Will Today be Different?

Jessica held tightly onto the overhead leather rung as the transit car jostled her about. She tried her best not to bump into the several people packed around her as the car jerked about the tracks. Despite her best efforts to keep her feet firmly planted against the sudden wrenches of the car she ended up bumping into some guy reading the morning newspaper. She didn’t apologize. This was commuter traffic. Everyone knew the rules and expected to be tossed about on their way to work, home or wherever they were going. Bumping into one another was the norm.

The car came to a sudden stop sending everyone lurching forward. She managed to stand her her ground even though a few people banged into her from behind.  The floodgates hissed open. The commuters inside poured out as those waiting on the platform struggled against the on rush to get in. For several moments Jessica watched as the outgoing human tide clashed against the incoming tide. 

Once inside people pushed and nudged one another as they jockeyed for either a seat or a place to stand. Once settled in with everyone assuming their hard gained positions in the car the car lurched forward tossing everyone against one another. 

For the last five years this was Jessica’s commute from her apartment to work and from work to her apartment.  She could count on one hand how many times she had spoken to someone on her commutes to work or home, and that was to apologize for bumping into them.   Why is that Jess? Not once did someone seem appealing or friendly? What harm could of come from saying something to somebody? 

The car jerked to a stop-- her stop. She jockeyed her way through the oncoming wave of people flooding into the car and with one last lunge made it to the platform. The car doors slid shut with a definite groan and within moments she found herself the only one standing on the platform. Unseen footsteps echoed upon the ceramic tiles throughout the platform from unseen passengers taking the  stairway leading to the street above. 

Alone.

Jessica sighed. For some reason today seemed different than the countless others before. Today, as she looked about the vacant platform, she realized she stood on an island surrounded by loneliness about to embark on another journey into loneliness into a world of million strangers. Above her, right now, walked those millions  each with their own story. And here you are Jess. A train sped by not stopping sending a rush of warm air against her and flinging about discarded hot dog wrappers, papers and miscellaneous debris leaving her with several disheveled strands of bourbon colored hair hanging about her face.  Damn it. I spent an hour on this hairdo. She went to pull out her compact’s mirror from her purse but stopped. “No. It is what is and I don’t care.” 

She took a few defiant steps toward the stair leading to street level then slowed her pace. It was true. No one up there really knew her. Neither did  her co-workers and for that matter, her mother. She grabbed the handrail of the stairway as she took the steps. What does anyone know about anyone anyhow? Remember Stephen? What a pill. Three months you dated him and he ended up being married. And Thomas? Another six months before you discovered he was shacking up with someone else. 

The sunlight of a bright August morning shined upon her as she neared the sidewalk. A few people rushed passed her trying to make a train. From somewhere came the blare of a car’s horn. The ambient noise of pedestrians, trucks, buses and cars erupted into her ears as she stepped onto the sidewalk. She looked at the clock hanging above the entrance of Addison’s drugstore.  8:25 A.M..  She had five minutes to make it to work.

Work!

That in itself is a masquerade. She held  a Masters in Fine Art, creative writing and here she was working as a  manager for a mortgage servicing firm yet, she stopped at the intersection waiting for light to change red, not one of her co-workers know I hold a Masters let alone know I like the old time movies or have a cat named Smith.  Why is it people, no you Jessica, only reveal a part of oneself at work? Think about it. You know Max just got dumped by his girl friend. Sandy secretly likes women.  Jamison, your boss, got the job because his dad knows the President of the firm. You could go on and on about the back stories of people you work with but why?.  And you Jess?

 Not one person really knows you. Oh sure they may know bits and pieces but those pieces you give away you do so on purpose to appease their curiosity. You hand them mere morsels of your personality but never the entire loaf so to speak. Why?

The light changed red. She began to walk across the street along with a drove of others. Look at him, she thought as she singled out an older man dressed in a wrinkled gray suit, white shirt and black tie as he walked past her. Probably married with two kids and a wife. Does she work? The sullen look on his face tells me she just lost her job or maybe she wants a divorce. He walked by avoiding her eyes while keeping his to the street. Poor guy. You see Jess. You just don’t know.

She made a right at Jenkins Street and stopped at the coffee shop, Bean Haven. Through their window she could see Jamison in line. Shit. If I go in and he sees me he’ll start talking to me about his weekend golf game. I so wanted a latte too. She stood there looking through the window as Jamison moved up in the line. He was next to be served. I could go in and avoid him. There were five people behind him. I could hide behind one of them. As if  Jamison could hear Jessica’s thoughts he made a sudden turn, but she was quicker and darted on.

With hurried steps she entered her office building and was glad to see the elevator empty as she stepped into it. 

The theme of “Summer Place” played in the elevator as it went up to floor ten. The doors slid open. She stepped out and entered the hallway. To her left were the glass doors of the company’s name  painted on them. ‘Secure Mortgage Servicing Inc.’ 

She took a deep breath. Another day of another week of another month. Jess. Maybe today will be different. Maybe today, somehow you won’t be so…..