No Matter What(part 5)

CW: Language, underage drug use, mentions of underage s--, mentions of self harm and suicide, toxic parent

*Note, this is part five of my Cameron and Archer series. Please read at least Guardian Angel(part three) and Lucky(part four) before reading this.

Because of my personal beliefs and experiences, I'm listing this as creative nonfiction as well as speculative.

I'm also so sorry about this story- it has so much packed into it, I know.

I looked up at the Moon, feeling the bark of the trees beneath my feet. As I inhaled the fresh air, I smiled. It was such a beautiful night. I thought to myself. Despite it being in the middle night, I could see everything clearly too. It was as if it was day, but you knew it was far from it. The breeze blew through my hoodie telling me the shape of my body. It was relaxing. Calming. It reminds me of my first high.. I thought. 

My brows scrunched up in confusing seeing a few of the trees twist and turn. I feel my heart drop in my chest as the ground disappears, and soon. I was falling.. It didn't hurt, and I wasn't afraid, yet I still ended up screaming. Those trees- the ones that were twisting and turning… They turned into a house. The forest that was above me, outside of this dark hole I was inside of got darker.

It lost it's magical touch, and soon. The forest was just.. Gone. I felt something leave my body just then. "Tenshi-" I start to call out. Who was that?-

My eyes started to water. My body got sudden flashes of hot and cold. Like a good high. I thought, just making me feel even more tears come from my eyes. I take a deep breath of air before closing my eyes.

That house appeared in front of me. Everything was black and white. I shook my head. No. Leave- I gasped feeling the core of my being yanked towards the house. No! Stop- "No!" I bark. I hovered above the floor, staring at the bed with horror. "Stop-" I shook my head. "Stop, stop!" I pulled my hands through my hair. The pain distracted me.

Until I noticed the kid, of course. I turn around, looking at him closer. His eyes were dead, and his hair was a mess. I gulp. No. The soreness turned into an explosion of pain in the back of my head and naturally I called out in pain. The pain, just as quickly as it appeared, disappeared. I looked at the kid. He sat down on the bed in the room. My room. My shoulders dropped. "No.." I whisper.

My jaw and fists clench. Horror grew within me as he looked at his wrists, and the little drawer belonging to his nightstand. I remembered the wires and kitchen knife that were within it.  Don't do it. I thought to myself. I knew he end up would, but I kept repeating it in my head. 

This image changed. It contained the same boy, and the same room. But he was two years older now, and there was a girl with him. I hugged myself, feeling everything get scratchy- especially my throat. And even though this was my memory, and I knew everything that happened after she clung onto his arm I felt like vomiting. It felt like I was watching something I wasn't supposed to. That I was invading someone's privacy, so like anyone would.. I turned away from the two. 

I ended up seeing that boy again. He was thirteen now and screaming at his mother. I remember this… I thought. His mother- my mother, screamed back at him. However soon, she just.. Shut up. I thought I was going to collapse. I remembered this all to well. She was born yesterday- I pause. The day before that fight.. I didn't hold her when she was born. I deflate. I was too busy getting high that night.

Too busy to go visit my girlfriend. Too busy to go spend the night.. Too busy to see and hold her. I fell to my knees, ignoring the pain that blossomed within them as I cried. I was too busy to see my baby!

When I let my arms fall, I was greeted with that boy- fourteen year old me, punching someone in the face. The other kid kicked me, and I just continued hitting him, and hitting him.. "Call her that again! I fucking dare you!" He screamed- I screamed- as a teacher pulled him- me, away. The other kid stood up, and like I was watching a horror movie, my eyes were wide and I continued watching with a morbid interest. The kid's nose was busted, bleeding. He was holding his stomach.

"Don't say anything Willia-"

"Your bitch- is a fucking whore." He spat. Younger me broke out of the teacher's grasp lunging at him. 

"You fucking bastard!" I flinched seeing the other kid's head hit the wall, and once more.. The scene changed.

Younger me was sitting in a chair looking at the principal with tired angry eyes. "This is your sixth fight this month, Archer.." She says folding her arms. "You agreed that you wouldn't do anything stupid." My mother huffed, looking at younger me with a look that screamed 'I should have put you in military camp, or left you'. "Because of this, and your history." She paused giving my mother a look. "You're expelled." She said at last. I remember the flash of fear I felt before shrugging it off.

My mother acted like it wasn't that big of a deal. Not in front of the principal at least. When we got home, younger me got a yelling at. I got so high that night. So fucking high.. So stupid.. I thought with a cry.

The scene changed yet again, and I was sitting on my bed. My phone was in hand. Just stop- I cried. "Just stop." I saw younger me scrolling through his phone, passing the time. I was pulled next to his side. I recognize that platform… I thought with furrowed brows. 

Sixteen year old me did this for almost an hour. Until I got- he, I corrected, got a notification. Naturally, as any teenager would, he clicked on it. My eyes widen. Holy shit that's a long message. I thought to myself. I looked at the person's name, who sent it. Tenshi. I froze. Tenshi?- That name- Younger me inhaled sharply, making me draw my attention back to him and the message. I froze, my chest tightened, and just like younger me. I cried.

It was basically a suicide note. By a twelve year old who smiled, laughed, was realistic yet optimistic- Everything about this Tenshi, came rushing back. Including new memories- the ones in real life too. "Cameron-" I whisper. The scene changed once more.

I wandered the city of white and pastels, seeing bright orbs with sharp things coming out of them. Instead of being afraid, I opened their appearance with open arms. One of them let out a small hum, hovering over to me. I stood straight, squinting my eyes to protect them. "yOudoNTBelONGhEREarCHEroFAMEricAWashINGtoN." I reeled back in confusion. I felt a warmth spread inside of my chest.

Trees sprouted from the ground, flowers and vines popping out of the ground. I stumbled to the side as a root rumbled from out of the earth, knocking me off my feet. "CArfulYOunGARchER.." The being said. I looked up, noticing it farther away. The trees seemed to let out a howl, however to the sudden cold I felt, I knew it was from the wind. I tilted my head, opening my mouth to speak but the strange being moved side to side. I seemed to knew it was shaking it's, head. I screamed.The warmth got hotter. I started falling. Then burning. So much burning- my head, my lungs, my wrists, my legs- everything fucking burned. 

I shot up from my bed with a small scream. Immediately people crowded around me. "No!" I barked, smacking them away. 

"Don't worry- Archer, is it?" One of them said. I froze. I looked at them, panting. It hit me that I was in the hospital. I opened my mouth to speak before my head felt like it was gonna explode.I held my head. "You were hit in the back of the head, at a certain house with a friend of yours.. Do you remember?" The man asked. I give him a thumbs up, still cradling my head. "Okay, that's good." He says. He sat on one of the chairs besides the bed I laid on. "Do you remember what exactly happened?" I laid there for a few minutes before opening my mouth to speak. "No- save it for the investigators." He says with a hand up. I froze, and him and the rest of the hospital left my room. Tenshi. My eyes widen. 

"Tenshi!-" I bark. "Where are they?" The doctor looked at me, confused for a moment before he let out an "Ah"- figuring it out.

"You mean Vic." My brows furrowed but when he gave me a small descriptor of them, I agreed. "Vic's safe, at home I belive. Don't worry." He says before returning to what he was doing. I nustled deeper into the bed, pulling the covers up. Of course, one of the nurses came into the room with a cup of water then. However nonetheless I got up. I was so fucking thirsty. I chugged the damn thing. She laughed.

"I'll get you some more." She says with a soft smile.

"A cold towel too?" I ask nervously. She nods with an "Of course." before going off on her way. Knowing she was a nurse and had more important things than water to hand over- I laid back down closing my eyes. 

I quickly opened them feeling a spark of fear show itself. I roll my eyes at myself before closing them again. The same thing happened. Immediately I sat up, completely. To say I was confused, was an understatement. Maybe it was because I was laying down? I thought, closing my eyes once more. The fear simply grew, and so my eyes shot open. I felt my lip twitch in annoyance. 

Why can't I just sleep- I stopped, remembering the burning. I gasped as everything else hit me. I looked towards the door, which would let you leave my room. I honestly think I've never felt so afraid. 

My fear calmed down a considerable amount when I saw that nurse chick make her way to my door. When she entered the room, I smiled. "Thank you." I say, she nods, setting the towel at the edge of the bed, and the glass of water onto the bedside table.

"Of course." She looks at me. "Is there anything else you need, Archer of Washington?" She asks. My chest dropped. She smiled, but this time, her teeth were showing. I inhaled sharply. 

"What the fuck? What the fuuuck?" I whispered. She laughed softly. 

"I'll take that as a no." She says with a small nod. And just like that- she disappeared. She fucking disappeared- just like that. 

"What the fuck?" I laughed nervously.