ACT 1: THE FOREST AND THE VISION
The mist clung to the trees like whispered secrets, curling around gnarled roots and weaving between the ancient oaks. The air shimmered with unseen forces, the scent of damp earth mingling with crushed herbs and wild blossoms. This was no ordinary wood—it was a place of old magic, where time twisted and the veil between worlds thinned.
Elaine knew this forest as she knew the rhythm of her own breath. It was sacred, untouched by the march of men who now built their stone temples and preached of one god. Here, the Old Ways still pulsed beneath the soil, their power ancient and unyielding. She knelt beside a shallow stream, her fingers trailing through the water, feeling the song of the land in the current.
Then she felt it—a shift in the air, a ripple in the unseen. A presence.
She rose swiftly, her fingers curling around the carved wooden pendant at her throat. He had come.
---
Sir Edric had ridden hard, his armor caked with mud, his blade heavy at his side. The battle had been swift and merciless, a skirmish against raiders at the kingdom’s border. The wounds were shallow—scratches along his arms, a bruise forming beneath his ribs—but exhaustion weighed him down.
Somewhere along the way, he had lost the path. The trees had thickened, the air had turned dense, and soon, the world around him had shifted into something unfamiliar. He should have turned back, should have called upon his god for guidance, but something deeper, something unspoken, had driven him forward.
And then he saw her.
She stood across the clearing, barefoot upon the moss, her long hair spilling over her shoulders like woven dusk. A simple gown of deep green clung to her form, the color of leaves after rainfall. In the dappled light, her eyes held the depths of the forest itself—dark, knowing, unfathomable.
The moment their gazes locked, something unseen passed between them.
Elaine inhaled sharply, a vision striking her like a blade of ice. She saw him not as he was now, but as he would be—a man torn in two, bound to a world that would never accept him, reaching for something he could never hold. She saw a child, small and fragile, its fate tied to theirs in ways neither could yet understand. She saw the parting, the mist swallowing all that was and all that could have been.
She took a step back.
"You should not be here," she said. Her voice was steady, though her heart had turned traitor, pounding against her ribs.
Edric did not move. "I am lost."
Her lips pressed into a thin line. "Perhaps."
He frowned, unsure if she spoke of the forest or of something else.
The silence stretched, thick with something unspoken. The knight was not as he had expected—there was no scorn in his eyes, no disdain for the wild places of the world. And yet, she knew what he was. A servant of the new faith. A sword sworn to a cause that sought to erase all that she was.
Still, she stepped forward.
"You are hurt," she murmured, her gaze flickering to the dried blood at his temple.
"It is nothing."
A lie. She saw the way he held himself, the tension in his frame. But more than that, she saw the weight he carried, the battle that warred beneath his skin.
"I will tend to you." The words left her lips before she could reconsider.
She should not do this. Should not let him any closer. And yet, the vision burned in her mind—the child, the mist, the parting. She did not know when or how, but she knew with certainty: this man was bound to her, as the stars were bound to the sky.
Edric hesitated, his knight’s training warring with the pull in his chest. He had been raised to see her kind as dangerous, as relics of a past that must be buried. And yet, he felt no danger. Only something else. Something unnameable.
At last, he nodded.
---
She led him deeper into the woods, to a glade where the world felt untouched by time. The air smelled of crushed lavender and sage, the wind carrying the faint whisper of an unseen chorus.
Elaine worked in silence, grinding herbs into a poultice, pressing it to his wounds with practiced hands. He should have flinched, but instead, he found himself watching her.
"You know what I am," he said at last. It was not a question.
Elaine’s fingers stilled. "Yes."
"And yet you help me."
A pause. Then: "You are not the first knight to bleed upon this land."
He studied her. "And how many have you saved?"
Her gaze met his then, steady and unreadable. "Not as many as I have lost."
The weight of her words pressed between them. Edric felt it—the ghosts of battles fought long before his time, the wounds left by men who bore crosses upon their chests and steel in their hands. And yet, she had not turned him away.
"Why do you serve them?" she asked suddenly, breaking the stillness. "When they seek to erase all that came before?"
He should have answered without hesitation. Should have spoken of duty, of faith, of the oaths he had sworn. But instead, he found himself saying, "Because I was told it was right."
Elaine tilted her head, studying him. "And yet, you are here."
He had no answer for that.
The silence stretched, thick with something unspoken. The world around them felt suspended, as if it, too, held its breath.
And then, softly, she said, "I saw you before you arrived."
His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
Her fingers curled around the pendant at her throat, her expression shadowed. "I see things," she admitted. "Visions. Threads of what may come."
His chest tightened. "And what did you see of me?"
Elaine hesitated. She should not tell him. Should not plant the seed of something that must never take root. But the weight of fate pressed upon her, demanding to be spoken.
At last, she whispered, "A path you cannot follow."
Something inside him twisted. "And if I tried?"
She exhaled slowly, as if she had already mourned what could not be. "Then you will break."
The words settled between them, an unspoken warning, a prophecy wrapped in sorrow.
And yet, neither of them moved away.
The night deepened, the stars overhead burning like silent witnesses. Somewhere in the distance, the mists stirred.
The path had been set.
ACT 2: THE VISION AND THE FALL
The first time Edric sought her out after that night in the glade, he told himself it was only to give thanks.
He was a man of duty, bound by his vows, and yet something in him had shifted. The sacred grove lingered in his mind like a half-remembered dream, its silence more profound than the chanting of any prayer. The wound she had tended had long since healed, yet he felt an ache beneath his ribs that had nothing to do with flesh and everything to do with her.
And so he rode, following an unspoken pull, until the mist thickened and the trees whispered secrets in tongues he could not understand.
Elaine was waiting for him.
"You should not have come," she murmured, her gaze heavy with something unspoken.
"And yet I am here."
He stepped closer, watching her as one watches the edge of a blade—drawn to its beauty despite the knowledge of its sharpness.
"You walk between two worlds, Edric," she said, searching his face. "One will claim you in the end."
"You speak as though I have no choice in the matter."
A ghost of a smile played at her lips. "We all believe we have a choice. Until we do not."
The words unsettled him, but he pushed forward. "Then tell me my fate, priestess. Show me what I cannot see."
Her fingers tightened around the carved pendant at her throat. She should not do this. She should let him leave, allow the world to take him as it would.
And yet.
Elaine stepped toward him, lifting a hand to his forehead. At her touch, the world fell away.
---
Visions did not come to her like dreams, soft and half-formed. They struck like lightning, searing through the veil of time.
Edric stood upon a precipice, a sword in one hand, an oath in the other. Two paths stretched before him—one paved with duty, the other with longing. He reached, but his fingers found only mist, slipping through his grasp no matter which way he turned.
Beyond the mist, a figure waited. A child, neither fully of this world nor the next. Small hands reached for him, eyes dark as the deepest woods. And then—
The mist thickened. The vision shattered.
Elaine gasped as she pulled back, her breath unsteady.
Edric caught her wrists before she could turn away. "What did you see?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
His grip tightened. "Elaine—"
"It is not your path to know."
Fury flickered in his gaze. "Then why show me anything at all?"
She wrenched free, turning away, her voice taut with something perilously close to sorrow. "Because you asked."
---
The rumors reached him days later.
A witch in the forest. Whispers of unnatural things, of shadows moving where none should be. The church was restless, the bishop himself voicing concerns of corruption in their ranks.
Edric knew what they meant. He knew who they meant.
The warning was clear—stay away, or risk being caught in the fire that would surely come.
And yet.
The night of the summer solstice, he found himself riding toward the mist once more.
---
The celebration was like nothing he had ever seen.
Deep in the heart of the forest, the old ways still lived. Figures danced around a great fire, their voices raised in a song older than any psalm. Fragments of a forgotten tongue wove through the air, stirring something in him that had long been buried.
And then, amidst the flickering light, he saw her.
Elaine stood at the edge of the firelight, clad in deep crimson, the color of embers before they fade. Her hair tumbled down her back in wild waves, her eyes gleaming like dark water beneath the moon.
She saw him. And she did not look away.
Neither did he.
The space between them was vast and yet nothing at all.
He moved first.
She did not stop him.
The firelight kissed their skin as he reached for her, fingers tangling in her hair, breath warm against her lips. There were no words, no vows, no confessions—only the weight of the moment, the breaking of restraint, the surrender to something neither could name but both had known from the moment their eyes first met.
The mist curled around them as they fell together, binding them in a veil of what was and what could never be.
---
She felt it before he did.
As dawn broke, as the fire dimmed and the world returned to itself, the call came.
It was subtle, a shift in the air, a whisper beneath her skin. The veil was thinning. The time was nearing.
Elaine curled her fingers against Edric’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm beneath her ear. She did not wake him. She could not.
He had given her one night.
She would give him silence in return.
The mist stirred beyond the trees, waiting.
She closed her eyes.
ACT 3: THE VANISHING MIST
The Empty Dawn
Edric woke to a silence that felt unnatural, as if the very earth held its breath. The warmth beside him was gone. The place where Elaine had lain was cold, the imprint of her body already fading. A weight pressed against his palm—a small, smooth object. When he lifted it to the weak morning light, he saw an amulet of woven silver and stone, ancient in craft, humming faintly with unseen power.
His breath came sharp, his mind sluggish with disbelief. He called her name, once, twice, but the grove swallowed the sound. Rising unsteadily, he stumbled through the undergrowth, his boots trampling the wildflowers that had once seemed to bloom in her presence.
She was nowhere. The mist clung to the trees, denser than before, its eerie stillness a veil he could not lift. He shouted until his voice grew hoarse, pleaded with the unseen forces that had taken her.
Rage came first—wild, helpless fury. He cursed the gods, cursed fate, cursed himself for allowing his heart to weave into something he could not hold. Then came despair, deep and endless, like a knight kneeling before an empty altar. But as the sun rose and the mist began to thin, something steadier settled within him. He pressed the amulet to his chest, gripping it as though it were the only proof she had ever been real.
If the old ways had stolen her, then perhaps they would return her. If she had been taken beyond his reach, then one day, he would find her again.
The Weight of Judgment
The world outside the forest was not kind to grief.
Edric returned to his duties, but the lightness he had once carried—the certainty of his place—was gone. Whispers followed him like ghosts. The village murmured of strange lights in the woods, of a woman with eyes like the deep earth. They spoke of enchantments, of temptations, of wicked things that led righteous men astray.
The church took notice. His absence had been noted, his distraction seen. The elders called him forth, their gazes heavy with suspicion.
"Your soul wavers, Sir Edric," one of them said, his voice smooth as polished stone. "We see it in your eyes, in your silence. Have you walked too far into the shadows?"
Edric did not answer. He did not trust his voice to hold steady.
"You must atone," another commanded. "To be reclaimed in the sight of God, you will take the rites of purification. And you will renounce whatever spell lingers upon you."
He could see the hunger in their eyes—not for truth, but for proof. Proof that their faith was unshaken, proof that they held dominion over the souls of men.
But Elaine was gone, and with her, any certainty he had once possessed. He nodded, giving them the answer they sought, but in his heart, he swore a different vow.
The Hunt Begins
The rumors swelled beyond murmurs. Superstition turned to fear, and fear to action.
A group was sent to scour the woods—a band of men with torches and sharpened blades, seeking the witch that had ensnared one of their own. They would find no one. Elaine had vanished beyond their reach, and yet Edric’s blood ran cold at the thought of their hands tearing through the sacred places where she had once stood.
At night, he returned to the grove, desperate for any sign. He found nothing but the wind whispering through the trees, the scent of damp earth, the echo of a memory that would not fade.
Until, one evening, he saw her.
Beyond the Veil
The mist was thick, unnatural, rolling in from the trees like a tide. Edric had been about to turn away when movement caught his eye—a figure, faint and shifting, at the edge of the haze.
His breath caught.
Elaine stood beyond the veil of mist, her form half-hidden, her golden hair catching light that did not belong to this world. She did not move closer. She only watched him, something unreadable in her expression.
He stepped forward, his hand outstretched. "Elaine—"
The mist curled between them, thickening, drawing her further away. A whisper rode the wind, too soft to grasp, and then—she was gone.
He fell to his knees.
The mist did not lift for hours.
The Prophecy of the Child
Edric did not know how long he wandered, only that when he finally stopped, he was no longer alone. An old woman sat upon a fallen log, her face a map of deep lines, her gaze knowing.
"You seek what is beyond your grasp," she murmured, stirring the embers of a fire that had not been there moments before.
"You know where she is." His voice was hoarse.
"I know many things," she replied. "But what I know most is this—what is lost is not truly gone."
She tossed something into the fire—a sprig of dried herb, perhaps, or something older. Smoke curled upward, shifting, forming the shape of a child standing at the threshold of mist and sun.
"A child will walk between worlds, born of two paths, of two truths. When the time comes, they will mend what was broken."
The vision flickered. The fire burned low.
Edric swallowed hard, his mind spinning. "A child—?"
But when he looked up, the woman was gone, the fire nothing but cold ash.
The Parting Mist
He stood at the edge of the forest, where the mist still lingered, where the world seemed thinner. The amulet lay heavy against his chest, warmed by his touch.
Perhaps Elaine was truly lost to him. Perhaps she had stepped beyond where he could follow.
But somewhere, beyond the veil of mist, there was a child.
And one day, that child would return.
As the wind stirred, carrying whispers of things yet to come, Edric took his first step back into the world.
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I loved the feel of the ancient surroundings! The forest was a natural place, that harbored magic, and the knight was a rugged, determined man. The fair woman behaved with an uncommon wisdom and a special aura, that quickly captured my imagination. The peaceful imagery of the glade led to the coarse logic of the conversation, between the knight and the woman. I was enchanted by the woman's premonitions! The story unfolded with expressions of an awkward relationship. Delights of the romance continued until the prophecy, of the child. I loved the suspense, and the implications of danger. I would have liked to read more details about the kingdom of the knight and the mysticism of the woman. Additional narrative might have made the story into a novella or a novel.
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Hi Natalia,
I must agree with others who say your writing paints a graphic and beautiful picture. You have an impressive vocabulary that brings your story to life, and though the fantasy genre is not my favourite, I continued to the end of your story just to continue enjoying your prose.
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Edric should follow the amulet to get back to Elaine. It feels like a cross of Romeo and Juliet but instead of being from rival houses his religious order is wiping hers out. There’s a hint of Underworld to that but more subtly done.
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I enjoyed this story for all the reasons already mentioned! Great job. As a reader, I was a little distracted by the subtitles in Act 3, like The Parting Mist and Beyond the Veil. I don’t think that’s typically done with short stories, but this tale definitely has legs & you can expand upon it, if you want to : )
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I enjoyed reading your story. I love the description of the forest, the dialoges and the world you created for your characters. Good job, I look forward to your next work:)
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Thank you! I'm thrilled you enjoyed the story! I'm especially glad you connected with the forest, dialogues, and world. And your saying you look forward to my next work? That's the best! Thank you for your support!
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I loved the world you created and your descriptions are amazing. Great job!
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Thank you! I'm so happy you connected with the world and the descriptions. It's always my hope that readers can really see and feel it. Your feedback really makes that feel true.
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I was gripped from the beginning to the end. I think that you are very talented indeed.
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Thank you! Knowing you were gripped the whole time makes me so happy. That's what I always hope for. And thank you for the lovely compliment, it makes my day!
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An impressive fairy tale written by a very talented author.
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Thank you! I really appreciate your kind words. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the fairy tale.
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I was gripped from the beginning, enjoying the imagery but also wondering at what was to come (Oh, the possibilities!) as the story unfolded. I think you have the groundwork for a longer (epic?) novel here.
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Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the imagery and the sense of anticipation. And your comment about an epic novel? That's incredibly flattering! It's wonderful to know the story resonated with you that way.
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My favorite part: "He studied her. "And how many have you saved?"
Her gaze met his then, steady and unreadable. "Not as many as I have lost." "
It's like everything was moving very quickly and then froze for a moment at that point and you could feel the knight contemplating his own survival.
I love stories with this kind of old gods vs the new setting,,,a very Norse feel and you recreate it well. I know this is a short story, but I would love to read "the rest" and discover all the parts left unsaid.
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Thank you! That quote is one of my favorites too, and I'm so happy it struck a chord with you. I love that you felt the knight's contemplation. And yes, there's so much left unsaid in that world! Your enthusiasm for 'the rest' is incredibly motivating. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
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The mist, smoke, moss, forest, etc. all described so as to make a very mysterious setting! The end definitely feels more like a beginning of more stories. I hope to read more!
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Thank you! I'm so glad the mysterious atmosphere came through. And you're right, the ending was definitely intended to feel like a beginning. I'm thrilled you're interested in more stories – that's incredibly motivating!
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Very well written. You've mastered the are to showing rather than telling.
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Thank you! I'm really glad you recognized the effort I put into showing rather than telling. I appreciate your kind words
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A story for the senses. Your depiction of the forest makes it feel as if the reader is there. I enjoyed the climax and denouement that answered some questions, but posed more. Great work.
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Thank you! I'm delighted you felt immersed in the forest. That's exactly what I hoped to achieve. And I'm glad the ending sparked more questions than answers – sometimes, the lingering mysteries are the most engaging! Your kind words mean a lot.
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I also enjoyed the visual aspect of this story very much. Sometimes, I will take one of my short stories and create a short film script from it, not to have it produced, but to cull the unnecessary descriptions that sometimes appear in my work. This can help focus the story and refine it even further.
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Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. And I loved hearing about your script technique. It's a great way to see your story in a new light.
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It is a beautiful and well-written story. While you read the text, you slowly can see the animation appearing in your mind. It is as if I am reading a screenplay. You should continue with the story and turn it into a fantasy novel (or thriller, but that depends on the story arc).
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Thank you so much! I'm delighted you found the story so visually evocative and that it felt like a screenplay. That's a huge compliment. I really appreciate your encouragement to continue the story and turn it into a novel. It's definitely something I'll consider!
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I love how much you followed the theme, yet describing - showing rather than telling - the love story between the two, who are worlds apart.
The supernatural feel of both worlds, of Elaine's powers. It's intriguing. I was looking forward to when he'd find his beloved and love how much you gave an open ending. Well-done, Natalia. I loved every part of this. Your writing style is incredible.
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Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you appreciated the theme, the "show, don't tell" approach, and the supernatural elements. I'm especially glad the open ending worked for you. And thank you for the lovely compliment about my writing style! Your kind words mean a lot.
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Incredible story of two drawn to one another, yet destined to be apart.
I thoroughly enjoyed your descriptive writing style. I was easily able to envision your characters. Well done.
One line that stood out to me, was "We all believe we have a choice. Until we do not."
That line struck a chord with me.
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Thank you so much! I'm really glad you connected with the story and the descriptive writing. And I'm especially pleased that the line "We all believe we have a choice. Until we do not" resonated with you. It's a theme I wanted to explore, and I'm happy it struck a chord. Thank you for your thoughtful feedback!
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Loved the descriptions of the world, felt very whimsical and ethereal, with this mood reflected even in the phrasing, which felt very poetic at times. I liked the structure of the piece with the acts, I think it was a very unique approach and worked well with the pacing. You have really created a world, not just characters and moments. My only suggestion would be to not repeat the phrase "heavy with words left unsaid" in what felt like every meeting between characters. Very well done (:
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Thank you so much! I'm delighted you connected with the whimsical and ethereal atmosphere and the poetic phrasing. I'm also glad you appreciated the structure and pacing. And you're absolutely right about the repeated phrase! That's excellent feedback, and I'll definitely be more mindful of repetition in the future. Thank you for your kind words and the helpful suggestion!
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This is lovely! Your writing is beautifully descriptive and evocative, bringing all of the senses into play. Wonderful job with keeping a sense of mystery and intrigue, of desire, despair, and hope. I'd love to see where you go with the prophecy of the child. How would the bridge the gap between worlds? How would they mend the rift between the old religion and the new? And how bloody would that change be? Awesome story!
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Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you enjoyed the evocative descriptions and the sense of mystery. I love your questions about the prophecy and the potential for conflict. Those are exactly the kind of "what ifs" that keep me thinking about the story. I really appreciate your enthusiasm and insightful feedback!
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I really loved the descriptions and your world-building! You have a talent for setting the scene. My only feedback would be to remove some descriptions from the dialogue, they serve a purpose well but feel slightly overdone. Which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just something that maybe you can play with to see if the quickening of the dialogue helps your narrative flow more naturally. I really enjoyed this piece, you’re clearly very skilled!
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Thank you so much! I'm really glad you loved the descriptions and world-building. Your feedback on the dialogue is excellent and very helpful. I appreciate you pointing out the potential for pacing improvement by streamlining the descriptions within the dialogue. I'll definitely experiment with that in future writing. Thank you for the kind words and the insightful feedback!
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