Change

For the longest time, my life was not fun anymore. God knows I tried, and believe me, I did ask Him. In return, He confirmed that I had given life all I could, but still, I lost almost all relevance I once had in this world.

For a very long time, I lived in that kind of house that every mortal soul would try to avoid. You know the type, broken windows, squeaking doors, an old tree in front of it with huge sweeping branches. The wind howling through the cracks in the walls as if the yeti himself was living there. Whether it was winter or summer, old leaves would be flying around, a single broken streetlamp decorating the sidewalk.

You’d think people would be afraid to enter this kind of ruin, that they’d be scared because they thought I would be waiting for them. Of course, I would be, but you’d better think twice if you believe that will scare anybody off in this day and age.

People don’t believe in the likes of me anymore. It was hard at first, that is true, and for a long time, I had forbidden myself to believe it, trying to ignore that cold reality that my time was over, but I have come to accept there is no way around it anymore.

I just do not exist in their world. Period.

They come, their phones held upright, ready to film whatever I might do without giving me any credit for it. A window that closes because I slam it shut, they film it and think it was the wind. Every creak, every shifting object within this house, they claim as the work of mother nature. An abandoned chair with three legs falling over, they record every damn little detail, but still, it is not me that caused this. It is the missing leg and gravity that did it.

It’s NOT!

Some weeks ago, a couple of them even got mad because I did not wait long enough for their cameras to focus.

‘What kind of ghost are you?’ they shouted and laughed. ‘How on earth can you expect us to make a perfect TikTok video if you just don’t wait for us to be ready before you do whatever you want.’

For a moment, I was completely startled by their reaction. I froze. I did not know I still could do that. That thought froze me again. It had been a while since I last experienced that state of immobility that prohibited my body from moving. Nowadays, those very feelings make me smile, but back then, I had no urge to put something that used to resemble a smile on whatever remains of that once good-looking face. And I was pretty handsome. Sorry to say it myself, but no one else is around anymore to confirm this.

When I finally recovered from my state of paralysis, I had a closer look at the couple that had entered that house. They did not look afraid at all. A GoPro in one hand, the man holding the latest iPhone in the other, the woman holding the most fancy Samsung, equipped with cameras I had never seen before. Multiple lenses pointing at me, it gave me the shivers.

They both had that look in their eyes that I have never come to terms with. Not in my former life, not since I have moved to the other side and people come and visit me less often, but still, I’m pretty allergic to that kind of people.

You have seen the type. They know everything. Just every single thing. They rule the world. At least, that is what they think they do. Most importantly, they don’t believe in anything they have not invented themselves or for which they have not found any proof in the pool of information they consider to be the truth. And nothing but the truth.

I don’t exist; I’m not there. They say. They honestly believe. Whatever happens in this house is the consequence of a natural action. Action and reaction. Newton’s law. Plain physics. That is what they believe. It makes their remark that I had to wait for them to get their cameras out a bit strange, but I have learned that there is no logic in this kind of people anymore, having lost every connection with the real world. They will say whatever fits their reason. No need to be … well, logic.

That makes it very hard for me. Because I’m not to be explained by any law of physics. I’m …

No, later. As I was saying, we were in one of the almost destroyed rooms, where I had done my best to convince them that it was high time to be scared, but to no avail. So, I decided it was time for something new. Next-level shit, as some people like to say. I don’t say that. I never did. Not back then, not now. I don’t believe in swear words. I was brought up to be nice to everyone. That’s how I always lived, but now I have decided that this does not apply anymore to those who came to visit me.

So I took a deep breath or something that came the closest to that physical action I used to perform on a somewhat regular basis, and stepped in front of them. I have been quite reluctant to show myself in the form and shape that these days is mine, but they gave me no choice, the anger coursing through me taking hold. You must know, anger has become a rare emotion since this house has become my home, all the more reason why it hurt. I am not supposed to become angry anymore. I have earned my rest and peace. I am not supposed to be bugged so much by those infidels who think they can barge in and ruin my peace of mind.

So, I stepped in front of them and did what I had been practicing for a long time but had not shared with any living soul yet. I showed myself.

For a moment the man and the woman stood still in the middle of the room. For a very brief period, something that - at least that is how it looked in my mind - came close to being scared was visible on their faces. Their breathing stopped. A sensation I vaguely remember. But then they restarted gasping for air. A good fortune I was never granted, but I have come to terms with that. They beamed with joy and excitement, a sight only further fuelling my anger.

‘This is it! We have found one. Yes, they are real! Told you so!’ he shouted. ‘Film it. Film it!’

What? It? Why do they refer to me as ‘it’? I’m not an it! I’m not that character from Stephen King! That is a whole other level of what is roaming around these places, and I don’t like those types. They are not nice. And when I say not nice, I mean really not nice. Once I saw an it-like type, it gave me shivers. I ran as quickly as I could. It was not exactly running I did, but you know what I mean.

But back to the story at hand. So they were thrilled to their … I don’t know what. They were laughing and clapping their hand with joy. Like little children, only they were old. Not as old as I am, but way past childish behaviour. They kept on going until suddenly they stopped. As if they had agreed to laugh for two minutes and then had to start doing something else.

By that time, I regretted so much I had shown myself to them, but I did not think of disappearing again. At least not yet. They stopped laughing, and before I could even say boo, they had pointed all of their devices at me. When I was still roaming around on the floors of this world, the cameras I knew could never make any clear picture of the likes of me. What evolution they have made! I could see myself on the screens when I flew around the place; it scared me. That was not what I wanted to do. My plan completely backfired. I know I said earlier that I used to be quite good-looking, but the image I saw on their tiny screens did not make me happy or impress me with its beauty. That was not the worst of it, however. I’m beyond being vain and feeling the need to worry about my looks, but what did bring quite some discomfort to my mind was that they still were not scared of me. At all.

They could not care less that some white, transparent … thing was floating around above their heads. And I did try to make my way around their stupid heads multiple times, but it had zero effect. They laughed and filmed. I floated around until I could not take it anymore. I was exhausted and hid myself from them. And you know what? They did not even notice! They were doing things on their devices, tapping on the screen, writing, and drawing. I heard them shouting that this was the best TikTok they had ever made. What the … is TikTok? They laughed this reel would bring them thousands of views and make them famous.

I have no idea what a reel is, nor who would be viewing them. I only know by now that many people did get to see me in some form and that this news spread far too fast and wide.

As said before, I’m not that vain anymore, but to be honest and without feeling the need to take any or too much credit for this, how could they say this without giving me any recognition for it? They weren’t even interested in me anymore. I just sat there, watching them, looking overly excited as I had never seen any soul in my entire existence.

Look, I don’t want to be childish about any of this, but still, that is not the worst. I know it is my fault, I should have known better than to show myself to this kind of people, but now the house I have lived in for … I think over a hundred years, is not mine anymore. It is constantly swamped with others who want to see me. It is haunted by men and women who want to experience firsthand what it feels like to see a ghost come to life.

Once or twice I have been tempted to do it again when some mortals who seemed okay came by and patiently waited. Especially when they genuinely looked scared. Those rare times, I wanted to go out in the open again for a moment. But then I thought to myself: don’t do this. They will film you like the others did, like those two zombies that started all this! Then, it will only get worse. Then, this house will be haunted forever, there will be no place for me anymore; only mortals will occupy every single spot.

No. It is over for me. I give up. I have to stop; I want to retire, although I do not know how. I did ask Him one of the last times we met. He just shrugged and smiled. He silently looked at me for a long time, and then, with a voice that was filled with pain, He said: ‘Now you know how I feel.’

I did not understand; I asked Him what He meant. He sighed and pointed over His shoulder to a man sitting in the chair to the right of His throne.

‘Once I showed myself to those people, not in person but through my son, and now those humans keep on haunting me and want to see me again. They will do whatever they can to achieve that. They start bloody wars and kill each other because they believe those actions will bring them closer to me.’

He shook his head; a sad look was showing on His face I had never seen before.

‘You should have known better than to show yourself,’ He continued. ‘Just as I should have known better. If I had stopped after having created this world and had left those humans to do their own thing without that constant urge to please me, everything would have been so much better. I did not understand that at the time, and maybe I have been subject to a little vanity as well when I created those humans in my image, but if I had known back then what I know now, I never would have let them know I existed. They would have been on their own, and I would have been at peace.’

He sighed and looked away. I wanted to ask more, but He clearly did not want to talk anymore. I felt sorry for Him. But then I thought: He really should have known better. After all, He is the creator of this all. If He can make this kind of mistake, why should I feel bad for doing the same but on such a small scale that it just does not matter in the bigger scheme of things? Not even a piece of dust in His story.

Suddenly, I felt better. If someone of His character and skills can make the same mistake as me, then I must not be that dumb after all.

I felt relieved, but the house I had called home for a very long time was not mine to live in anymore. It hurt, but I left the house and moved to another ruin in another town. It took a little while to get used to, but now I’m pretty happy, and I can tell you, I will never show myself anymore to anyone being so dumb to come in.

I don’t regret my stupidity anymore; I’m pretty happy again and live an easy … well, sort of life. It is good the way it is.

I remember the look on His face when I told Him that I had moved on. I felt surprised at the look of regret He showed; even a little jealousy was visible, I thought.

‘If only I could do this as well,’ He said. ‘But I made a promise to those folks.’ He grunted. ‘I would take care of them forever.’ He looked at me with a strange look in his eyes. ‘Forever is such a … long time.’ He banged his fists against each other, a lightning bolt landed on earth. ‘If only I knew someone who could change that.’