The Troubles of Being an Overly Dramatic Preteen

*THIS STORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF A DIY CORDECTOMY*

Don't read if you have a fear of me sneaking into your house

in the middle of the night to steal your vocal chords (;

I am so fucking pissed of. My one skill, and she is already as good at it, if not better? No, pissed of doesn't even begin to cover my emotions. I am annoyed with the universe. And her. Sofia. She makes me look like an asshole, probably because I am an asshole, but whatever.

it wasn't always like this. She was and still is my best friend, mainly because she is one of the sweetest things to ever walk the earth. It's just that I am really, really, good at suppressing my emotions, like any good suicidal slut. She has just been making me feel bad about succeeding and generally being better than me recently, which really pisses me of, since no one is better than me. I'm the best. And no, I don't actually believe what I just said, it is called telling yourself lies until you believe it. Look it up. I'm guessing you want to hear the whole story, right? I mean, you are reading this, so I only have to assume.

It started as it always seemingly does. At a small choice school located near Seattle, aptly named Medieval, school of warfare and bloodshed. Not really, but that name would have been more accurate. Instead, it was based around performing and visual arts, very fancy, I know. Now, just to make this clear, there are no popular kids, but if there were, I would be the queen bee.

So, my first objective when I got there was to make friends. Grades? What the fuck are those? Sound like something unimportant. I hope. So good news and bad news. I will give you the good news first, since it doesn't make sense to tell the bad news first. Good news, there is this girl, very sweet (seemingly), named Lou, who likes hanging out with me, and I met her before the school year started. So, boom, there is my basis for beginning my reign over the middle school. Bad news, she is in love with me. I mean really, can you blame her? But don't tell past me, that bitch doesn't know yet. So start of sixth grade. I am immediately nicknamed 'Barbie' (that is not my actual name, just going to make that very clear. Never again.) because of my flawless, stunning, jaw dropping gorgeousness. And also because I decided to act like Regina George on the first day of school, because why the hell not. Sixth grade goes quick, only a few notable things happen, such as the guy who judo flipped me over his head in fifth grade calls me only good for sex. You know, the usual. I mean, I kind of unfriended Lou when she started acting really bitchy since she was no longer in love with me? Oh, I should probably say, Lou, is not the girl I am pissed of at. I have worse exes, trust me. So, let's because skip to seventh grade.

My best friend at the time Olivia, decides to go to a different school for reasons she 'cannot disclose for risk of her parents not letting us be friends'. So now I need a new friend. You know what I think? Let's go back to being friends with Lou. Oh yeah, and let's incorporate Sofia into our friendship dynamic. Oh yeah, Sofia is *Definitely not straight just like literally everyone else at our school*, so remember that fact, it will probably come back later. You know what? Let's start a band! Oh no, the band went poorly, who could have guessed? Sofia has completely different music taste then me and Lou, who have the same music taste, and like any normal person, does not want to be let out of friend group activities. No, we will not be making any classical tracks, Sofia. And, because there isn't enough strain, she has the nerve to fall in love with Lou. So, I do the best thing that comes to my mind.

I kiss Lou in the woods behind Lou's house in furry masks in exchange for Sofia telling us a secret. And that is the story of how I got my first kiss. Bye!

Imagine of that was how this ended. Seems overdramatic and would definitely leave people wanting more. Very in character of me. Don't worry, I am not that mean. I'll continue. The next day, I proceed to break up with Lou the next day, mainly because I have a sneaking suspicion I am not gay. Well, I thought so at the time. Now that I have a boyfriend, I think I might just not be ready to be in a relationship. Oh well. Then Sofia and Lou almost date, but I step in, since Lou is kind of hot, and I need a backup plan if I turn out to be gay. And also Sofia deserves better, which I only realize now. Lou then becomes emo since me, the prettiest princess in all the lands, just broke her heart. In turn, me and Sofia realize Lou is kind of mean, grab each other's hands, and skip of into the sunset.

Where we inevitably find a friend group and then she immediately *ACCIDENTLY NOT ON PURPOSE BECAUSE SHE IS ACTUALLY ANNOYINGLY SWEET* makes me feel kind of bad, since some opportunities present themselves to me and not her, and I pull some good Pokémon cards. Don't judge, yes, I play Pokémon, I am in middle school.

Back to her being unreasonably good at singing, maybe I should steal her vocal cords. That would fix the problem. Well, I will make sure to tell you how a DIY cordectomy goes. I mean, doing that will make me feel better, and I do need to learn how to stand up for myself, right? Plus, she really doesn't need the ability to talk and sing and be better than me THAT MUCH, right? And must I repeat, this counts as standing up for myself, making it a good thing to do, as anyone who has ever manipulated anyone would tell you that I am indeed easy to manipulate? Bonus, I am still only twelve years of age, so I will get to leave juvenile early, as my 'brain' isn't fully developed. Bold of them to assume I have a brain. Well, wish me luck in not accidently killing my friend! I am off on my merry way to go ruin someone's life after all, and I need to make sure I don't ruin mine in the process.