It's Okay

I busied myself in the kitchen while waiting for Justin to arrive. After filling the kettle and setting it on the stove to warm, I pulled two mugs down from the cabinet. I turned to the table in the breakfast nook and began to set it, my hands shaking nervously.

It wasn’t the fact that I had a guest coming over that made me anxious. Nor was it the fact that it was Justin. I’d known the man since grade school. We’d been best friends for years. We even had plans of moving to the capital together and taking jobs at one of the top restaurants in the city.

No. What made my stomach fill with butterflies was the fact that Justin had died right before we were supposed to move. And yet here I was, meeting him for tea. At 9:45 on a Tuesday night.

It’s not that I wasn’t used to seeing spirits. My grandmother had been a witch and was incredibly gifted with them. I had inherited some of her gift in my own magic. As an Elemental Mage, I had the ability to use all five elements: fire, water, earth, air, and spirit. The thing was that my spirit ability only allowed me to see spirit animals. Even at that, I could only see them when I altered my vision.

Seeing human spirits was completely new, and the first that had come to me was Justin. That was just a few months ago. He appeared at a quarter to 10 in the evening, just as I was getting ready for bed. I heard a pot fall in the kitchen and ran to check it out. When I saw nothing, I instinctively switched my vision, thinking a spirit guide had come to leave a message.

To say I was shocked at the initial sight of my dead best friend would be an understatement. And of all nights, my other best friend, and roommate, had been out for the evening. After about an hour or so of trying to come to terms with what I was seeing, I was finally able to calm down enough to talk. This is how our monthly meetings began.

I heard a rattle near the sink and turned around. Nothing was there. A second sound came from the chair beside me where I was setting down Justin’s favorite mug. The chair leg scraped against the tile and the mug rattled.

I shook my head and altered my vision. This required me to close my eyes and then open them slowly so that I could adjust to the differences, mainly the presence of the ghost now sitting in my kitchen.

“Do you have to do that?” I asked, folding my arms in front of my chest and raising my eyebrow.

Justin smiled, his eyes twinkling.

“What fun would it be if I didn’t make an entrance?” he asked mischievously. “I’ve got to let you know I’m here somehow.”

“There have got to be a hundred better ways,” I replied, my tone short. Even so, I couldn’t help but grin.

The kettle began it’s low, slow whistle. Moving quickly, I pulled it from the burner to avoid waking Sam. I turned to bring it to the table and noticed that Justin had moved from his seat to the doorway leading to the living room. He was leaned up against the frame, his hands in his pockets. I went to stand beside him.

“How’s Sam doing?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of our sleeping friend.

“He’s good,” I replied. “His sister had a baby recently, so he’s been playing the role of doting uncle.”

Justin chuckled. “I’ll bet he’s really good at it.”

“That kid will never want for love, that’s for sure,” I said. “Every time he goes over, he has something to bring. I’m waiting for his sister to cut him off. Otherwise, her house will be filled with toys.”

“Yeah, that sounds right,” Justin said with a nod. Then he turned his attention to me. “And how are you doing?”

We both went back to sit at the table. I dropped a tea bag into each cup and then filled them with the hot water. The entire time, I could feel Justin’s eyes on me, waiting for a response. After taking a sip from my mug, I finally met his expectant gaze.

“I’m, well, I’m okay,” I finally answered slowly.

“Just okay?” Justin asked. He tried to grab the handle of his mug, but his fingers went right through it. My eyes widened as I realized I’d forgotten to magic the ceramic for him. I touched it briefly and a shimmering aura, similar to the one surrounding Justin, appeared. He nodded his thanks and took his own sip.

“I mean, work’s going well,” I replied. “We had a new guy start on the line right after you and I last met up. Sam and I started hanging out with him. He’s nice.”

“Nice?” Justin asked, looking at me to elaborate. I wrinkled my eyebrows in confusion, which caused him to laugh.

“What do you want from me?” I asked defensively. “He is. He’s one of the first non-magic users I’ve met that didn’t think we were freakish. He treats me like a person and seems genuinely interested in getting to know us. He’s not scared of our abilities. In fact, he wants to learn more about them.”

“I’ve seen him,” Justin said nonchalantly, putting his mug to his lips again. “He seems very interested in you.”

“Okay, first off, you’ve been watching us?” I asked. “And secondly, what the hell are you talking about?”

Justin chuckled, almost to himself. “Yes, I’ve been watching you,” he admitted. “Someone has to. I like to make sure you’re alright. And you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. You’ve known him what, about a month now? I give it a least another week or so before he asks you out.”

“Justin,” I started, my voice low.

“It’s okay, Ame,” Justin cut in. “I say go for it.”

“Even if he were remotely interested, I don’t know that I can.” I looked down at the table and my hand went to the ring hanging on the chain around my neck.

I felt a tingle on my hand and looked up slightly to see Justin’s shimmering fingers resting over it. His thumb gently caressed the spot between my thumb and forefinger. I gave a weak smile and shook my head.

“I’m telling you,” Justin said a little more firmly, “it’s okay. I want you to be happy Ame. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, even if that meant it wasn’t me. And unfortunately, in this state, it can’t be me. I love you, but it’s time for you to move on.”

“I know,” I replied softly. “I love you, too. I always will. And I know I need to move on. It’s a scary prospect though.”

“I get it,” Justin replied. “Promise me you’ll try. As I said, I’ve seen the new guy. Owen? He seems like a decent guy. Give him a chance, for me.”

I sighed heavily. “I’ll think about it,” I relented.

“Good,” Justin said with a broad smile.

We sat quietly, sipping our tea and just enjoying one another’s company. After a few moments, I finally broke the silence.

“Have you visited your mom recently?” I asked.

“I have,” Justin replied. “She’s doing as well as she can, I suppose. She’s starting to smile a bit more, which is good. How long has it been now? The concept of time doesn’t exactly exist in the spirit realm.”

“Just over a year,” I said with a shudder, recalling the night Justin died.

“Wow,” Justin breathed. “It’s strange because it feels like just yesterday, but at the same time, it also feels like forever ago. At any rate, it’s just good to see her not crying. She’s starting to go out more and get back into the things she used to do. I went with her once to a meeting. You know, the ones they have for grieving parents? That’s how I found out.”

“You went to the meeting?” I asked. “Aren’t those kind of private?”

“They are,” Justin said, “but I wasn’t the only child there. There were at least half a dozen others. One was a young kid. That got me. He was hugging his parents so tightly, promising them he was okay and asking them to be happy. I think it’s times like those that we’re needed the most. You have no idea how many times…” Justin trailed off.

“What?” I asked, waiting expectantly for him to continue as I blinked a few tears from my eyes.

“You have no idea how many times I sat up with you when you cried,” he continued. “I’ve lost count. And when you’ve woken up from nightmares, I’ve been there, too. Every time. Wishing I could tell you that I was alright.”

“I think on some level, I knew you were there,” I said. “I don’t know how I’m finally able to communicate with human spirits, but I’m glad for it.”

“Me too,” Justin said. “I’ve missed being able to talk to you.”

Our conversation went on for a while longer. Justin told me about some of the things his sister was up to and what mischief his brother was getting into. I spoke a bit more about the restaurant and gave him some additional details about Owen. After a while, I began to yawn.

“Looks like that’s my cue,” Justin said, turning his attention to the clock on the oven.

“No, it’s fine,” I protested, fighting a second yawn that threatened to overtake me.

Justin looked at me sternly. “No, ma’am,” he said. “It’s time for you to go to bed. I’ve got to go check on the family anyway.”

We both stood up, facing one another. Justin rested his hand on my cheek. I placed mine over his and leaned into the tingling touch.

“See you again next month?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Justin said gently. “Tell Sam hello for me, okay? And seriously think about what I said. Give that Owen guy a chance. I think it’ll do you good.”

“I’ll think about it,” I promised.

Justin stepped back and I watched his ethereal figure dissipate into the shimmer of the air. I shut my eyes and adjusted my sight back to normal. Slowly, I opened them again and the kitchen was back to normal. When I turned to the doorway, I saw Sam standing there, right where Justin had been leaning earlier.

“Justin?” he asked sleepily.

I nodded. “He said to say hello,” I replied.

Sam smiled. “I miss that jerk,” he said with a rueful laugh.

“Me, too,” I said quietly, my mind mulling over the conversation we just had.

“You ready for bed?” he asked. I nodded. Sam escorted me to my bedroom and bid me goodnight before heading to his own.

After closing the door, I untucked the necklace from my shirt and looked at the ring on the chain. “Thank you,” I whispered. I clasped it in my hand for a moment, blinking rapidly to fight tears. Then I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed.