The 'Super' Power

Why is it that they call it a superpower? Is it made to make us feel like if we had one its a quality and if so, it’s this powerful and wonderful thing that can define us as human beings? All depending on how we use them of course. 

Every superhero film and comic book strip heavily dictates that the power you possess, whatever it may be is a ‘gift’, and that using it to fight against evil and believe in all things good will most definitely get you the girl or boy, that good always defeats evil no matter the odds and that using this power for all those things will empower you as a person - what a fucking lie that is. 

Some superpowers are physical; there’s flight, invisibility, teleportation, super speed, super strength and there’s that word super again. You know the useful stuff…But not mine. oh no. 

I can honestly say that my powers do not empower me, they certainly do not make all the evil things go away and they make me feel far from super. 

I lift my head up from the stream of light seeping through my bedroom blinds and sit up in bed. My head is pounding as it always does, it is what people like me would call an occupational hazard. I rub my eyes against the tension building inside my head and squint at the sight of a new day. I reach into my bedside and grab the closest thing I have to a companion, I pop open two painkillers and close my eyes as I grab the half glass of water leftover from the night before, I swallow them down and feel the lukewarm liquid travel down my dry throat. 

In that moment the door knocks, before I have the chance to scrape myself up off my bed to answer it, I hear the door swing open and a familiar voice fills my apartment. 

“Anna! Hello? Anna…you better be here especially considering you are avoiding my calls”, I reluctantly get up and make my way through to the hallway where my best friend Jenny, is standing there with the same outfit she was wearing the night before and the same confused look she always gets when I do this.

“Where did you go? I was looking for you everywhere all night last night, I haven’t even gone home yet! You’ve got to stop picking up and leaving every single time we go out together”, Jenny stands there sternly with her arms crossed now, heavily waiting for an answer that I can never give her. 

When the heavy silence starts to linger inside the apartment she tuts to herself while making her way to my kitchenette to make herself what looks like, a well-needed cup of coffee. Jenny has been my best friend for years and I know she doesn’t deserve this, I’d like to say that this is the first time I’ve put her through something like this, but that would be a lie. I stare at her while she reaches for a mug from the high cabinet, she has her back to me and I wince because well I always do, as hard as it is to hide it sometimes I can’t help it. A lot is said in silence with me and that’s why I find it harder to connect even with Jenny, or people in general for that matter and when it gets too much to bear I have to pick up and leave, especially in crowded places.

“I'm sorry Jen, I just wasn't feeling it last night, I know you were just trying to get me to have some fun but my head just wasn't into it”, I wait for a reaction and again that other voice inside my head fills my thoughts which makes me nervously anticipate when she does actually say something.

She turns to face back towards me and the kettle starts whirling, but the only thing that looks like it’s about to boil is Jenny.“I just wish you would just let me in Anna, we’ve been friends for years and I feel like I just don't know you anymore, we used to have fun and spend so much time together and now I just feel like you can’t wait to avoid me and everyone else for that matter. Denise was so nice and you were so curt with her for no reason whatsoever last night and I just don't understand why you act like this”.

I turn away and pretend to look outside my window. I can feel Jenny’s gaze so harshly that I’m thankful she doesn't have laser vision or something. With the amount I put her through with zero explanation I’d probably get hurt on a regular basis and to be honest, I wouldn't blame her. I know more than anyone that we can’t always control the powers we possess.

Yeah, that’s right you turn away like you always do. You’re so selfish and self-centred. Why the fuck do you hate people so much.

It’s now me who can’t bare to look at Jenny, those words that she didn’t say out loud pierce straight through to my core. What she doesn't know is that Denise isn’t nice at all, everything that came out of her mouth last night was a lie, and she definitely had a lot to say for someone who barely knew us. She was actually trying to get involved with Tom, who also happens to be Jenny’s boyfriend and let's just say last night when we were all together the two conversations we were having were driving me insane and I just had to get out of there. 

That’s the thing with being able to read people’s minds. You can’t distract yourself away from what they are truly feeling and thinking behind what they want you to see. People are never truly who they say they are and that’s why I find it difficult to make connections let alone keep them. It’s like having two separate conversations with the same person at once, only one contradicts the other and reveals the darkest part of them and no matter how much you try to cancel out the bad it inevitably doesn't make it go away no matter how much you want to get to know them. There’s a reason why we don't think out loud and unfortunately for me, I have to hear it. 

I notice that I’ve been silent for too long. “ Listen, I really am sorry Jen, it wasn’t fair of me to say all those things to Denise and I didn’t mean to leave without saying a word”, I walk towards her and place my hand on her shoulder, I give her an apologetic smile because I know deep down she forgives me like she always does. I honestly do not deserve her. She finishes up making her coffee and we both sit on the sofa, she puts the television on but I know in my mind that she has no intention to watch it. 

“ Well despite how the night kind of panned out I actually had a really good time,” Jen says, swirling her coffee mug, it’s still piping hot and the aroma fills the room. 

“Oh really? Did much happen after I left?” I'm not really that interested but if it means the tension goes away.

“Um no not really, Denise bought Tom and I a few more drinks, we spoke about work, had a bit of a dance and called it a night really. I wasn’t entirely in the mood anymore after you left, and when you weren’t answering my calls I just had to leave so I explained to Tom and went to find you”. She slumps slightly in the sofa and escapes into deep thought, little does she know that I'm going right there with her. Denise works with Tom and Jenny thought it would be nice if we all went out, of course, I was reluctant but as much as I know I’m not normal I do try to be. I try to cancel out the inaudible chatter going on within people’s heads and as you can imagine in a nightclub on top of the loud music, hearing an abundance of peoples’ inner thoughts out loud while also trying to focus on your own night is incredibly difficult and it leaves you with a piercing headache. 

“You really shouldn’t have left, I was fine really, I just needed to get away from the heavy crowds and have a bit of time to myself”, I reassure her with these words but the truth is I am never truly by myself, I didn't even go home straight away. There’s a pier just on the outskirts of town and it is my favourite place in the world, its the place where I can truly think and as I look out on the open water I finally feel at peace. Not many people are around and the people who are, are on boats sailing away. 

Before Jenny can say another word the door knocks again, I turn to her acting puzzled like I don't know who it is, but the truth is I can hear his thoughts from the sofa.

“It’s Tom” Jenny explains, “ I hope you don’t mind but I asked him over, I had to let him know I was here and we are gonna grab some breakfast, you are welcome to come if you like?” A small smile emerges on my face and I know that all is forgiven, even though deep down I know it probably won’t be the last time before I do something like this again. She springs from the sofa and greets him at the door, I hear their muffled voices speaking out to one another in the hallway and in moments his footsteps closely behind hers as they both walk back to the living room.

Well, well, if it isn't that sad little introvert that my girlfriend calls her friend.

I wince.

“Hey Anna, I’m sorry you had to leave so suddenly last night, you missed a good one”, he smiles at me coyly and then looks down at Jenny, they both have their arms around each other and he leans down and pecks her gently on the cheek. 

Yeah yeah yeah, I think to myself but instead, I say “Jenny said that you both had a good time, I’m just sorry if I brought down the mood, I wasn’t in the best of sorts last night and I shouldn’t have said those things to Denise, I hope she wasn't too upset”.

Upset? You told her that she was a stuck up cow and that she needed to watch her back for fuck sake.

“No not at all, she was a little taken back by your words at first, but once we had a few more drinks and the night took its course she seemed more at ease with the whole thing”. 

I try to ignore his cutting words and bury them deep inside me, I try to focus on what he’s saying rather than what he actually thinks, you’d think that it would get easier but it really doesn’t. I think it’s safe to say that Tom isn’t really my biggest fan, and unfortunately, as much as his thoughts hurt it isn't necessarily his fault but he loves Jenny and that’s something I’m certain about. After a deep breath, I attempt to come to a compromise. “How about I treat us all to breakfast, it’s the least I can do for the drama I caused last night?” 

“You don’t have to do that” Jenny says, although Tom’s thoughts contradict that remark by a long shot but again I push it away and try and focus on Jen. 

“I know it doesn't exactly make up for leaving you looking for me last night Jen, but it’s a start okay?” she smiles at me again reassuringly. “It’s honestly okay, it’s Tom you should apologise to because I went out looking for you, the poor sod ended up being left alone at a nightclub with his boss”, she says jokingly and nudges Tom and we all share a laugh, that is until…

Yeah, and after we both left, I had the best fuck I’ve had in ages.

Jenny is still laughing but I’m not, a wave of darkness comes over me so fast that I feel cold. Every inch of my body is trembling and I subconsciously clench my fists to what I just heard. 

I all of a sudden feel sick to my stomach and find it harder and harder to disguise it. The room feels like it’s spinning a hundred times a minute all around me all the while, Jenny my best friend, is blissfully unaware that the love of her life is cheating on her. 

“Anna, you don’t mind if I borrow something of yours before we go? Freshen up a little? I think I’m too overdressed for breakfast”, I nod over to Jenny without taking my eyes off of Tom and within what feels like an eternity she leaves towards my bedroom. The door slam leaves the living room feel eerie and Tom awkwardly takes a seat next to me on the sofa and turns his attention to the TV.

I think hard at the best way to play this, the guy sat before me on the sofa pretending like he hasn't been a sleaze bag the night before is quite happy to go on like nothing has happened, and what should I do let it go? I guess this is what it means in those superhero movies when they say that with great power comes great responsibility because right now I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and what’s worse is I’m not even the real victim here, Jenny is. She's the real hero in all of this.

We sit in silence, well somewhat, I have his mind-numbingly mediocre thoughts streaming going through my head based on what he’s watching on the TV and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with anger. I find myself just staring at him full of hatred, not being able to shake the fact he’s been disloyal.

“It’s a good thing looks don’t kill Anna because you are really giving me the death stare right now”, he says in a hushed tone, still focused on the tv. I let the statement linger a little before I open my mouth.

“Yeah lucky for you, I don't have that power”, of course, he doesn’t understand the irony of that. He rolls his eyes at me. “Either you tell her, or I will”. 

He stops still. His thoughts whirling around frantically in his head, trying to figure out how he is going to play me with his response.

“Anna, I don’t know what you are trying to -”

“Don’t give me that shit, you know full well what I mean and I’m telling you now if you don’t tell her where you spent your night last night, I will”, I say this through gritted teeth as he starts to fidget uncomfortably in his seat. I can’t help but enjoy how his thoughts are hectically circling trying to figure out how I know, and you know what he never will, all he has to know is that I’m on to him. 

You won’t do anything you bitch.

Ahh, you know what? Fuck it.

“You really think I won’t do anything, try me! It doesn’t make a difference to me whether Jen is with you or not and it turns out she deserves so much better so either you come clean and tell her the truth or I will make your life a living hell”.

He stares are me in horror, his thoughts are inaudible now, he’s confused as to how I know what to say without him saying anything and its the first time in my life I have ever seen this reaction on a person and I got to admit I actually enjoy it. 

His mouth is still open and I get up and make for my bedroom to check on Jen, I reach close to the doorway but before I do the little villain inside me can’t resist. I turn around back to face him.

“Oh, and by the way, the only bitch in this is Denise”. I savour the astounding look of confusement painted all over his face as it turns white and I can’t help but give him a menacing smile. I turn away and open my bedroom door to Jen in my mirror humming to herself, while wiping the events of last night off her face.