Debate To The Death

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!"

"Yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

"WELCOME TO. . .DEBATE TO THE DEATH!!!"

"Wooooohooo!!!!!!"

"I'M JONATHAN, YOUR HOST FOR THIS WEEKS DEBATE, AND LET'S MEET THE CONTESTANTS!

FIRST UP, RILEY FROM DALLAS, TEXAS! TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF RILEY."

"Well, I'm very stubborn, and I argue a lot with other people, because I have lots of opinions, and I support them thoroughly. I came here today to show that my arguments aren't just petty word fights. My goal is to get the ten thousand dollars, then go home and brag."

"AWESOME, RILEY. NOW, LETS MEET RILEY'S COMPETITION. ENTER KEVIN FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. KEVIN, TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF!"

"I'm very popular, I have good looks, I ace everything, and I am actually doing this on a dare, to step out of my comfort zone."

"THANKS FOR THE INTRO KEVIN AND RILEY, NOW FOR THE FIRST TOPIC! DRUMROLL PLEASE. . ."

"dundundundundundundun"

"FLAVORS OF ICE CREAM!!!"

"Yaaaahhhh!!!!"

"KEVIN, YOU WILL BE SUPPORTING CHOCOLATE, RILEY, YOU WILL BE SUPPORTING VANILLA. OON YOOUUR MAAARK. GEEET SEEEEEET. GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

"Chocolate is rich and deep, it's way better than vanilla, and you can tell because there is such thing as chocolate, and such thing as vanilla, and if you compare those, chocolate will always win."

"BUUUUURRRNN!!"

"Yeah? Well, Mr. Stupid, we aren't talking about chocolate and vanilla, we're talking about chocolate and vanilla ICE CREAM. That just shows how chocolate can ruin your brain."

"OOOOOOOH!!!"

"Ummm, excuse me? Do you see who you are talking to? I've been getting straight As since Kindergarten. Progress reports included. Where has vanilla gotten you? If I check your report cards, will I see straight As? Ummm, I think not."

"NIIICE!"

"Vanilla is smooth, creamy, sweet, and fresh. Chocolate? Chocolate just ruins your taste buds and sits on your tongue all day long. Soon you'll have to spit it out, right?"

"HAARRSSHH!"

"Ummm, excuse me. Do I hear you changing the subject? Usually, when someone changes the subject, It means that they do not want to talk about it. Or they're embarrassed about it. In this case, it means I'm right."

"HE'S GOT A POINT!"

"And I'm talking to a guy who starts all his arguments with "Ummm". You are so wrong, that if you were this wrong on all your plans to steal the answers for the test, you would've flunked a million times over already."

"REEEAAALLLYY?" 

"Ummm, I think I'm talking to a bot. You are repeating everything I say, and you are programmed to say stuff that says vanilla is good, that you find from the web. Repeat this, "I am stupid."

"A ROBOOOTT!!"

"Ok, buddy, Switch those roles around, and you get reality. You wanna know why? Because you start all your sentences with "Ummm". Also, you called yourself stupid. Only people who are stupid and robots call themselves stupid. You get where I'm going?"

"SIIIICK!"

"One, I do. Two, I am not a robot. Three, you keep saying stupid. That means you are stupid."

"NIIICE!"

"Keep dreaming, dolt."

"AAAND, TIME! JUDGES, WHO DO YOU THINK WAS BETTER?"

"Vanilla. She was very intriguing, and made strong points."

"Chocolate, he always had a comeback for whatever Vanilla cooked up."

"Vanilla, she buuuuurned chocolate to the ground!"

"Chocolate, he was awesome, and was still standing, till the end."

"The person I pick had really great way with words, they made the other one break, and they had a great comeback for everything. The winner is. . .Vanilla."

"RILEY, YOU HAVE WON THE FIRST ROUND! ON TO THE SECOND!

OH, AND JUDGES FOUR AND FIVE, PLEASE GO AWAY, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED

FOR THIS ROUND, THE TOPIC IS SHOULD WE REPLACE TEACHERS WITH COMPUTERS? RILEY, YOU ARE NO. KEVIN, YOU ARE YES. LET US BEGIN!!!!!"

"Who would want to replace teachers with computers? Sure, computers have quota quote "Bigger Brains", but a few things make teachers better than computers. One, computers can't move. Two, people can hack into computers and take over. Do you really want your kids to listen to someone who hacked into the teacher-bot? No."

"You make a point, but guess what? Kids shouldn't just be taught what the teacher knows, they should be taught what they can learn. If the teacher doesn't know subtraction, only addition, the kids are only going to learn addition, but they're never going to learn subtraction."

"If you really think that the teacher they hire won't know subtraction, I give you back the insult you handed to me earlier: You are a dolt. Schools will only hire teachers if they know what they are going to teach. If they don't know subtraction, it's probably because they won't teach subtraction. I think what you're saying out there, to all the people watching, where there is at least one teacher or principal, you are telling them that schools hire teachers who don't have an education?"

"Of course not, I am simply saying that computers will know things that teachers will not. The teachers might not know something that is not taught in class, but a computer will know it."

"Computers don't have feelings or opinions. Teachers do. Teachers can explain their point of view. Computers can't. Teachers can take action and lead the class out of the building if the school catches on fire. A computer can only sit there and watch"

"Computers know the best thing to do during a fire. They would inform the kids, and the kids would have a better chance of surviving."

"AAAAAND, TIME!!! JUDGES, TIME TO PICK THE WINNER. JUDGES THREE AND TWO, BYE BYE AFTER THIS JUDGMENT."

"Yes, even though I think no, Yes made me consider changing my mind, and that is a great feat."

"No, I feel like No definitely won the round. No made a lot of supporting points, and showed the critical parts of Yes's thinking."

"I think the winner should be No."

"KEVIN, YOU HAVE WON THE SECOND ROUND. TIME FOR THE FINAL, MOST CHALLENGING ROUND!!!

FOR THE FINAL ROUND THE TOPIC WILL BE IS THERE ALIEN LIFE OUTSIDE EARTH.

BUT THERE IS A CATCH! YOU HAVE THREE SENTANCES EACH, YOU CAN SAY THEM WHEN YOU'D LIKE, EITHER ALL AT ONCE, OR SAY THEM ONE BY ONE.

KEVIN, YOU ARE NO. RILEY, YOU ARE YES.

MAIZY CORNIKLE, OUR LAST-JUDGE-STANDING WILL DECIDE WHO WINS.

. . .BEGIN!"

"Aliens. . .When you think about aliens, you think about a giant radioactive glop with purple tentecales. Or a green skinned martain from outer space. Nope, those things are totally not real."

"Aliens don't have to green-skinned, one-eyed martains from the planet PBBBTHHPBB who want to conquer earth. No, aliens can be small mamalls that live underground on Mars. And there IS a good possibility that that is true."

"JUDGE MAIZY CORNIKLE, WHO DO YOU THINK WON?"

"Well, Tommy."

"*please don't call me tommy, mum*"

"I think the winner did their research. The winner had a strong point, way stronger than the other. I think all the judges agree with me when I say, Aliens won. NoAliens, I'm sorry, but Aliens was better."

"WOOOHOOOO!!!!! WE HAVE GOTTEN OURSELVES A WIIIINNNNEEEERRR!!!! "

"Ding Ding Ding Ding"

"KEVIN, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY?"

"Well, I lost fair and square, and I'm not mad, because that question caught me off guard. I really don't really like paranormal, so I just said the first thing that came to mind. Riley had done her research. I hand't. Actually, this is the first time I have lost since Kindergarden."

"REALLY? WOW! ALRIGHTY, RILEY COME SAY SOMETHING!"

"Well, I just want to give a shout out to Sabrina Gims, who encouraged me to try out for this, show. Also to all my friends who I practiced with, arguing wether Diary of a Wimpy Kid, or Dog Man was better, while our ice cream melted."

'THAT IS VEEEERRRY SPECIFIC!"

"Yeah, I have great memory."

"Ringadingdingdingading. Ringadingdingading. Ringadingdingading."

"That's my mom. Bye!"

"AND THAT, FOLKS IS THE END OF EPISODE 12, SEASON 7 FOR "DEBATE TO THE DEATH"!!!!!!! 

GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR KEVIN AND RILEY, FOR COMING HERE AND PARTICIPATING.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, FOR NOW, I GOTTA PARTY!!"