TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE

TIME: Early morning.

SETTING: Short-term rehabilitation and long-term residency center. 

SCENE: BOB rolls his wheelchair down the LONG-TERM HALLWAY. As he approaches the nurse’s station, BOB wheels to the desk, secures the brakes on his wheelchair, then leans back.

BOB. Top o’ the morning to ya, Danny! Surprised you’re still here. Shouldn’t you have gone home an hour ago?

DANIEL. Ha. Wouldn’t that be nice, leaving when I’m scheduled to? What are you up to this morning, Bobby?

BOB. No good! (Smacks his knee and laughs.) Just kidding … Just kidding … Heading down to grab the mornin’ paper and thinkin’ about getting myself a cup o’ Joe. Want one?

DANIEL. No thanks, Bobby. I only have a few more notes to chart, then I’m out of here!

BOB. You're a workaholic!

DANIEL. Oh, I know it. Try telling that to my boss and get me a raise!

BOB. The only raise you see around here is the end of someone’s foot! (They laugh. BOB unlocks his wheelchair brakes and moves down the hallway, hollering behind him.) You know what they say, it’s lonely at the top, Danny! 

(MAE enters the LONG-TERM HALLWAY, shuffling out of the LOUNGE as BOB wheels past.) 

BOB CON’T. Top o’ the morning, Mae! 

(MAE smirks.)

BOB CON’T. It’s a good day for the ducks out there.

(MAE nods.)

BOB CON’T. Ah, but you know what they say, they’re all a buncha quacks anyways! (Smacks his leg and laughs.) Off to get myself a cup o’ Joe. Need anything?

(MAE holds up her full cup and shakes her head.) 

BOB CON’T. Well then, more for me! Have a great day, Mae. 

(MAE shuffles away then enters HER ROOM and shuts the door. BOB continues farther down the hall as DOLLY exits HER ROOM slowly behind her walker, holding a heart shaped pillow to her chest. As BOB continues wheeling past, they nearly collide.)

DOLLY. Oh, excuse me, I didn’t see you there.   

BOB. No problem, no problem! (Slowing down to meet DOLLY’s pace.) Your name’s Dolly, right? (DOLLY nods. BOB sings-) Hello, Dolly! Well, hello, Dolly!

DOLLY. What a lovely greeting. I’m so sorry, but you’ll have to remind me your name!

BOB. It’s Bob, with one O! (Smacks his knee and laughs.)

DOLLY. Well, Bob with one O, where are you going this morning?

BOB. Crazy! Just kidding, just kidding … I’m getting’ the news and a cup o’ Joe. Want one?

DOLLY. Well, thank you, Robert. I was actually headed downstairs for the paper myself.

BOB. Want a little company? 

DOLLY. I’d like that. I’ve been here a month already, but since they moved me upstairs, I’ve had some trouble navigating back down to the receptionist.

BOB. Well, you’ve come to the right person! I've only been here a few days, but I make this trip every morning.

(They continue, BOB wheeling and DOLLY walking with her walker, side by side down the HALLWAY towards the ELEVATOR.)

BOB CON'T. Been here a month you say? I never see you out at the activities. 

DOLLY. (Shifting.) I’m supposed to be discharged soon, so I won’t need the activities or social opportunities for long.

BOB. You don’t say? Gettin’ out soon? Home sweet home!

DOLLY. Almost. I’m actually going to be staying with my daughter for a bit. Or so she tells me. 

BOB. Hmm. Wonder why they’ve got ya on our long-term hallway then? Ahh, no matter. At least you have a daughter to go home with. Me? I have no kids. Guess I’m what they call a lone-wolf, but here they call me a long-termer.

DOLLY. A charming man like you never had any children?

BOB. Nope! Couldn’t afford ‘em! (He laughs and hits the button for the ELEVATOR. The doors open, and they enter.)

DOLLY. You seem to be getting along well. Here only a few days and already seem to know more people than I do.

BOB. Well, I’m sure it’s hard to be modest as great as you are … Guess I just find our time here has more value when you spend it with others. Would get awfully lonely without ‘em, don’t ’cha think?

DOLLY. (Nodding.) Yes, I suppose you’re right … 

(The elevator doors open, and the two head to the LOBBY. SANDRA, the receptionist, sits at the front desk.)

SANDRA. Well, good morning, Bob. Dolly. You lot here for your morning papers?

BOB. Nope, just here to say hello to a beautiful woman! (He winks, then locks the breaks on his wheelchair and leans back.)

SANDRA. Oh, Bob, you are a flirt!

BOB. You caught me red-handed! Mail come yet?

SANDRA. Not yet. Just the papers.

BOB. Darn! Still waitin’ on a winning lottery check. If you find it, let me know! Should be addressed to Bob, with one O!

SANDRA. (Blushing.) You are something, aren’t you? Here’s your paper. And, Ms. Dolly, here’s yours. You two be good now.

BOB. Or don’t get caught! 

(BOB unlocks his wheelchair and turns back to the ELEVATOR, but DOLLY struggles to juggle the newspaper with her heart pillow and walker.)

BOB. Need a hand? 

DOLLY. Oh, if you don’t mind. 

BOB. Not at all. (BOB claps, then slaps his leg and laughs) Just kidding ... (He reaches out to hold DOLLY’s newspaper and pillow, balancing them on his lap and they continue to the ELEVATOR, press the button, and enter.) 

BOB CON’T. You know, I used to be in the elevator business.

DOLLY. No, I didn’t know that.

BOB. Yep, it had its ups and downs!

DOLLY. (Laughing.) I should've expected that!

BOB. You know what they say, you can run, but you can’t hide!

(The doors open, and BOB and DOLLY exit the ELEVATOR then enter the LOUNGE. DOLLY sits at a table and flips through the newspaper. BOB grabs two coffee cups and rolls to the coffee maker.)

BOB CON’T. How many creams ‘n sugars, Dolly?

DOLLY. Oh, no coffee for me, thank you. (DOLLY presses two fingers to her chest and takes a deep breath, then retrieves a pen from her sweater pocket and opens the paper to work on the crossword puzzle.)

BOB. More for me! 

(BOB fills a cup of coffee and drops it off at the table, then fills a glass of water, places it in front of DOLLY, then pulls himself up to the table, locks his wheelchair breaks, and leans back with the paper.) 

DOLLY. Oh, how thoughtful! (She takes a sip of water and returns to the crossword.)

BOB. Like the puzzles, do ya? (He opens his paper to the puzzles page and examines the crosswords closely, as if they were written in another language.) Yeah … Never been so good at ‘em myself, unless they have some sports or movies questions, then I’m your man.

DOLLY. Well, those are the most difficult for me, so I may need to enlist your help. 

BOB. Last time my help was enlisted I got shipped off for eight years. Hawaii, Japan, Okinawa, Borneo, Taiwan, Australia, China, Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, Philippians, Hong Kong, New Guinea. (Cheerfully.) And all for free! (Shakes his head.) But for my new friend, I’ll volunteer! 

DOLLY. Sounds like the trip my husband was on. 

BOB. No kidding? Were you two married when he was over there?

DOLLY. Yes, we were married nearly two months before his lottery number was called.

BOB. What’s your husband’s name?

DOLLY. William. He passed five years ago from a stroke. He was always the one who could finish these darn puzzles. We used to do them together at the kitchen table, but really, he filled out a majority of the answers and left the easy ones for me, always letting me finish the puzzle. Said he couldn’t have done it without me. Two heads are better than one, and all that ... (She presses a finger to her chest, takes a deep breath and looks back to the crossword.) Without him, I’m lucky if I can even get five or six, but I still try. Guess it's more out of habit than anything, but it helps pass the time in here.

BOB. I’m so sorry for your loss. 

(DOLLY smiles then resumes working on her puzzle. BOB skips to the comics of his paper, laughing as he reads. After several minutes, DOLLY clears her throat and sniffles.)

BOB. Didn’t find your name in the obituaries, did ya? (Smacks his knee and laughs.) Just kidding … Just kidding … What’s on your mind?

DOLLY. Oh nothing, I was thinking about something you said earlier. 

(BOB raises his eyebrows and blinks, gesturing for DOLLY to continue.)

DOLLY CON’T. You mentioned something about our time having more value here when we spend it with others. (Tearing up.) It’s just, I didn’t realize how lonely I’d- 

(DOLLY stops, shakes her, takes a tissue from her sweater pocket, and wipes her nose. BOB stays still, his eyes never faltering from DOLLY.)

DOLLY CON’T. You know, physical therapy lasts an hour, occupational therapy’s a half hour if you’re lucky, and three meals a day take up a few more. In the beginning of my stay, my daughter visited every night after work. I received flowers from friends and get well soon cards from neighbors. But life goes on outside of these walls, and time moves slowly within. If I’m really being honest, I’m worried that with their moving me upstairs, I’m not as close to going home as I’d hoped. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you, Bob, with one O. Your company couldn’t have come at a better time.

BOB. The pleasure’s all mine. And maybe, if you’re sticking around for a bit, you could try out one of the activities? They've got something for everyone - bingo, card games, crafts, cooking, music, you name it. Lots of good folks, and it’s a great way to pass the time. Besides, now you’ll always know someone there, so you don't have to try it alone. 

DOLLY. (Sniffling and wiping her nose.) I’ll have to think about it. 

BOB. And ‘til you’re ready for all that, I get the paper and a cup o’ Joe every morning around this time. I’d consider myself lucky if you’d like to join me again sometime.

(DOLLY smiles and returns to her puzzle. BOB follows her lead, flips a few pages, and runs a finger along the sheet, peeking at DOLLY’s puzzle, then returning to his and shaking his head occasionally. DOLLY fills in a few more words to her puzzle, then sighs and drops her pen.) 

BOB. Ah ha! 

DOLLY. (Startled.) What is it?

BOB. John Wayne!

DOLLY. Excuse me?

BOB. Forty-two across: American actor nicknamed Duke by a local fireman in Glendale, CA. Answer’s John Wayne. Looks like you needed that one. 

DOLLY. (Examines her own puzzle, nods, and inputs the answer to the empty squares.) Thanks, I wouldn't have gotten that without you.

BOB. Well, you know what they say, two heads are better than one. What’s next?