The Three Witches of Cloverwood

"Oh, Martha, do shut up."

In the graveyard of the beautiful Cloverwood town, there sat three very ugly hags. They were, in fact, so ugly, that people's eyes burned after seeing them. The three hags provided a contrast with the majestic pines of Cloverwood forest with their own extremely ugly selves. 

But the three hags didn't care about their ugliness and their effect on other people. They didn't care about anything, actually, except one day in particular.

"Well, Elena, you always tell me to shut up and I feel like not shutting up today. I tell you, we have found the one! We have to rid ourselves of her or-"

"My dear Martha. What nonsense you speak, I told you not to listen to that horrible woman."

"But I don't speak nonsense for no reason! And that horrible woman is exactly why we are what we are."

"Exactly, my Martha."

The three hags were sitting up on a tree, with Martha, (the wary one), on the very top. Martha looked like a tired and unhappy bird, her hair like a nest and her dress looking completely unlike a dress. 

A few branches down sat Elena, the mother of the group, who looked very much like a poofed up ugly princess. And, at the very bottom of the tree, sat Henrietta; the quiet one.

Henrietta spoke only when spoken to, or unless someone was being particularly annoying. Right now, she spoke:

"Elena, do let the woman speak. Martha, my dear, tell me what the lady told you."

"Very well, Henrietta. Here is what sweet Rosy has told me- in the town of Cloverwood, the third house, there lives a girl. This girl is unlike any girl, and we don't believe she is a girl at all. She's growing suspicious and I'm afraid, my friends..." Here Martha stopped. She loved to be dramatic. "My friends...she knows."

Silence follows.

And, right on cue, Elena started laughing. She laughed so much, in fact, she was in danger of tipping and falling down the tree.

"Oh! Martha! (wheeze, wheeze) You...you! Oh my dear, dear woman! A girl? Know? What hogwash!"

"But I tell you! I have flown to her house, I have seen the girl. She's ugly as a book, and snotty as a booger. I tell you, Elena, she is the one, I tell you!"

Elena snorted, and her lips started to form words- when Henrietta held up a hand. The hand acted like a bomb on a timer; if you touch it, it would go ballistic. The ladies froze in their positions.

"Martha. Who is this girl?"

Martha gulped.

"This girl is a monster. She wakes at 9," (Martha hissed) "And bathes every day. She eats an apple every day, and she wears different shirts every day. She exercises, goes to school, rides her bike, and listens to her parents. Her name is horrible, and I wished she had no name. The child is called Emma."

Martha pauses.

"Well, you just described a child to me. Henrietta, Martha just described a normal nasty brat to me. I don't find this in the least disturbing or troublesome."

Henrietta held up her hand again. Martha went on:

"But she does not scare. She does not scream when she sees a bug, she does not flinch when she touches a web, and she does not forget. She is a danger to us."

"Well. Martha, Elena, if Rosy has said this to us, we must listen. We must listen and take heed," said Henrietta. "Martha, Elena; this girl Emma knows that we are witches. And today, this very night, we must scare her."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I do wish you would stop squishing my toes, Martha."

"Only if you would stop jabbing me with your elbow, my dear."

The three witches of Cloverwood were, (in a very dull mood), squatting in a bush near Emma's house. They had their selves armed to the armpits with stuff to throw on Emma, stuff to put down Emma's shirt, stuff to startle and trip Emma, and stuff to quite certainly scare Emma to death, the witches thought to themselves.

They listened into the Blackwood's conversations-

"Emma, dear, wait a minute! I need to take a photo of your wonderful costume..."

Emma seemed to be a girl of about ten years of age, with frizzy brown hair and hazel eyes.

The witches hissed and barred their eyes.

"I can't wait, mum, let me goooo!" And then the conversation dissolved into Emma's excited ramblings.

She zoomed around in her kitchen, and, when she came into the light, appeared to be wearing a witch costume. How ironic.

"Go on, then, catch up with your friends. Come back by seven, darling!"

Emma stepped out of the door. She breathed in and smiled a big, toothy smile and ran to her friends.

It was time for the witches to act. They put on horrible, scary masks and caught Emma in midstride-

"Oh!", Emma proclaimed, "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there." Emma looked up and down the witches and giggled. "You have a terribly good costume! Where'd you get it?"

The witches didn't know what to do. Is this how this was supposed to go? They hissed and squeezed their dirty hands into fists and clawed at the air.

Emma laughed. She giggled and laughed, and finally looked them straight in the eye.

"That isn't how witches act! They fly around in broomsticks and cackle! They don't act like monsters!"

She then proclaimed the three witches her new friends.

The witches stepped back and visibly fumed. What is this stupid girl? What is wrong with her?

"You are so funny! Will you come with my friends to collect candy? Please, please, please! My friends won't mind."

The witches might as well have been falling down a ravine. Going with the stupid girl's other stupid horrible friends was never the plan! What horrible things would these girls do? Sing and have fun? Tchaw! But the witched knew the job had to be done, however unsanitary it may be for them. So they said in their best friendly tone-

"Of course, girl! We'll come with you!"

And off they went.

They went, tolerating the excited little girl's gibberish and tottered along with her.

Elena hissed to Henrietta-

"What are we to do now?"

"Don't worry, my dear Elena. We're witches! We'll figure something out, I'm sure."

But Henrietta was sweating. (Which is totally disgusting. The whole area smelled like farts.)

When they finally caught up with Emma's friends, the witches were horrified by the little girl's energy and really wanted to go back to their tree. But no, all the little kids of Cloverwood town had decided that the three witches were awfully funny, and had gathered around her offering candy.

"No, no, no silly humans! Get away from me! What is that? A sugar bar? No, witches are always on a diet! No, witches do not eat human things, get away from me! Oh, in the name of bitter promises, don't tell me you are giving me a hug! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-"

But the little kids persisted. They hugged the three witches for their amazing costume and role-play, they tried to climb on them and even tried to take off their masks. (the stupid minions thought our faces were masks! What stupidity! Well, I swear-)

Now the witches were getting a teeny bit frustrated. They did not like how this was going. They took out their wands (ooooohhh!)

and pointed it at Emma's particularly nasty friend and said-

"Cherry plum, sugar hon, turn this girl into a stupid bun!"

And the poor girl was a bun now.

The witches cackled and roared with laughter, while the children stared at them.

Henrietta said- "Our work here is done!", and started to leave.

But then all of the kids laughed at the top of their lungs and said they wanted more magic tricks. But before they gave back their poor friend, of course.

The witches now couldn't take any more. The nasty humans were getting to their nerves. They boiled their blood and shook their brains.

"Tremble! Tremble! Never come back, for you are worthless, a piece of ham!"

But nothing happened. The witches stared at their wands and stared at each other, but no human kids were disappearing. They were still there!

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!", screamed the witches and popped out of existence.

The children were in hysterics and laughed merrily. Gilly appeared out of nowhere. They were not actually stupid, in reality. They knew about the witches and they had a plan all along.

"Well, we have rid ourselves of The Three Witches of Cloverwood! Hey, Sophie, you have more Snickers than I do-"

And they went back to their merry business.