Unwelcoming Hands

I should’ve bombed this place when I had the chance. The intrusive thoughts kept me awake at night as I shrunk myself into the mattress. My blanket provided some form of comfort as I made sure the pillows would drown out my vision. 

I was livid. No, even more than livid. Felonious. The banging on the upstairs floor kept repeating itself. I wanted to scream at whatever was causing it, but I had a complete lack of self-control so I kept to myself. I knew confronting it would only make the situation worse. I knew my father was in one of his moods, so even if I were to attempt to make him stop, I would only succeed in turning his anger toward me.

I awakened the following day as if nothing had happened the night before. My father and mother were in the dining room and my little sister sat across from me. My mother had her usual stone-cold face of blankness and sorrow as my father furrowed his brows. I sat in my seat waiting for the timer of the bomb to go off and while another morning of screaming. 

My mother placed the breakfast in front of us as my father collapsed onto the chair. He continued to shove the eggs in his mouth in a wretched manner. Mother chewed quietly, but father’s loud smacking made up for her politeness tenfold. 

Mother cleared her throat. “What do you have planned this week, Adeline?” my mother asked. 

“Dance practice,” Adeline mumbled. 

“What was that?” my mother questioned as she leaned in. 

“I said dance practice-”

Father slammed the table. “Don’t speak to your mother that way!” 

My sister’s bottom lip quivered as her eyes became glassy. “I-I’m sorry, I-”

My father snatched the breakfast away from my sister as she began stuttering. “How about you go to your room? Your attitude sucks right now!” 

Without protest, she jumped from her seat and fled up the stairs. 

“For heaven’s sake, John. She’s only fifteen!”

“Does it look like I care, Mary?!”

Mother looked down to watch her stale food. Father could probably feel me glaring at him because he swiftly turned his head over to me. “You have anything to say to me, child?” 

“No, sir,” I replied, weakly. 

Maybe this was how my life was supposed to go. An endless, repeating cycle of the same nonsense I go through every day with my father. 

“Good.”

-

“Why do you let him do that to me?” Adeline cried as she laced her ballet shoes. 

I turned to her. We sat in a random ballet room. Her practice room was a couple of doors down, but we’d decided it was best to have some alone time. “What do you mean?” 

“Father. Why do you let him do that to us?” she sniffed. 

I sighed and forced myself to look away. “I don’t, it’s just, I don’t know what to do.” 

She sniffled some more until she finished lacing her shoes. “He hasn’t even come to one show yet,” she mumbled. “It’s like he doesn’t care.”

“Of course he does!” I faced her as I raised my voice. “He’s just busy with work and you know that!” 

“Oh please, he has time for your stupid baseball games, though,” she commented. 

“That doesn’t-! Ugh!” I threw my arms up in an exasperated manner. “He literally bought you those ballet shoes! Do you even know how much those cost?” 

She glanced at her shoes as I spore. Her ballet shoes were a deep, wine red. The other girls had plain pink shoes while hers often stand out. “I didn’t ask for these,” she mumbled. 

“I don’t care, he bought them for you, so that at least shows that he cares,” I crossed my arms. “Besides, those are some pretty cool shoes.” 

She gave a small smile before standing up. “I gotta go. You’ll be back, right?” 

I nodded. She waved as I left the dance room. 

-

Adeline’s shoes lit up the pathway as we skidded along the sidewalk. “I still don’t understand why Maddie was chosen for lead. She practically tripped during her auditions!” 

I shrugged. “Maybe you messed up somewhere along the way?” 

She scoffed. “There’s no way! Mine was literally perfect!” She held her arms up as she steadied herself along the stone ledge. “Maybe they gave her the role out of pity. She does have some sort of disability.” 

“Isn’t she the one who can’t hear out of one ear?” I asked as dug my hands into my pockets. 

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

“I doubt they gave her the role for pity if it’s just one ear then.”

She scowled. “Whatever.” She stopped in her place as our house was approaching. She stared blankly at the solemn building. I looked to the side only to see her shoes in my vision. There were a few mud stains here and there but other than that, they appeared to be as perfect as they always were. “Do we have to go in there?”

I looked back at the house. “That’s where we live, duh.” 

Her lip quivered again. “I don’t see the use of doing so, what if we just run away?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Run away, y’know. Just get out of here.”

“And go where?” 

She shrugged. “Anywhere but here!” 

I rolled my eyes. “You’re so immature.” I grabbed her wrist and pulled her reluctantly along. As I made my way home, I thought about what my sister had told me. “You know, you’ll lose everything in the process, right?”

She shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind.”

I turned around to face her. “Pardon?” 

“I wouldn’t mind. If getting away from him meant the sacrifice of losing everything I had here, then what is there to truly lose in the first place?”

I cleared my throat. “I don’t follow.” 

“I have hope for escaping, right?” she held out her hands as she explained. “Losing a hypothetical being is somewhat the same as losing hope.”

“What does hope have to do with anything, Addy?” I inquired as I stopped in my tracks. I didn’t expect my sister to be the philosophical type. 

“Hope is the reason why we’re alive,” she finally said, eyeing me. “If I continue to live here with our excuse of a father, then I will lose everything, especially the one thing that is keeping me alive.” 

I could only stare solemnly as she continued. “It is only fair I give something in return, and that ‘gift’ is for me to play this role I have.” 

After staring at her for a few moments, I found the strength to keep walking. I heard her jump off of the stone platform and follow me. 

I pushed the door open and saw the scornful image in front of me. Father held mother by her throat against the wall as he scolded her. 

“I told you to put the dishes in the dishwasher!” he hollered. His grip tightened around her throat as he screamed continuously. I could hear my sister shriek in terror as I could only stand paralyzed in trepidation. My mother clawed her nails through his hands but he replied with no hesitation. Crimson liquid leaks out in the process. “This is why you’re good for nothing-”

“Stop!”

They both turned to Adeline as tears streamed down her cheeks. I couldn’t look at her as the tension grew in the room. 

“What did you say to me?” He hissed through his teeth as his grip loosened on mother. 

“I just-”

“Repeat what you just said to me!” 

The events in front of me unfolded in a flash. My father grabbed my sister by her shoulders, squeezing the life out of her. 

“Stop it!” she screamed. “You’re hurting me!” 

“I don’t care!” he screamed. He continued to throw her against the wall as my mother wailed. I found myself falling onto the floor as I couldn’t fully comprehend what was happening. The photos fell from the wall and shattered against the floor. Adeline only lay there in pain. I gazed at my injured sister as she grasped onto her foot. There appeared to be a deep gash within her knee, blood matching the color of her ballet shoes. 

“Don’t get in my way,” my father mumbled. He sharply turned to me. “Do you have anything to say?” His words echoed thoroughly through the walls as I strained myself to focus on what was happening. 

 I could’ve sworn the angle in my house reiterated the many frames in my house as my father eyed me. My sister’s body slowly became a lump of clay as my mother’s tears worsened. Slowly, my mother's mouth gaped open as red liquid forced its way out. I found myself stumbling back onto the stairs as the distortion of my house began. I ended up tripping over something, I couldn’t indicate what and found myself trapped in a facade of delirium.

My living room was dimly lit as I sat there. I was only exposed to dim glare from the television, but even that didn't bother me. I could see the outlines of my family as the ray shone onto their blank expressions. Their eyes glistened into vision as I leaned closer. My breath hitches as all eyes were suddenly on me. Some of the eyes glaring were grotesque shades of maroon and deep indigo. I couldn’t make out whether or not they were melting, but most of them were plastered on the picture frames. The only sound illuminating was the blare of the television’s static. 

My body suddenly flickered coldly. No one uttered a word. Even I was confused as to whether I should emit a sign of life or not. As if I were prey, I felt the predator's gaze catching me. I noticed the interior of the house as the darkness only grew. The darkness itself appeared to be the cracks in the wall, as though the world itself was collapsing. It resembled a nightmare. The odd thing about nightmares was that I never got used to them. The familiarity of nightmares should’ve made me prone to enduring such riveting moments as this. However, no one is truly used to nightmares. I’m surely not. 

“I promise you, I promise you,” I heard a voice from the cracks of the walls. I heard their wailing but I could not come to their aid. I didn’t know how, as though my existence itself is a useless emphasis. I stood in perplexity and desperation as the cries began ringing in my ears. 

Everything paused for a sheer moment, maybe a second. I couldn’t see what was in front of me, I don’t know if I even could see. My body felt as though it was trapped in an ongoing, slow force. I couldn’t control my own limbs, only a nonexistent being restraining what was left of me. 

“It is only fair I give something in return, and that gift is for me to move on.” 

Adeline’s voice echoed throughout the sudden void. It kept on and on until it finally stopped. The statement itself made me think how selfish it truly was. Why live for something that wanted something else in return? What is the point of suffering at the hands of one's own selfish desires? Perhaps she saw things in an optimistic way. Optimism, in its own strange self, was a shield of delusion. Thinking about it now, she was delusional- 

My eyes suddenly flew open without my knowledge. In a sense, time began to speed up again. My sister's body was limp due to the pressure of the blow as my mother shriveled her voice in despair. My father stood with fear written all over his eyes. He became more and more unnerved as his irises became rounder. He didn’t know where to wander his gaze except only straight ahead. I could’ve sworn I saw a single tear strike down his cheek. 

The pool of blood leaking from my sister's head continued to fill my mother's arms. Maybe it was my vision, but everything suddenly appeared as though it was black and white. The only color I could make out was the blood leaking from my sister and the walls. I followed the blood trail as it led to my sister’s shoes. 

They were still that deep red.

I forced myself to get up and sprint out. I pushed my door open as the world got its color back. I began to run. I ran past the street where my sister and I walked and into oblivion. I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention to my environment. I kept sprinting. 

I didn’t keep track of how long I ran. All I knew was that I was somewhere different. I don’t know exactly where though. I found myself slowing down once I caught my breath and forced myself to get a grasp on my reality. Once I looked up, I could see my house. A gaping hole erupted in my chest as I hesitated to pick my pace back up. I sighed and dragged my feet onto the porch. I don’t know what came over me in this part, however. A sense of unfamiliarity washed over me as I stood in front of the door. As if on instinct, I knocked on the door. 

To my own house. 

A man opened the door. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint how. I opened my mouth to say something but my memories and thoughts were suddenly blank.

What was my name again? 

I shook my head and peered inside the doorway. I could see a pair of red ballet shoes tied onto their railing. 

“It is only fair I give something in return, and that gift is for me to move on.” 

That was strange. I could’ve sworn I was alone this whole time as I could feel the cold, bare hands of a little girl cling to me. The man gazed in concern as I blankly stared at him. 

“Do you mind if I look around?”