Bedrock

On September 1st, 2011, my little brother Joshua was saved by certain death. We still commemorate this day every year and will continue to do so for as long as we live. A special request from our father to remember and appreciate the luck and privilege of life itself. You see our father...is a very particular kind of man. A retired military man, with the number of medallions and awards that would make the president blush. You could fill a whole wall with them assuming you were looking for a way to decorate your house. Or maybe plaster them all together in one big golden disc for the whole world to see. Either way, they could provide something with their shine. And sitting aside to them you could listen to all the stories about the various wars, the glorious bloodshed battles, and the terrifying dangers through which only the bravest and most honorable men could survive. All, coming with the intensity of someone that met face to face with death and managed to escape him numerous times. 

That's probably part of the reason my father never smiles or laughs. His heart is an expressionless white canvas that the markers lost their colors and cannot write anything but transparent ink. His face, an iron mask that the physical nerves have been cut off and cannot move a muscle. Few people can comprehend my father really. He takes everything with the same seriousness and strict mentality he carried along in the army. A shield against the bullets of cruelty. Sometimes I wonder if there is another part in him that hides beneath the tough surface that is lurking around suppressed and unable to find an outlet.

***

On September 1st, 2011, my little brother Joshua was walking along the beautiful Bothnian Sea. A beautiful natural miracle, full of dark rocks that remind the glorious volcanic back of a sleeping dragon. Bumpy and curvy, turbulent and brittle. Sometimes you could imagine parts of the rocks been cut off from the main body and fall down to their detriment exile, in the base of the cliff that the sea licks every now and then with its white tongue. Not the best future for them surely. This little graphic beach with its high altitude, and beautiful view of the ocean, is the highest note in an otherwise dull and mundane village. 

Bedrock is like the hollow interior of a thunderstruck tree, that burned its whole core and left only a thin wooden crust on the outside. As people like to say, there is nothing to see in Bedrock other than forests, grass, and ghosts. A lost place, covered with an invisible border that separates it from the real world. If you happened to pass across it, you would assume its a place forgotten by God, one that only people punished for some unheard sin were destined to live in. Yet here we are and this is where we grew up in, me with my two brothers and parents, in our little white house with the big tall acres in the middle. 

I am the middle child, 6 years older than Joshua, and 3 years smaller than Ben. 

Carrying the joy of being in the sweet middle layer of a giant hamburger. Little joy and games on the bottom, some advice, and responsibilities from the top. Although I'm not sure if Ben can be considered the appropriate 'big brother' model. He got shrewd off from a very young age declining into the bleak roads of drugs and bad companions. 

Immersed into the deeper layers of networks that would provide a city with illegal trafficking and would corrupt its people with promises of non-existant worlds. Something that would stand eligible to put him in jail for a long time had he been caught, staining the good family name our father worked and cared so much about. Yet he managed to continue his little operations unbothered and intact, shoving his luscious earnings on the face of me and Joshua that were trying to convince him otherwise. 

«Who cares about a little trip to the City's clubs tonight?» he would snarl on us spinning his cash like a deck of playing cards. "Ethan, what do you say, come on! You have to live a little boy, don't you?", he would point at me with his characteristic slick attitude, but I would diverge the opportunity and avert my looks in the shameful thoughts of the money's origins.

***

On September 1st, 2011, at 6:00 pm in the afternoon, my little brother Joshua was marching the coastline path. It was a cloudy day with the sun shying away from his duty, marking the sea watercolors, pitch-dark with an ambiance of red, like the color of bittersweet wine. The coast was empty as it was most of the time at this point and he was walking alone, casually observing the beauty of the landscape, and spending time in soothing silence as he got the chance to enjoy everything that nature had to offer. 

Reaching the end of the path, he came face to face with the dedicated block that was separating the safe-zone area from danger. He glanced over the landscape and decided to take it a step further climbing the little wooden borders and passing over to the other side. The border was only 2 feet tall and located there more as a pointer than an actual restriction as it was quite easy to surpass. On the other side lied the bumpy road of the rocks in the shore, that would unveil for the next 20-30 meters and immerse right into the sea at the end of it. Many people would take the risk to walk on them and take pictures even at the indiscretion of the many signs arguing to not do exactly that. The whole structure was a steep cliff, standing as high as 15 meters from the ground, with various rocks pumping out from its body like separate trees competing for a higher spot and more sunlight. 

It wasn't the first time he had walked over the cliffs and already he had enough experience on it to give him the confidence to walk a little faster that one would have anticipated. Reaching over the side, he decided to take a stripe over a spot and sit for a while to enjoy the view. But as he passed his right leg over, it got twisted in between the little chasms rolling him over the surface and throwing him down the coarse side. His body got slumped over and clashed as he slid down the cliff. His head crashed in various spots as he smashed on the ground unconscious and senseless unable to move or do anything to save himself. Blood from his injuries started to accumulate under him and it would be only a matter of minutes before he would lose any sense and die from his wounds.

[But Joshua wasn't alone in the cliffs. Ben and his girlfriend were lurking around the area already expressing their romantic interest in one of the lovely little nests shaped by the rocks of the area. They had been there for quite some time already when they listened to distant shouts and the sudden outcries that made them curious to look out for what had happened. As they sparsed out, they found Joshua on the side of the cliff, helpless in his injuries, and managed to give him the necessary aid to keep him alive. Getting him in the hospital fast enough was the most crucial point in him staying alive and had they not act so fast the outcome would have been quite different.]

From this day on Ben gained the appreciation and respect of everyone as the sole savior that rescued a boy's life with his heroic actions. Our father changed his attitude towards him and began appreciating his opinions and inputs even on the most crucial family decisions, treating him with benefits and privileges he would otherwise never be allowed to have. The family would drink water on his name and everybody would speak of him with the kindest words. Yet this story is nothing but plain lies and fantasies that were devised to hide the shameful truth, some people would not be able to withstand. Its sole purpose was to soothe mouths and their questions with a plausible scenario that seemed fitting for the most part. And everybody believed it and took the story like the holy truth they need to keep hold on to. But the actual sequence of events is quite different and would be quite irritating to anyone that would have the unfortunate luck to come across it.

***

The last few years I've been attending the little art school in the south part of the town, where it stands in between deserted parks and little houses. Its tall walls are faded in a greyish, long to be bothered, coating and it contains a big flourishing garden filled with bushes and evergreen trees. 

Although hesitant in the beginning, this little place turned out to be a gift from God, providing for a little oasis in an otherwise mundane place. Through its various classes, I came across the greatest artists ever lived, felt the rejuvenating stroke from their ingenious work, and got to appreciate the soothing impact of art in someone's life. Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Picasso. What a bliss just to go through their creations as they shaped the artistic landscape. 

Painting grew into me and it wasn't long before it consumed my every thought. Holding the color palette, mixing the colors with your own hands, and salving them in the empty canvas...It felt like defiling something so pure and clean with something so indelible and persisting...Yet you could always mold it as you pleased, adding on top of what you had already created. A multilayered structure that you were the only one to really know its story and origin.

Funny enough my teacher finds my paintings quite intriguing as well. She actually believes that I have enough talent to proceed in it further and even built a career out of it, assuming I have the stamina to persist and won't give up. And what better luck could I have, I absolutely adore painting and have already made up my mind to keep working down that path. Strange enough I managed to convince father about my aspirations as well and persuaded him about the amazing possibilities and opportunities it can have in real life. A good designer hand can be quite valuable in today's world and although it has a considerable cost he agreed for me to attend the full course and immerse in it full time.

***

But last week I stumbled on something quite unexpected. On my return home, as I entered my room, I encountered Ben snooping on one of my paintings. When I asked him about the reason of his visit, he smiled arrogantly.

"I see you are progressing quite a lot in your art," he said pointing in one of my works.

"Well, I do my best" I responded casually trying to hide the concern from my face. "I'm actually planning to move on to the full course next year, so they better worth something.." I joked.

"Well about that.." he said as he took a sit on the bed. "Look I talked to the father and we are going to need some savings for the new coffeehouse. I know this is important for you but I'm sure you can understand...We are gonna need a good chunk of investment to proceed with it..."

The news came like a thunderbolt on me, who having no clue about the plans or the discussions between father and Ben, tried to keep my calm and grasp the situation. 

"You can't be serious," I uttered at him. "You can't expect me to give up on my dreams so that you can have your coverage for your little business there, are you?"

"Wow, " he held out his hand as if stopping me. "I wouldn't hurry up so fast there little brother. I think we both know who has the better chance here to get what he wants."

"I will never allow it," I screamed to him. "I will talk to the father, I will let him know everything if I have to even..." I said exasperatingly.

"Speak a single word and then Daddy is gonna know about your little secret. You wouldn't want that now there, would you?" he said as he calmly tapped me in the shoulders.

You see Ben is in possession of a knowledge that cannot be revealed to anyone else. The day of the incident he happened to be revealed of a secret and from then on things are not the same. A chain of events has been initiated that is impossible to stop. And there is no one else that really knows about it than Ben and me. As we are the only two people that really know the actual events that took place that day and their implications. Yet the truth has never been spoken or revealed to anyone else...

***

On September 1st, 2011, one week before the start of the new season and the day that would mark the end of the most beautiful summer of my life, right in the middle of the afternoon and when I was blossoming in the nets of love, my little brother Joshua opened the door of the little Grand Cafe and entered the place that would be otherwise destined for teenagers looking for hookups or strange loners. He marched inside to find Ben sitting with his girlfriend over the backside and he took a sit. Without many words and with his arm still around his gum-chewing girlfriend, Ben threw a little package over the table.

«Get this over to little Danny by 2:00 o'clock and you can have 10 full bucks.» he snarled.

«What is it?» Joshua asked

«You dummy don't ask questions, haven't I told you?» he uttered poignantly. «Just do as I tell you and then you get your reward. That's all.»

«Do I get the bicycle afterward as promised?»

«Bicycle? You only get that after you earn it dam-head. Now beat it!» he pointed at the door.

Being the only person that he could trust, Joshua revealed everything to me. He had been doing these favors for Ben for the last whole year earning little rewards here and there that although small, meant the whole world for a little kid. What did Ben win from this? He knew fairly well that nobody could ever suspect a young child for carrying drugs around. As long as he had Joshua he could do as he pleased without anyone batting an eye. A win-win situation. 

Joshua walked across Brandon street to reach the main square of the village. He passed across the road, with the package still in his pocket, and turned left to the little barbershop around the corner. Right at the end of that square, Danny and 4 other of his boys had gathered around doing their usual business. As Joshua started approaching, just before he reached on to them, a police officer put out his gun and ordered them to stand with their hands up. That's when chaos emerged. They all started running around like crazy and so did little Joshua that not knowing what to do he called Ben on the phone who directed him towards the coastline. 

As Joshua reached the cliffs he did try to climb along on them and as he did he strumbled his leg and fell. Only the person that found him wasn't Ben but me. I was there together with Sam spending time casually on the beach and somehow we managed to hear the voices and look out for them. Searching around we found Joshua lying down on the ground unconscious and unable to respond or give any kind of sign back. We couldn't believe our eyes. How did Joshua find himself in that place, how did he end up in the cliffs at this point in time, and most importantly, what was the little package of drugs doing in his pocket? Not being able to provide with any answer we threw the drugs in the sea and carried him on our arms, trying to reach the car for the hospital, but right as we moved along the beach, Ben appeared out of nowhere.

«What is this? What happened to him?» he asked pointing at Joshua.

«We don't know anything we just found him lying on the ground wounded» I pleaded to him. 

Ben grabbed his hair unable to perceive the situation.

«Is he unconscious?» he asked in a panic.

«Yes, and we need to get him on the hospital asap» I responded.

He took a step back as if something came to his mind.

«Wait what were you two guys doing here in the first place?» he exasperated pointing at us. «You were together when you found him weren't you?» he scolded.

«Ben, right now it's not the time for this, we need to get him to the hospital as fast as we can» I yelled at him through the depths of my lungs but he moved his head sideways in disbelief.

«You do nothing,» he said threateningly. «You just stay right where you are and I'll get him there.» he nodded dead serious. «You hear me? You stay right there.» he repeated as he grabbed Joshua in his shoulders and left, leaving us in pure bewilderment.

***

Yesterday I took a harsh decision. I'm moving out of Bedrock once and for all. This Friday I'm getting on the train and visiting my friend Nicolas in new Jersey. He has already a place I can stay in and soon enough I will be able to join my side of the rent once I manage to find a job. The savings I gathered in the last few months should buy me enough time till I stand on my own feet and no matter how tough it gets I know I m gonna be a happier person there. This village has become nothing but a strict prison for me, that is drowning me little by little every day. 

What's the point of living somewhere that has no space for you and denies who you are. What's the point of being in a place that doesn't accept the unique traits that constitute your being and that rejects everything you stand and believe in. The lies retain their own lives and they keep grow till they get out of proportions. One day hell is gonna erupt and everybody is gonna be looking around bewildered having no explanation to give. 

Thanks but no thanks. I've decided I don't want this to be my life. 3 years after the incident I'm finally taking the step forward. I know Father won't be pleased with my decision but eventually, he will accept it and come in terms with it as this is the best for everyone. For Joshua, I made sure that Ben will never bother him with his business again and compelled him to think deeply and realize the importance of keeping this out of his life. Although still young he is mature and intelligent enough to know what's good for him. As far as for Sam...I'm waiting for him to come and find me in a few months as we've decided to take this step together. As tough as it may get, at least I know we will have each other...