. Annoyed, Anther follows him.


“You’re never afraid, are you?” Anther asks, bracing himself against a biting wind.


Thunderous clouds loom above their heads, and in the distance, lightning strikes with violent red streaks. Amidst the chaos, flurries of ash tainted snow fall to the barren terrain. Anther isn’t sure what winters were like in the Old World. Only what he had learned from scavenged books; tales of winter wonderlands dressed in white.


“Why would I be?” Toad asks. “I don’t need to worry, Anther. You do that for everyone. Besides, with you here. I’ll be fine. You’d never let anything happen to any of us.”


Anther swallows Toad’s words. They stick in his chest, unable to be removed. He’s both touched by the younger boy’s faith in him and rattled by the gravity of it.


This is their sixth trip sneaking into the city. The last three expeditions had gone off without a hitch due to an underground passage he’d discovered. It’s when the two of them near the east side of the walls toward it that Anther’s pace slows; a dilemma has unfolded. Against the outer walls he spies her. A woman exiting their means of entrance.


Her face isn’t covered, the skin of her arms bare, an exposed unblemished ivory neck. Even a Scavenger wouldn’t be bold enough to brave the outside this uncovered. Terror blazes inside her eyes. A name escapes her lips with fervor. She repeats it, again and again, stumbling further into the Outer Lands.


“She looks like she needs help. What should we do?” Toad asks. “Her shouting is going to attract the city’s sentinels.”


Anther, torn between gaining supplies and veering off course, hesitates for a moment. She doesn’t carry the markings of mutations like they do. A privileged Inner City inhabitant from the looks of it. A dark inner voice clouds his thoughts. Why stick his neck out for someone who’s never known the curse he wears around it like a collar? Her kind would never do the same.


The darkened thoughts don’t last long before he’s after her. Partly because Toad’s right, if they don’t shut her mouth their plans to enter the city discreetly will fail.

The other part - a human who hasn’t evolved will never make it outside the city walls. The atmosphere will kill them in an hour, two at best, without a fresh supply of oxygen for them to breathe.


“She’s headed toward the river,” Toad says, after they follow her for a short distance. “Hopefully she has the sense to stay out of the water.”


Ahead of them, the terrain turns mountainous, and the woman disappears into its crevices. She’s still shouting for someone, her voice raw. “Let’s turn back,” Toad says, “No one is going to hear her this far out.”


Anther remains silent, only picking up his pace when he hears the woman scream. It’s through a narrow dirt path sandwiched between towering red rocks that he sees what’s happened. She’s calf deep in Oakley River and its blistering her legs.


“Why would you get in the water?” Anther hisses, closing the distance between them. Her face is contorted in pain even as she pushes him away furthering herself into the water. “Are you mad?” he asks.


“Anther,” Toad interrupts, "over there.” He points to a small figure on the other side of the riverbank. A boy, unconscious.


The woman fights violently against Anther’s grip. “Arif,” she cries. “Arif.”


Toad’s already on the move. His layers of clothes – a material with dual purpose, once for the weather, twice for the killer environment. He lifts the boy from the ground and finds Anther’s eyes. The boy’s blistered skin is mild compared to the woman’s. Upon further inspection it’s clear why. He has a single red ring encircling his neck. A scavenger. One who survives.


“How do you want to handle this?” Toad asks.


Anther’s mind races. No way the boy can go to the city. They’ll never let him inside the gates. They’ll have to take him to the sanctuary. As for the woman, does she have thirty minutes left? An hour?


“I’ll take the woman back to the city,” he says, as she continues to fight against him. Her knees buckle from the severity of the blisters, and he catches her. “You take the boy to Lofty. ”


“No, don’t take him from me!” she protests, voice panicked.


Anther studies her tear stained face. “You aren’t a Scavenger. You’ll die out here.”


“Oh,” she says, a crestfallen smile touches her lips. Anther can tell she’s starting to reach her limit. Has it been close to an hour? She quits struggling, resting against him. “I had hoped that part was a lie.”


A question burns Anther alive. “Why risk it?”


She looks at Anther, grey eyes churning like the violent skies above them. Her expression is one of fierce compassion. “He’s my brother. Was I supposed to let him fend for himself? Stupid boy,” she spits. “It’s my job to look after him. Not the other way around. I’ve seen the separation happen to other families,” she says, biting her lip. More tears spill down her cheeks. “He’s the only family I have. I'll hide him. I'll find a way to keep him safe. This wasn't supposed to happen to us.”


An understanding sweeps Anther as he realizes the situation. The boy must have fled for her sake. Harboring a Scavenger is grounds for criminalization. Her eyes flicker closed, and Anther shakes her. She’s unresponsive. He takes a gloved finger and forces her eyelid open. The whites of her eyes have already begun to turn yellow. Even if he sprinted, he wouldn’t make it in time to get her back to fresh air.


“She isn’t going to make it,” Anther says.


He ignores the tightness in his throat and takes his mask off. He slides it over her head. It won’t save her. At best, it will only buy time to get to the sanctuary.


“We are closer to the compound than we are the city. Let’s take them there,” he tells Toad.


The ground is slick with sleet from the sky, turning more dangerous with every step. It takes them longer to reach the dome building of the compound than Anther would have liked. There is a chance for the woman in his arms. A slim one. Of the many things he’s collected over the years, there’s an oxygen tank. To be honest, he only took it because he was fourteen at the time and it looked cool.


Lofty, a quick action kind of man, barks orders after assessing the mess the young men had brought home for him. He lays the two patients on cots as the unconscious boy begins stirring. Scavenger’s recover remarkably fast. The mild blisters on his legs have turned to a light rash.


Lofty removes the mask from the woman, checking for signs of life. The two hour window of survival for her has long passed. Anther digs through his things stashed away in the green house. Anger at himself rakes against his abdomen; he made the wrong call. The tank’s empty.


The boy grabs his sister’s face. He’s calling her name. Anther wants to rip his eyes away from the fear tainting every movement of the child’s body. She’s too far gone. Lost to the delirium of phagos.


Anther envisions the greying storms of her eyes sealed beneath closed lids, calming, then clearing. A human’s life is brief. This much is true for everyone. It doesn’t matter the blood that courses inside them. Shame on him for ever thinking differently. For seeing things from his narrow point of view. That, because of where someone is born, their life’s less difficult than his. Less ephemeral.


Lofty pulls the boy back by the shoulders but he shakes him off. He buries his head in his sister’s raven black hair, sobs racking his body, loud and violent. Solemn dark eyes watch him from the corner. Yara, once naïve to the dangers of the new world she lives in, ignorant no longer.


Somewhere above ground, the wind howls. A coldness overwhelms the outside. It matches the one inside the sanctuary. Anther wants to escape its icy touch, penetrating his chest, numbing his body. He wants to warm himself by a fire. One so all consuming, it burns away all that these ruined lands have to offer.


The sounds of coughing fill the sanctuary. Coughs, sandwiched between gasps of air, one savage choking inhale after the next. Alarmed, Anther looks for the source. The boys sister has rolled onto her side. Alive. Her breathing comes softer, easier, until she doesn’t have any trouble with it at all. Anther, perplexed, watches as she sits up and pulls her brother into her arms.


“I really had no way to test it for sure,” Lofty says, smiling wide. “The timing couldn’t have worked out better.”


“Test what?” Toad asks.


The old man has a crinkle in his eye. “Just what do you think I’ve been doing down here? These latest hybrid plants,” he says, emotion overtaking him. “They photosynthesize by absorbing phagos and releasing oxygen.” 


***


The afternoon has given way to the evening outside the sanctuary. Anthers mind wanders to the gifts they exchange inside the Inner City this time of year. Toad had told Anther what those early years were like. A custom carried over from the Old World. Anther had never experienced a gift exchange for himself. Unlike the others, he was born a child of the Outer Lands.


At least, that’s what he has told himself all these years. Looking back, he realizes he can’t count them all. The amount of gifts he’s received in a world he thought incapable of giving. Parents who had loved him relentlessly while they had the chance, friends who watch his back, the very breath inside his lungs, and now, hope for a brighter future.


Outside, he watches two young children playing in the snow. They’re dressed in protective suits. It isn’t perfect. The snow isn’t white or pretty. Dangers still lurk. Life’s like that. And yet— he thinks only of their lives ahead of them. He hopes to teach them something: How effortless it can be to feel trapped inside life's shadows; and even so, they must not be afraid to search for the light.


December 09, 2023 01:42

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66 comments

Suma Jayachandar
06:54 Dec 14, 2023

Danie, Absolutely breathtaking (pardon the pun) characters, world and plot points. I love sci-fiction, but over the years have become little weary of dystopian- mainly as so many of them fall into ‘us versus them’ pit and kind of wantonly serve up the ‘victimised’ characters stuck in a very cruel and at times depraved conditions. People, life and struggles are never that simple, right? That’s why I lo..ved this nuanced, complex narrative that you have created. In your world, hope, fear and longing for love exist on both sides. They just pi...

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Danie Holland
17:08 Dec 14, 2023

Wow, Suma. Incredibly detailed and insightful feedback. I loved your take on this. Perhaps it’s the INFJ personality type in me but I always try to find the human sides to everyone. You are right, real life is hardly black and white. I very much tried to grab the depth of each character, thinking through their actions from each perspective. It was great fun! Thanks so much for reading. 💜

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Suma Jayachandar
16:28 Dec 15, 2023

Congratulations Danie!! I was rooting for this.

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Story Time
22:48 Dec 13, 2023

I feel guilty asking this, but I'd love to hear more about this story and its origins, because I found it so fascinating. I almost wish I could print it out and highlight parts of it, because I find the reach of this so magnetizing.

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Danie Holland
00:16 Dec 14, 2023

Do you mind elaborating? Like by “reach” do you mean it’s so laughably unbelievable that you can’t even believe I tried or did I misread that through my insecurity? Lmao I actually wanted to go in a wildly different way. I even had some help from a meteorologist friend as far as answering some questions for me. I wanted to create a story based off something where some kind of something was causing earths magnetic fields to go haywire but this couldn’t work for my vision of the story. Upon further research, it would take billions of years f...

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Story Time
00:34 Dec 14, 2023

Oh no instead of reach, I should have said "scope" as in I'm taken in by how much you were able to cover in such a short space.

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Danie Holland
00:37 Dec 14, 2023

Ahh, gotchu. I dunno man. I watch a lot of anime and read a lot of manga. 😂 I’m always trying to feed my imagination. I don’t know where this stuff comes from. I think I just try to write what I would be interested in reading, and go from there. And then hope someone else likes it too. But really I try to entertain myself before anything else. Thanks so much for reading Kevin! I look forward to reading more from you. 💜

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Michał Przywara
21:30 Dec 10, 2023

Big fan of sci-fi and apocalypses, so this was a nice surprise! And it ends on such an upbeat note too. A couple weeks back you said to call you out if you did another angsty story in a row - I think this one breaks the cycle. The story itself is impressive, and the scope keeps snowballing (ha!). First, just a couple Scavengers. Then, a community they are part of. Then, a mission to get supplies. Then a complication and a moral dilemma. Then a new Scavenger in need of help. Then a failed rescue - which actually turns into a successful one....

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Danie Holland
00:26 Dec 11, 2023

You remembered 😅 I feel like this was still a little angsty. You can spray me with a water bottle. I’ll let you. I thought if I fell off the map you’d forget. Somehow, it makes me smile that you didn’t. I went back and adjusted what you had mentioned, if I understood you correctly. I’m not sure if I made it clearer. Sci fi isn’t my strong suit, and I feel like third person perspective isn’t either. 😳 Basically, I wanted to make myself cry this week while writing. In the end, you came back and we got to chat some more. My heart is warm, so al...

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Michał Przywara
23:15 Dec 12, 2023

Yeah, definitely! Chatting with other writers is half the fun here, and I've learned a lot from it. The changes look good to me. Very clear who's speaking. It was clear before too, but now it's moreso. I think this experiment worked out, and I look forward to reading your future experiments. The nice thing about this story-a-week format is, worst case scenario, if the story doesn't work out you've only lost a week. So there's really no reason not to try, if you have an idea :) Till next time!

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Michał Przywara
21:35 Dec 15, 2023

Woo! This experiment *definitely* worked out! Shortlist! Congrats :)

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Danie Holland
22:03 Dec 15, 2023

Mr. Przywara — we both know it was you telling me to get my shit together with my dialogue formatting that probably got me here. Thanks endlessly, I adore you. You really make me wanna dig deep and impress you. See you on the flip side. 🙃

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Judith Jerdé
17:35 Feb 21, 2024

A big congratulations, Danie. definite winner in view. however, being shortlisted would make me darn happy, keep up the good work.

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Danie Holland
11:01 Feb 22, 2024

Wow Judith, you are a sweetheart to come back and read this. Thank you so much. I’m really on here more for the fellowship with other writers than for the whole winning/losing thing. I am proud of my shortlists but prouder still of the friendships I’m carving with other lovers of stories. I look forward to more from you!

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Graham Kinross
07:06 Jan 06, 2024

I like the blurry, realistic morality of this. You haven’t taken the easy route of portraying one side as ‘the bad guys’ and it makes the story stronger to know both sides and their motives. Well done and congratulations on being shortlisted.

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Danie Holland
16:07 Jan 08, 2024

Hey there Graham. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts! I don't know that I believe that there is a such thing as "good guys" or "bad guys." I think we are all equally capable of both good and bad. Things are seldom black and white. I love exploring that in writing. I appreciate your praise. (:

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Graham Kinross
22:02 Jan 08, 2024

You’re welcome Danielle.

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Melisa Masri
03:33 Jan 05, 2024

This is such a beautiful story. Such a great read for anyone who has a rough last couple of years. I love this.

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Danie Holland
17:06 Jan 05, 2024

Thank you Melisa for such kind feedback!

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Ken Cartisano
20:31 Dec 28, 2023

Hiya Danie, Congrats on making the Shortlist. Not much I can add to the cavalcade of compliments. I enjoyed it as well. The characters are familiar without being stereotypes. A common dystopian plot is turned on its head by the humanity of the characters as well as the hope of yet another scientific advancement. I only have two 'scathing' criticisms. One: I kept reading 'Anther' as 'Another'. Very annoying, especially at the beginning of a sentence, where the 'A' is capitalized. Two: Your comment: I’m not too familiar with how the gen...

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Danie Holland
16:38 Dec 29, 2023

Hello my dearest Ken, so great to hear from you! So sorry you had trouble with Anther's name. To be honest, I don't know where it came from. It popped into my head randomly and I thought, "why not?" Did you know that an "anther" is the part of the flower that contains pollen? Most plants need pollen to reproduce or they will go extinct. I suspect Scavengers must be like anthers, their bodies are containers that hold all the necessary biological changes that will allow humanity to keep on surviving and ahem, reproducing, so that they can cont...

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Philip Ebuluofor
18:08 Dec 17, 2023

Congrats. You have this way of appearing here every three weeks. Congrats once more.

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Danie Holland
17:08 Jan 05, 2024

Thank you so much for reading Philip! I do have a way of coming and going. I have some issues with my hands so some weeks are harder to type than others. I appreciate the feedback!

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Philip Ebuluofor
17:51 Jan 09, 2024

Welcome.

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19:48 Dec 16, 2023

Hey Danie. haven't been around for a while just catching up a bit This is fabulous stuff. This world you have created in such a short space is Alive and Breathing. The characters too are fully formed. Very impressive writing. You just get better and better

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Danie Holland
17:09 Jan 05, 2024

Derrick, hi sweet friend. Thank you so much for these lovely words. I am having to take a little bit of time off writing and deal with some health things but I look forward to seeing more from you and catching up just as soon as I am able! Hope all is well <3

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17:28 Jan 05, 2024

Sorry to hear that angel. Hope you are doing ok and I look forward to reading more of your brilliant words whenever they arrive 🥰

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Laurel Hanson
14:58 Dec 16, 2023

Congrats! Well deserved!

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Danie Holland
15:09 Dec 16, 2023

Laurel, thanks so much! And thanks again for reading this week. 💜

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Hannah Lynn
19:26 Dec 15, 2023

Congratulations Danie !!! Exciting 😊😊🎉

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Danie Holland
22:06 Dec 15, 2023

Thanks Hannah!!!!

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AnneMarie Miles
16:53 Dec 15, 2023

Woohoooooo!! 🎉🥳🙌 I am beyond happy for you, Danie! This story deserves all the attention and congratulations!!! Happy Friday!

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Trudy Jas
02:03 Dec 15, 2023

I ended up reading your story aloud to myself and found a wonderful rhythm in your words and sentences. Loved the banter between Anther and Toad. I'm new to Sci FI - never even understood the matrix - never seen any Dr. Who, either - but enjoyed learning about "your world". I hope I don't live long enough to see it 1st hand, though. Thanks for sharing

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Danie Holland
22:07 Dec 15, 2023

Trudy, it’s so funny you say this. I can see where I unintentionally rhymed in several places. I’m a poet first, at heart. I hope I don’t live long enough to see this world either, but if I do. Hopefully I run into this crew. They will take care of me 😊

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Trudy Jas
06:14 Dec 17, 2023

Och, I wish I was a poet. And I dint notice your (unintentional) rhymes. I was captivated, though, by the cadence of your writing, Which I guess, is poetry in itself. Whether it's sci fi or any other genre, keep going. I 'll look forward to reading more by you.

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Aeris Walker
01:07 Dec 15, 2023

This story contains everything one would hope to find in a dystopian story but with qualities that make it span deeper than its genre and into the realm of literary. I loved the dynamic of the assortment of characters who have formed their own kind of family in these harsh times. Great banter and characterization. I really appreciated the thorough world building and the striking details of the volatile climate. It reads like you put in a lot of work to make this world immersive and believable. Fantastic job.

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Danie Holland
22:05 Dec 15, 2023

Aeris, this means so much to me. It makes my heart do a little dance finding out I’ve created characters that a reader can bond with. Thanks so much for reading!! I look forward to seeing more work from you 💜

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Helen A Smith
21:08 Dec 14, 2023

Very unusual story. It reminds me a little of Total Recall, except that takes place on Mars. This is really interesting. I’m going to have to read it again! I really like that you’ve tried something different here. Well done.

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Danie Holland
22:04 Dec 15, 2023

I really did try something out of the box this week! Thanks so much for reading Helen 💜

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Helen A Smith
07:19 Dec 16, 2023

It’s good to try something different. You chose a different genre and it worked out well. That’s brilliant 💜

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Laurel Hanson
22:03 Dec 12, 2023

Well done. Dystopian literature is so tricky. You've done some fine world building here, immersing the reader in the micro situation and then fleshing it out as we go so that the larger macro situation becomes clear without telling too much. Very impressed with the turn you took, opting for the triumph of humanity over its situation (even if it caused the situation). Anther reflects "How effortless it can be to feel trapped inside life's shadows." That's pretty unusual for the genre which is typically so steeped in depression that neither th...

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Danie Holland
17:00 Dec 13, 2023

Laurel, I’m not too familiar with how the genre normally does things. I’ll admit, I haven’t read a lot of sci fi. It sounded like an interesting subject to explore, and a hopeful ending felt right. I really appreciate you reading 💜

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14:06 Dec 12, 2023

Wow. I could sit here and re-read this story and say nothing but 'wow' for hours, but here goes some feedback? 💝 I loved the whole story, but I especially loved the first paragraph, and the last line. The first paragraph is poetic, in a special way, and the last line has a lesson we can all learn. 💖 Absolutely amazing. The idea of Scavengers is so interesting and imaginative! I wonder why why why why, so many questions that begin with why! I haven't read many dystopian stories, but I after reading this one I'm definitely going to look int...

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Danie Holland
17:01 Dec 13, 2023

Awe, I love this. Thank you so much for such an uplifting comment. Happy to have you here on Reedsy. 💜

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Kailani B.
03:39 Dec 12, 2023

This takes me back to the good days of Doctor Who: a self-contained story that hints at a bigger world while having character arcs and a hopeful ending. Good job!

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Danie Holland
15:53 Dec 12, 2023

I have never watched Doctor Who. Please don't hit me. It's been on my list for a long time. But uh, it's only these days that I've started exploring sci fi. I'll have to give it a watch. I love character arcs. <3 Thanks so much for reading!

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E. B. Bullet
21:50 Dec 11, 2023

It's difficult for me to get back into dystopian worlds since high school haha. The era just felt more imaginative back then, and I guess a little less...possible LOL dystopia nowadays feels a little too close to home, so maybe I stay away from it. But I really enjoyed the even, steady pace you created here! World building is hard, but you crafted everything and delivered it in good doses. Easy to digest, easy to follow and invest in. That's a skill!! This story gives me Arcane vibes. Show on Netflix. I highly recommend, maybe it'll inspir...

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Danie Holland
15:49 Dec 12, 2023

E.B. I actually whole heartedly agree with you. Sometimes, I want to escape reality by reading a story not be submersed into more of it. Growing older has also made me feel like "dystopain" stories are really just us prepping ourselves for when society collapses, which. Lets be honest. Feels like it could be any day now. HOWEVER. I wanted to grow. I'm still figuring out my niche. This is my first time writing to the sci fi genre so I hope I did it justice. Thanks so much for reading friend, I've never watched Arcane. I'll have to loo...

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AnneMarie Miles
14:22 Dec 11, 2023

Wow, Danie - this is impressive! It's always so incredible to me to see a writer I've been reading regularly do something completely different than their previous work, and then not only do that, but freaking nail it!! I was swept away by your world-building skills, and there's a perfect balance of show/don't tell here. I think a little tell is paramount when you are building a post-apocalyptic, speculative world, and you managed that expertly. I could really envision the Inner and Outer Cities, the latter being dark and destitute as they wa...

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Danie Holland
12:27 Dec 12, 2023

AnneMarie, this is such an uplifting comment. Thank you! I struggled with the confidence to even post this one. I figured there would be at least one sci fi person on here to poke holes in all of my imaginary theories. I wanted it to feel realistic 😭 so I scrambled to research a bunch of things and it cut into my writing time and then at the 11th hour I was like. I’m just not going to submit. But my friend/coworker was like no you have to finish it. 😂😂 so I did. All of this to say, if I can do it you can totally do it as well. It was fun t...

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AnneMarie Miles
15:27 Dec 12, 2023

Isn't it satisfying when you work super hard on a piece and you think it's trash and then readers/friends/family tell you it's not? 😩 That was my story this week.... Writing it felt like pulling individual hairs off my skull but feedback has been telling me it was worth it. *Sigh of relief* As for the healing writing - same! I feel you, girl. I got in a tangle of turning all my poems into prose and truly felt like I was making my readers cringe. Writing will always be a healing space for me but sometimes it's fun to dabble in something els...

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AnneMarie Miles
03:05 Dec 14, 2023

Hi - me again! Just thinking about how awesome this story is and crossing my fingers for you that it makes it into the winners circle this week 🤞💫 🤞💫🤞💫 it really deserves to be there.

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Danie Holland
17:02 Dec 14, 2023

AnneMarie, I’m so happy to have you in my corner. You really do motivate me to continue writing and putting my heart into it. I can’t thank you enough, friend. 😭

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AnneMarie Miles
18:08 Dec 14, 2023

Same to you, friend! 💞💞💞

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