THE CHINESE DELEGATION VISITS THE WHITE HOUSE

(With Acknowledgement to Abbott and Costello)

The Chinese contingent visiting the White House, made up of current and past leaders:

Xi Jinping (Paramount Leader)

Hu Jintao (Paramount Leader 2004-2013)

Wen Jiabao (Premier)

Hou Guofeng 

Wat Lien Chan

Yu Kuo-hwa 

He Zhao Ziyang

The American president is given a thorough briefing prior to such a high-level meeting to acquaint him with the very important attendees.

American President: “Bob, what’s on the agenda this afternoon?”

Advisor to the President: “Sir, you have a very important meeting with the current and past Chinese leadership. All the most senior political persons who rule China will be in attendance. You will be discussing many critical issues regarding bilateral trade and world peace.”

President: “I see. Well, who will be in attendance?”

Aide to the President: “Yes, of course.”

President: “Bob, I asked, who will be in attendance?”

Aide: “Yes, Hu will be there.”

President: “That’s what I’m asking you. Who will be there?”

Aide: “Yes, definitely.”

President: “Bob, I’m just asking you, who will be at the meeting? Just tell me, who will be there?”

Aide: “Yes, Mr. President, Hu will be there.”

President: “Bob, why are you asking me? I’m asking you.”

Aide: “And I’m telling you. Hu will be there. Xi will also be there.”

President: “Who?”

Aide: “Yes, and Xi.”

President: “She who?”

Aide: “Yes.” 

President: “No, I’m asking you, she who?”

Aide: “Yes, absolutely. Xi will be there. In fact, Xi will be the head of the delegation.”

President: “She?”

Aide: “Yes.”

President: “Bob, I just want to know, if she is the head of the delegation, why can’t I know her name?”

Aide: “Who?”

President: “She.”

Aide: I’m telling you, the name is Xi.”

President: “Bob, I’m not understanding you. Look, this meeting, it’s going to be when?”

Aide: “Oh, no, not just Wen. Hu will be there. So will Yu and He.”

President: “He? Who is he?”

Aide: “He is one of the prior prime ministers. A very revered man in China."

President: “He?”

Aide: “Yes.”

President: “And what is his name?”

Aide: “Who?”

President: “He.”

Aide: “That’s his name.”

President: “What?”

Aide: “Oh, yes, Wat will be in attendance.”

President: “Who?”

Aide: “Wat. Wat will be there.”

President: “That’s what I’m asking you. Who will be there?”

Aide: “Of course.”

President: “Of course what?”

Aide: “Yes.”

President: “Wait a minute. I’m just not getting this. Just tell me in simple terms. Who will be at this meeting?”

Aide: “Yes, absolutely.”

President: “So, he will be there?”

Aide: “Yes, He will also be there, along with Yu.”

President: “He will be with me?”

Aide: “No, not with you. He will be with the Chinese delegation, along with Yu.”

President: “Bob, what is going on here?”

Aide: “No, Wat is not going on here. Wat will be with the Chinese delegation.”

President: “How and when will I understand this?”

Aide: “Well, I think Hou and Wen have their own problems to deal with.”

President: “I’m just not quite getting this. Well, whatever. Let’s get this meeting started. Please invite the Chinese delegation in to the Oval Office.”

Aide: “Very well, then. Xi is going to come in first and have a few words with you privately. Then the remainder of the delegation will enter.”

President: “She who?”

Aide: “No, just Xi. Hu will be waiting outside until you invite them in.”

President: “Who will?”

Aide: “Yes. And Wen.”

President: “I’m not sure. Whatever time you advise.”

Aide: “Time for what?”

President: “Time for when to invite them in.”

Aide: “Well, Wen will not invite them in. You will invite them in.”

President: “Invite all of them?”

Aide: “Well, not all of them. Xi will already be in the Oval Office. At the time you invite them in, Hu will enter, along with Yu.”

President: “Wait a minute. How will I come in? I’m already in.”

Aide: “You won’t come in. Yu will come in, along with Hu.” 

President: “Bob, I’m just not quite understanding all this. Just go ahead and invite them in.”

Aide: “As we discussed before, Xi will come in first.”

President: “Whatever. I’ll be here waiting. Although, to be honest, I didn’t realize China had a woman leader.”

Aide: “Mr. President, they don’t. Xi is a man.”

President: “Ahhh, I see. One of those! OK, no problem. I’ll play along with it. I guess the Chinese have to deal with the same woke nonsense we have here in the USA.”

Leader Xi enters the Oval Office, and the American president rises to greet him.

Aide: “Mr. President, it gives me great pleasure to introduce Paramount Leader Xi Jinping.”

President: “Greetings, Mr. Ping, and welcome to the United States. Just wondering, where’s Mr. Pong? By the way, that’s a joke.”

Aide: “Um, excuse me, Mr. President, the Leader’s first name is Jinping. His formal name is Xi.” 

President: “Ah, I see. Yes, I recall you mentioned that. Well, OK, ‘She.’ Just to let you know, we here in the United States have fully accepted alternative pronouns. We strongly believe you can call yourself whatever you wish, depending on how you identify." 

Paramount Leader Xi: “It is an honor to meet you, Mr. President. Now, if you don’t mind, I will have Hu join us."

President: “OK, I give up. What is the name of the man joining us?”

Xi: “No, Mr. President. Wat is going to wait outside. Hu will come in now.”

President: “You got me! But you’re free to invite anyone in your entourage into the meeting."

Aide: “Mr. President, I will invite Hu in. I believe Yu will also join us in a few minutes, and Wen.”

President: “Well, I’m already here, so you don’t have to wonder when I will arrive. But I’m certainly happy to meet your entire team. By the way, I would like you to meet my Secretary of State. He’s Blinken.”

Xi: “Well, by all means, if he is that eager to meet us, we would be happy to see him. And we certainly wish him a quick recovery from his eye problem.”