Adventures at Green Acres

        Adventures at Green Acres

Suzanne Marsh

Green Acres sounded great in the brochure; I quickly made the reservations for two days. The brochure showed plush green sites, electric, water all of the amenities. Do not ever believe what you see; you could be in for a very rude awaking. My very rude awaking began when I pulled into the campground; Green Acres was more the TV program than a camp ground. I climbed out of the camper and climbed right back in. It was to late to turn around and find another campground beside that it was the only one for at least one hundred miles. Hmm, I wondered now what? I registered in the manager’s office. I was told that campsite number seven was where I would be sleeping that evening.

Sleeping was not the operative word nor an option. It began to rain; a tent camper is great just not when it pours buckets. Once the rain stopped the camper began to sink up past the tires. This did not bode well for my stay here. I knew that I would have to jack the trailer up in order to get it out of the slurping mud. That would have been a simple task except I had no idea how to do that; I had borrowed the camper from a friend of fine to go camping. Tent campers are fairly light weight so this did not seem to be a problem. Right, Murphy was hard at work.

Tent Campers have a canvas top, a stove and a few other amenities; which for the most part are not that great but then again beggars can’t be choosers. That was what I told myself as I wrestled with the sheets for the bed; I should have just brought a sleeping bag. That definitely would have been much simpler. The bottom fitted sheet did not actually fit the bed. Then again the mattress is only a few inches thick. The top sheet was easier I only had to tuck it under the mattress. Finally, I had a bed. Whoopee! I used the light of a Coleman Lantern to read directions on how to start the propane burners. I was so intent on getting the burners working I did not notice I was almost out of propane. I decided that eggs were good and that was going to be dinner. I just did not plan on the propane running out completely and half cooked eggs. That I was not Green Acres fault however that was my bad.

By now the canvas was soaked, rain water trickled down onto my bed. This was a catch twenty two problem. I had remembered to bring rain gear. I put on my raincoat and hat then proceeded to remove the propane tank. Green Acres did sell propane; that was only good thing. I cursed my friend; I had no idea how to get the propane tank off of the camper. The rain continued as I attempted to get the tank off and take it to have it filled. Finally it gave way. I sloshed my way lugging the propane tank. The gentleman in the office was grumpy and refused to fill the tank. I should add that in order to fill the tank meant he had to stand out in the rain while he did it. I told him I had half cooked eggs and I desperately needed to fill the propane tank; I was hungry and wanted to eat. He was unsympathetic to my problem. He told me to return after the rain stopped. Thus far this weekend camping trip was becoming the camping trip from hell. I trudged back to the camper leaving the propane tank there. I hoped that when I returned it would be full and I go finish eating.

I began to read Love and War by John Jakes; when I heard a growl just outside the camper. That just did not sound good at all. I had been warned there were black bears in the area; I just was not prepared to have on rocking the tent camper. I wondered if I opened the window and shot it something to eat; maybe it would go away on its own. I am not that lucky. All I could think of was the marshmallows I had planned to toast over the fire. I threw several at the beast. It scarfed them down and apparently wanted more. It began to rock the camper more vigorously. This was not going to do; the bear needed to leave. Finally, I hit on a solution to the bear situation. I threw the bag of marshmallows toward it. It scooped them up and ran. Yes that was the first smart thing I had done since I arrived.

By the time it stopped raining I was ready to go to bed. I knew I was going to have to walk to the showers and bathroom. That was the easy part as it turned out. Maneuvering out the door with my flash light in my hand was simple. I lived in the city so what did I know about leech beds out here in the country. I was not prepared to attempt to dodge around a leech bed that was sitting almost directly in front of the next camper over. I began my trek around it. The mud was up to my ankles, but I did get past that one. I slid toward the next leech bed; damn I hoped I would get to the bathroom; I was to old to have an accident. I picked up the pace as I hurried toward the bathroom. I needed that hot water however it was ice cold...I could almost feel my lips turning blue. I had in mind to complain about the place; it was costing me three dollars a night. That should have told me something right there and then. I zig zagged once again through the leech lines. Lucky me! I made it back to the camper without further ado.

Green Acres is not the place for me!