A Greeting from the Edge of the Universe

As an intern for Area 51, I’ve seen a lot of strange things. A lot of strange things. I’ve learned to expect the unexpected. Even before I got here, I’ve been doing research on extraterrestrial life, since the summer before I started high school. I remember being bullied for being obsessed with aliens in middle school, so the research stayed classified. My own way of showing that I wasn’t crazy. Sure I probably seemed as crazy as the Ancient Aliens guy Giorgio A. Tsoukalos (who ironically works here in the history department). I got a degree in physics and minored in history, just to be taken seriously. I used that information to draw up new theories on different alien species, as well as explain some of their ships. I struck gold when my Ph.D. application essay about a proposal for a colony on Mars, which detailed the ship to go there and equipment for exploration, somehow got the attention of the government. I didn’t know it at the time, but my interview for my Ph.D application was actually a job interview. I should have known something was up when the questions went from basic interview questions to questions I didn’t see anyone on Reddit or anywhere really mention during their interviews. How on Earth am I supposed to know how to answer “What would you do if an unknown person offered you a can of cranberries and told you to run?” (The answer, I found out after I got this internship, is basically you’re supposed to run and plant the can of cranberries near any bare tree, as a peace offering for Pluto mites) I found out I got this bizarre internship I never even applied for via a USB delivered to my house, that played a hologram message followed by dudes in a black van hauling my ass to a secret building. They sat me down in front of an blue humanoid alien while I was still in my cat themed pajamas, and told me that I unknowingly wrote schematics for the blue guy to go home. I accepted, thinking the $100k yearly package was a lot, but now I realize I think I deserve a little more considering the shit I deal with. And well, I am good at this alien stuff. I’ve been offered a permanent position once I do get my Ph.D. And possibly give up my sanity.

Which brings me to today. 7 months in. 5 more to go. Me and the blue guy are friends, I call him Blueberry because I still don’t know how to speak Martian and can’t say his Martian name right (I’m nearly fluent in a different alien language though). I thought I had finally gotten used to this job. But this? Not expected, not in a light-year.

“Hey intern, you good?” the spaceman tapped on the glass, “Are you done?”

I blinked, realizing I was frozen for a solid minute, and clicked on the microphone button. “A few more minutes please.”

“I’m stuck in my underwear, and I know that there isn’t a lot of attractive people around here like me, but I really prefer being in clothes.”

I rolled my eyes and pressed a button that released pollen. Human men suck… even if they’re from the edge of the freaking universe.

That’s right. When this guy landed on this facility, we simply thought he was some astronaut from a foreign secret organization. Sure he was taller than half the guys on the NBA teams and had eyes that changed colors, but human. We even scanned his DNA. 98% human. The missing 2% is what triggered us to put him the chamber to figure out how he ticks. They put this task on the intern because everyone else didn’t want to and told me since I’m the intern I can handle an almost completely normal human.

This dude isn’t normal.

And I’m the only one who knows why.

Sure he’s sneezing like crazy at the pollen like anyone during allergy season.

But this man? Never been on Earth. Knows at least a dozen languages, including my mother tongue Kannada. His eyes weren’t some side effect of unknown particles like everyone else guessed (its happened once or twice to people who were sent out to space). His eyes being able to change color in fact comes from the 2% non-human DNA.

DNA that is made of DARK ENERGY.

It took me a whole 104.5 hours to decode that, comparing to other aliens, running different tests several times. Its dark energy, the stuff that makes up the universe.

“Please tell me this part is done!” He whined, his eyes blue. “I’ll tell you more, I promise!”

“This part is done, I’m going to have you hosed down and dried. Then you can tell me how you came from the edge of the universe.”

“I’m guessing you actually believe me this time?”

“You could say that… I still don’t understand how part if you is literally dark energy.”

“I prefer the term cosmic,” he said with a wink, eyes dark purple. “You can call it whatever you want hot-” I hit the button, releasing a shower of water from the top of his containment unit, cutting him off. Why was I expecting a spaceman to not have a huge ego? Wishful thinking. Well actually most of the aliens I’ve met are humble, and some of the other people who work here, and many of them have like 4 Ph.D’s.

“Miss Sitara, Dr. Kennedy wants to speak to you,” a woman with porcelain skin and a blond ponytail, said, halfway through the door. “And it sounds pretty urgent. Bring pretty boy here too.”

“Carrie, hey, uhh did Dr. Kennedy finally read my message?” I asked, exasperated.

She closed the door behind her, “Yeah, I know how that is. I was an intern a while back, he didn’t even bother to know my name until the Christmas party, after trying out my gingerbread cookies.”

“He doesn’t know my name, he either calls me the intern or Smithy, probably ‘cause he’s lazy to learn my Indian name.” I mumbled the last part.

“Yeah uhh, anyways, whats with the urgency? I wasn’t even allowed to see the memo, no one saw it. I don’t think I’ve seen him this spooked.. like ever.”

“Ummm…” I looked at him and then the binder full of notes and then at Carrie. “This may or may not be Level 9 clearance…”

“Level 9? Are you sure?”

“I’ve memorized all 10 protocols for levels of clearance for information. What I found here… I-I don’t think either of us would be even allowed to know this before Dr. Kennedy and the other cabinet members have even laid their eyes on it.”

“Hey,” the spaceman whined. “I’m a person, not an it!”

“I’m talking about your DNA and stuff, spaceman.”

“Did you like what you saw?”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyways-”

“Sitara, what do you mean DNA?”

“Why don’t we get spaceman in some clothing and head on over…”

———————

“Hey space dude,” Carrie started, once we were in the elevator. “Do you have a name?”

“I’m waiting for someone to guess correctly.”

“Hmm okay…”

“I noticed none of you lovely ladies nor any ladies here have swooned at me. Aren’t I considered an attractive male?”

Carried and I looked at each other and then at him. He has lightly bronzed skin, dark hair that brushed the nape of his neck, and muscles that slightly protruded from the plain black shirt he was wearing. His eyes were right now the color they usually are, dark green, though they did just flash grey and then dark purple for a few seconds. Sure he could easily be a Calvin Klein model but…

“I don’t know where you get that idea but its not the most common thing for people to swoon at very hot people, it happens but not a lot,” I answered. “But y-yeah I guess you’re better looking than most human guys I’ve come across.”

“You guess?” he crossed his arms, eyes grey. “Wow I need to understand Earth culture better,” he turned toward Carrie. “What do you think?”

“I agree with her.”

“What?”

“I mean… yeah you’re pretty good looking… but I’m gay so no swooning coming from me anytime soon.”

“You can’t be gay!” his eyes widened, his eyes going becoming grey again. Weird.

“Oh God,” Carried rubbed her forehead. “Don’t tell me somehow you’re homophobic after being out there-”

“What no,” he chuckled and shook his head. “I meant- I’m not really used to your slang I guess… I thought gay was referred to only men.”

“Oh, yeah I guess nowadays its an umbrella term.”

“Sitara right? So you don’t like men either?”

“If you’re trying to ask me if I’m gay, I’m not. I don’t really care for gender, and I’m asexual.”

“Hmmm… I need to find women who are attracted to men. Sexually.” He smirked at both of us, eyes bright red. Carrie and I looked at each other and shared the same “Ugh, men” glance.

Ding! “Aaaaand that’s our floor.” I announced. The floor seemed empty, unusually devoid of busy people, all the offices of the cabinet members are here after all. I paused at Dr. Kennedy’s office’s door, ready to knock on the stainless steel door, but Carrie pointed down the hall with a similar door. “Everyone is in there, waiting for you and this douche bag.”

“Everyone?” exclaimed, ignoring spaceman’s “Hey!”

“Yeah well the entire cabinet and some people with level 8 including me-something wrong?”

I looked at spaceman, whose eyes flashed deep orange. Maybe his eyes describe his emotions… like mood rings. “I really think I need a one-on-one with Kennedy first… He knows the space stuff best.”

“Sitara, c’mon, the suspense is killing me.”

“Yeah, Ra-Ra!” Spaceman said smugly.

“Ra-Ra?”

“Space guy, no nicknames, Sitara focus!”

I put a hand on Carrie’s shoulder. “Dude, you’d lose your shit.”

“We’re in Area 51, how crazy can it get, truly.”

I opened my mouth, but spaceman responded instead, eyes yellow, “Its the reason I came to you guys in the first place. I don’t know why you guys gave her,” he pointed to me, his eyes turquoise. “Someone who clearly is on the lower part of the hierarchy, but clearly very knowledgeable and the only one who heard me out, tasked with interviewing me. I’ve been here what 7 days, of your Earth time, and no one has taken me seriously, except for this fine person-”

“Hey you three-” Dr. Kennedy started to scold, bursting out from the door, but stopped once he saw me. “Oh my God, Sitara Rao just the person I was looking for!!” That is the first time I’ve heard him say my full name correctly.

“Dr. Kennedy, I-I take it you read my message.” I felt my voice go up an octave.

“Yes and-” He saw Carrie and the spaceman. “You didn’t talk to anyone else right?”

“No, umm what I messaged you stayed between me and spaceman here.”

“Oh this is the spaceman?” Dr. Kennedy looked at him up and down. “He looks so…”

“Normal? Yeah,” I pointed to the tag on the spaceman’s neck, my voice returning to normal. “But this is him.”

“Wow,” For the first time since I got here, Dr. Kennedy looked flabbergasted. He rubbed his surprisingly intact grey hair and adjusted his glasses. “Um okay… I’m glad you followed level 9 protocol… Jesus I- Maybe I shouldn’t have called this meeting, maybe I should have talked one-on-one…”

“Dr. Kennedy, what did you tell everyone else?” I asked, anxiously.

“I just said that the new alien- well human… just said it’s urgent,” he sighed. “I can’t believe you were able to decode the 2% of DNA we couldn’t read, I mean seriously an intern decoding dark energy-”

“Hold the phone, DARK ENERGY? THE ENERGY THAT MAKES UP THE UNIVERSE?” Carried shouted. “How in this God-forsaken universe did a man from outer space get DNA from DARK ENERGY?”

“Carrie,” Dr. Kennedy answered calmly. “Please calm down. I think we’re quite late for the meeting, lets all head inside. Sitara, I need you and spaceman front and center.”

————

The silence was deafening. There’s 45 people here, and just 10 minutes ago, half the room laughed at me for saying the spaceman is from the literal edge of the universe. The other half argued about mathematical and physical practicalities. Then they started laughing too when I mentioned the dark energy DNA. That was until I presented all the evidence. Even Dr. Kennedy had stood up, walked over to the projector, and pointed to the DNA sequence then at the sequence of dark energy molecules. It was then everyone took the intern seriously for once in their lives.

“All this fuss about dark energy in my DNA,” spaceman started, his eyes turning yellow. “No one is even asking about my human DNA. I’ve never been to Earth, but I gotta know, what part of Earth is my human DNA from?”

“It was hard to place,” the head of genetics stood up to answer. “We think Middle Eastern or African. Not confirmed though.”

“Its actually pure Mesopotamian.” I squeaked into the mic. “If you trace farther back-”

“That can’t be-”

“She’s right,” Spaceman said, his elbow on my shoulder. I tried not to twitch. “We’ll discuss that later but my creators saved DNA from ancient Mesopotamian people.”

Everyone whispered questioningly about “creators.”

“Settle down, please!” I called out. “I’ve confirmed what he said was true. Before I mapped out the dark energy DNA. I didn’t find a lot, but there’s a file on his ship, batches of DNA from different eras of different societies of people. And before any one tells me there’s no evidence, feel free to check a batch marked ‘Mongol Empire 13th century.’ And this time,” I turned to the genetics department. “Go back far enough, don’t use calculations from today.” The head of genetics, Dr. Leroy scribbled down something on his notepad. “I’ll discuss the creators shortly. The matter of spaceman never being to Earth can be proved by testing the bacteria from his body. Things that any full grown human would have, he does not, because his biome is comparable that of a newborn. However, he has bacteria that does not exist on Earth normally. Like bacteria that thrive in either extreme heat or extreme cold.”

“But why?” someone asked.

“Maybe the edge of the universe is surrounded by extremes. Extreme heat, extreme cold, etc.”

“Its great,” spaceman said sarcastically. “Though we don’t actually get exposed to the environment outside. We tend to stay inside.”

“Inside what?”

“We have essentially a moon sized ship. Like that one planet destroyer in that space documentary. Star something.”

“That’s not a documentary…” I mumbled. I turned my attention back to the audience. “Anyways, this is all what I’ve learned so far. Any questions? I don’t really know uh too much else but I can uh clarify anything.”

“How did you know this DNA is from dark energy? DNA and Dark energy molecules are very different.” Someone asked, a scientist from the space-plant biology department asked.

“I have a good understanding of both physics and biology, and evaluated dark energy molecules with his DNA,” I pressed a button on my iPad. “I’ve sent the work to everyone, if you want to evaluate it.”

“How did you guys not know that I have DNA from dark energy?” spaceman asked, hands on his hips and eyes grey. “I mean you literally have someone here with dark energy DNA. And I know because I used my sensor before I was put through testing.”

“What?” I asked, looking at him incredulously. “How come you didn’t mention it before?”

“I thought you of all people knew. It didn’t seem relevant to mention since I thought you knew. I thought that’s how you figured it out?”

“N-no I don’t go around sequencing human DNA. I’m just an intern. Besides, everyone who even steps inside Area 51 gets their DNA analyzed. Your sensor might be wrong, because-”

“No he’s right, someone here does have some dark energy in their DNA.” Dr. Leroy said, standing up. “I’m looking at the sequencing here, and I’ve seen part of it in someone else. I thought because it was unrecognized simply due to error but after your evaluation of his DNA, it makes sense.. but-”

“I remember this,” Dr. Kennedy chimed in. “It wasn’t concerning at all… there were no abnormal signs…”

“Really?” I looked between both scientists, a look of recognition passing between them. “I hope its okay with whoever has this dark energy DNA, but who here has it?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” spaceman said, with a smirk.

I looked at him quizzically. “No?”

“Its you.”

I froze. Me? “You-you’re wrong. I was born here on Earth, I grew up here. T-there’s people who have w-w-witnessed my birth, including my parents, who are definitely human and are also from E-earth- I can’t possibly have dark energy DNA? My eyes don’t change color like yours and-and there’s confirmed records because Area 51 and pentagon do extensive background checks.. I mean they even found the time I bought the entire Percy Jackson series at a school book fair when I was five, and that was with cash. I- I don’t understand.”

“He’s right,” Dr. Leroy said. “I haven’t re-evaluated everything but you definitely have dark energy in your DNA. None of us will force you to go through testing, but we think you should. Discussions need to be made, but you’re welcome to evaluate anything that you can yourself, so long as there’s records and witnesses, of course.”

I simply nodded.

“Well, now that that’s out of the way…” spaceman stepped closer to the mic and scanned the audience. “I’ll tell you why I’m here.” He cleared his throat.

“The planet is going to-”