Better Luck Next Time

Trying to get his bearings and figure out what happened the night before, Austin, thirty-three, looked down at himself and mumbled, "Um, where's my pants and why am I wearing a lacy, red, push up bra?” Realizing he is in a strangers car, Austin looked over to the woman in the driver’s seat and asked, "and who are you?"

"My name is Olivia. I found you passed out outside of this here Starbucks when it was about to open. Since the dress code is a bit more 'no shirt, no shoes, no service', I figured you’d be a bit safer in my car. So I dragged you inside before someone called the police," shared Olivia reassuringly, pointing to the logo above the entrance to the coffee shop. "Are you ok?"

"I think so,” Austin answered unsure only to immediately reach for his head and winced. "Ow, my head. Shit! Where's my wallet? Why a Starbucks?" 

"My guess? Probably with your clothes and I don't know."

"What the hell happened last night?" 

  “Still a good question. You don't remember anything? Try and retrace your steps. Meanwhile, I can at least offer you this t-shirt from my gym bag. It's clean," suggested Olivia turning to the back seat to retrieve a black t-shirt that reads ‘not today satan’ and handed it to Austin.  

Austin starts to pull the t-shirt over his head and then stops mid dressing. Maybe the bra should come off first, he thought. Frustrated and flustered he finds himself intertwined like a pretzel unable to move due to the bra straps and clasp just out of reach. Defeated, he asked, "how do you women wear these things?" 

Having a good laugh over the irony of it all, Olivia unhooked the bra clasps in the back. Instantly freed, a black shiny business card along with a $20 bill slips out of the bra cup. "Looks like someone likes your style," Olivia said coyly holding up the card and money as Austin pulled the t-shirt over his head.  

"I remember lights and music…”  Austin reached for the business card and reads it. On it, a simple logo of a royal flush fanned out with a silhouette of a stripper on a pole in the center of the front card — all in gold foil — along with the words "Strip Poker Club" and a phone number. On the reverse side of the card, a note reads, 'Better luck next time, - Eve'. “Hmmm. I owe you. Thanks for the shirt and helping me. Can I ask you for one more favor, though? Do you have a cell phone I can borrow? I want to call this number. Maybe 'Eve' knows where I can find my clothes and wallet? As a thank you, treat yourself to a coffee and if I could have a black coffee too, that would be awesome. Keep the change. Then we can go on living our lives as if nothing happened," pleaded Austin.

"Sure, I’m curious to see how this plays out."

"Thank you!" 

Olivia handed over her cellphone, grabbed the money, then walked to the front door of the Starbucks.  

Austin watched Olivia in her purple floral yoga pants and matching tank-top disappear into the dark interior of the shop. He can't help but linger on that brief moment admiring her petite athletic physique. Then he snapped out of it and dialed the number on the business card.  

By the second ring, a feminine sultry voice answers, "Strip Poker, want to play?"

"No! No, I don't want to play. I mean I think I played last night?? I’m calling because I can't find my wallet... Do you have my wallet?"

"Who is this?"

“My name is Austin. I have your card."

"Austin? Austin Stone? This is Eve! Man that was one hell-of-a-game of strip poker! I was really off my game. I usually don't loose my bra."

"So this is your bra?”

“Is it Red? Lacy?"

"Yes! Well, that explained that oddity! But my wallet… Please say you have it.”  

“I don’t. Aren’t you with your friends? I am guessing they grabbed it with your clothes shortly after you and your groupies pissed off Tiny. That was the last I saw of you. Oh! Ever get that coffee? You couldn't stop talking about how coffee is about to go extinct and you must get some before it is gone forever. It was pretty funny.”

“I bet. I gotta go. Bye,” said Austin ending the call abruptly.

Right on cue, Olivia approached the car with two coffees. She handed him a small cup of black coffee as Austin gave her phone back. Once seated back, Olivia sipped the caramel colored, iced coffee drink she got for herself, then placed it in the car cup holder. “So, any luck?" asked Olivia.

"It's coming back to me. Apparently last night got out of hand and I was a bit drunk.  I believed coffee was going extinct and must have wandered here to see if it was true then passed out. Good thing I was wrong,” Austin points to the cup of coffee she handed him and took a sip. His eyes rolled back into his head as he let out a sigh. Pure ecstasy.  After finishing his cup of coffee, Austin carefully stepped out of the car tugging at the t-shirt to cover his boxers. Closing the door, he turned around and was greeted by three guys, also half dressed, who seemed to have appeared out of thin air.

"Eh! Austin! We've been looking all over for you," exclaimed one guy in a cowboy hat and tighty-whities.  

"The tour bus is around the corner. We gotta go. Tiny is still following us,” said another man from the group who was shirtless but wearing jeans and cowboy boots. 

Austin smiled and waved at Olivia and then quick ran off trailing his friends as a very tall, rotund, man dressed in black, huffed and puffed following behind them.  She shook her head, confused but waved back eyeing Austin’s boxers and laughed once more. Once she pulled out of the parking space, Olivia turned onto the main road, and literally pinched herself.  ‘Holy crap! I just took a bra off of Austin Stone of Austin and the Stoners! Good thing I took these pics when I found him passed out or my friends would never believe me," Olivia squealed to herself as she drove off into the distance.