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Adventure Funny Fiction

***Just letting you guys know that if you see spelling mistakes when the children are counting, it's intentional :) ***

Plan A: Threaten the children

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I love my vacations

And if you talk to me before I get one I will smack you

Makenna looked over it with appreciation, before turning to four demons at her feet, aka, her children. They were staring up at her with adoring eyes, and although she loved them with all her heart, she wanted, no needed, this vacation. 

The past few years, she had been at the beck and call of her two sons and two daughters, ages five to ten. She had been peed on too many times to count, barfed on more times than she would have liked, been frazzled, frustrated, and embarrassed more than she would ever care to be, and even though in her heart of hearts, she loved every minute of it, she was ready for a vacation. She had wanted to go to Curaçao for the longest time, and had decided she would as soon as possible. 

The only problem was breaching the subject to her four kids. So far, it was presenting a problem. Hence the plans. And the blatant threat hidden in a card for Children’s Day. If one didn’t work, she had a lot of backups. Gently, as if she was lowering a carcass to rabid wolves, she gave the card to her oldest. Shouting, screaming, clawing, and biting ensued, as each one wanted to read the card first. Makenna sighed as the torn pieces of paper fluttered to the ground. There went Plan A. 

Plan B: Hide from the children

“Okay! Count to one thousand!” Makenna yelled, running down the stairs. She was enacting Plan B which was to hide from her demon kids. She only forgot one thing. They were ages five to eight, they didn’t know how to count to one thousand. 

“One, two, three, four, fourteen, twenny, twenny-fourteen, thirty-five, sixty-seventeen, seventy-” Her three oldest started chanting, each one trying to outcount the other. 

“FOUR HUNDREND TWENNY!” Her youngest interrupted, and then it was chaos. From her hiding place in the linen closet, Makenna facepalmed. Plan B? Shot to hell. Back to the drawing board it was. 

“SIXTY HUNDREND AND SEVENTY-FOURTEEN!” 

“Oh for the love of-” Makenna grumbled, standing up and walking out of the closet. Her kids trampled down the stairs, jumping on her. 

“We found you! You weren’t hiding properly.” Her oldest, Michael said, gleefully prancing around. 

“Yes, you did. Now go play with your legos or something,” She said, sighing as she trudged back to her office. 

Plan C: Force the children to stay away

“Listen to me. If you don’t let me catch a break, I will ground your butts until next year. You understand me?” She threatened, wagging her finger at her four kids, lined up next to the kitchen table. They stared at each other and then up to her, eyes wide.

“Does that mean...like in a month?” Her middle son, Jake, whispered. Makenna’s eyes shot to the calendar hanging above the sink. Indeed, it was already November 24th. Dang it. She sighed. 

“Yes, technically, but-” She started, but her kids didn’t hear her. They whooped and ran circles around her, screaming and chanting and laughing to each other. Double damn. This was not working. 

Plan D: Run from the children

“LOOK MOMMY’S IN THE BEDROOM!” Michael bellowed, and four steps of footsteps drummed overhead. Makenna, safely downstairs, smiled gleefully to herself. She had recorded a video of herself singing, and put the phone in the bedroom, so her kids thought it was her. She tiptoed to the front door, but ran down the hallway when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. 

“She’s not there!” Her middle daughter, Liz, said happily, “Is she playing hide-and-seek again? This is fun!” She squealed, and Makenna, from her hiding spot under the formal dining table, heard the four of them split up, all the better to hunt for her. 

She waited until the coast was clear, then she ducked out from under the table, and ran to the front door. She was about to open the door when she stepped on one of Michael’s lego toys, and for the love of all that is holy, it hurt. Hopping up and down, she tried to muffle her groans of pain, massaging her hurt foot. It wasn’t even the big piece, it was a small one that just stuck to her painfully. She was plucking it out, when she fell over the umbrella stand, crashing to the floor. Her kids fell silent, and she held her breath, hoping, praying-damn. They ran down the stairs.

“MOMMY!” Michael yelled, zooming his lego Death Star around her head. She moaned and thumped her head against the floor. This was getting to be too much. 

Plan E: Sell the children

“No, you cannot do that.” Her husband, Nick said, plucking the phone from her hands, effectively ruining her plan. Damn it. 

“But I need to!” She cried, trying in vain to grab the phone. No such luck. He was simply too tall. Resisting the urge to stomp her foot, she let out her breath in a huff and turned away. “Traitor.” She muttered, marching away and into her office. Time for Plan F. Which is F for Frick, it's already come to the 6th back-up plan

Plan F: Make the children-

“Mommy, we have a surprise for you!” Her youngest announced, barging into Makenna’s room. She looked up from her notepad full of scratched out plans for Operation: Escape, and narrowed her eyes on the package in Julia’s hands. 

“What’s that?” She asked cautiously. For all she knew, it could be another prank.

“We got you sometching. '' Julia proclaimed, handing over the envelope. With all the grace of a starving grizzly, Makenna ripped open the paper. Gasping, she drew the tickets out of the envelope and read the details. 

“You...got me plane and hotel tickets to Curaçao?” She whispered reverently, looking at Julia. Her daughter giggled.

“Of coursh, mommy. Well, daddy hewped, but we all shaw how you wanted a vacashion.” She said. Makenna sat back in her chair, and giddily twirled around. This was why she splurged and got the swivel chair. For moments like this. She laughed, her mind filled with images of hot rock massages, spa days, sleeping in, and the endless hours on the beach. Curaçao, come to momma. 

Makenna leaped up from her chair, and pressed a kiss to Julia’s hair. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She chanted, racing out the door, almost flattening her other three children, all of whom were pressed up to the door, listening in on her conversation. Laughing, she gathered them all to her and kissed their foreheads. “You don’t know how excited I am.” She said, laughing. Running into the kitchen, she jumped on Nick and hugged him tightly, almost knocking him over. 

“I take it you’re excited?” He asked, chuckling. She nodded so hard, her neck hurt. “And look, you didn’t have to sell our children to get it.” He added. She grinned. 

“It almost came to it.” She admitted, and they both smiled at each other. 

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go pack!” He said, and she jumped off him and ran upstairs to their room. 

Plan F: Reward the children for being great kids

Makenna relaxed on the beach in Curaçao, feeling all her troubles melt away. This was exactly what she needed. A well-deserved vacation from her family, to recharge her batteries and get back her life. The sun beat down on her, and she closed her eyes. Heaven, this was. Complete heaven.

March 02, 2021 15:04

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2 comments

N S
19:20 Mar 19, 2021

Love the intentional mistakes

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Sid The Sloth
12:59 Apr 19, 2021

Thank you!

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