CatWalk

“I will never understand why I must go on walks with you. It is quite unseemly.”

“Don’t be silly. You know they only want us to be one big happy family. We must do things together and be close to one another. You are much too self-centered, you know. And we both could use the exercise, if you don’t mind me mentioning it.”

“Me?! Ridiculous. I am a large cat; I’m not supposed to be skin and bones! I simply know what I deserve and wish that this family, as you call it, would understand that I deserve much more than a companion like yourself.”

“Okay, Ms. High and Mighty. What makes you a better pet than me?”

“I would think that would be so obvious that you must be quite dumb not to see the differences!”

“Dumb? Nope, not me. I graduated from obedience school. Maybe not at the top of my class, but I know all the signs. I know almost twenty words that our family says. That’s pretty good!” 

“Why, oh why, am I talking to you? There you go; there’s one reason the differences are so blatant. There is absolutely no reason to try and figure out the strange way these humans talk! They need to learn our signs, our language. It would make things so much easier. I would not have to keep reminding them of their duty.”

“Their duty? What are you talking about? Don’t you want to make the family happy? That’s why they have us!”

“Make them happy? Why in this feline-dominated world would I want to do that?”

“Feline dominated? What does that mean?”

“I’m a cat, you fool. I should know better than to try and make you understand. Dogs are servants; that’s where your place is. The pecking order, you know. Just look at yourself; there’s dirt between your claws and small mats around your ears, I see.”

“It’s almost time for my grooming appointment, I’m sure. I will be all spruced up in no time. You don’t even go to a salon as I do!”

“It’s because I prefer to groom myself and do an exceptional job. I am perfect in every way; I meticulously groom my entire body twice daily. Just look at me; I’m the most exquisite cat around. I know how to care for myself; you can’t keep yourself clean; you prefer to roll in the dirt!”

“Oh yes, I do like to play in the dirt! Such fun! And the little humans like to play outside in the dirt, too!”

“Listen to you, acting as if they prefer you to me. I try to avoid them if at all possible, of course, but sometimes I do allow the human girl to carry me around in her little riding thing. It puts me to sleep sometimes. But I ensure they know I am to be petted and fed only the best food available. They need to learn their place in a cat’s world at an early age. Humans have done well in their training; my bed is comfortable, my food is delicious, and I can sleep and demand attention when required. I still don’t quite understand why they have you, but I suppose that is something only the silly humans know. I, of course, allow it. It saves me from having to deal with them all the time.”

“I want to be with them all the time! I miss them when they’re gone, don’t you? I want to make them happy; that’s very important, don’t you think? I’ll do whatever they want me to do if I can!”

“You’re pitiful; you know that? Well, I suppose you are lucky to have a human family that doesn’t have the terrible traits I have heard about. You know some families treat their servants terribly; I mean, they hit them and do terrible things to them, sometimes leaving them outside without water in the heat for hours and hours, sometimes days!”

“Oh no, that can’t be true. Humans are wonderful; they love us and take care of us.”

“Not always true, Dog. I don’t know any cats that have suffered the abuse I’ve heard about, but I have some friends who own other humans in other houses and have told me horror stories about how their humans torture the servants – dogs like you. Some humans aren’t as trainable as ours, Dog. Remember that. You are lucky. Being so inadequate, you are lucky to have a place to live that provides shelter and food. You seem to be happy, also.”

“Oh, I am, I am. I love my family.”

“Well, you are simple, so there’s that. When you’re fairly dumb and have such slovenly grooming habits, it’s a miracle you have a home at all. Many like you don’t, you know. Lots of dogs roaming the streets with no home, eating out of trash bins, running from those big metal things that run fast upon the concrete trails.”

“There are cats out there, too, that don’t have a home. It’s sad for the dogs and cats.”

“Yes, I suppose it is. But it must be the dog’s fault, and yes, I suppose even the cat on the street. They didn’t prepare themselves to be the lady of the house as I have, and the dog, well, if you don’t show your worth and have some pride and prestige, there is simply no way a dog can ever become lady or lord of the house.”

“Don’t you think it was just luck that put you where you are? What makes you different than other cats?”

“I was born to be a lady of the house! My tom and my dam were excellent cats and gave me the pedigree necessary to place me in my position!”

“So, the cat born in the barn doesn’t get the same treatment you do?”

“Why are you looking at me like that? It’s not my fault if some cats weren’t born as I was. Besides, cats always come out on top. We can take care of ourselves much better than dogs. You don’t see a lot of dead cats on the side of the road, do you?”

“How horrible to say that! Why do you hate me so?”

“I don’t hate you! I have no reason to feel anything about you. You are not like me.”

“No, I guess I’m not. It is sad, though. Maybe not thinking about me at all is worse than hating me. At least I could try to make you feel differently, but if you don’t feel anything, there’s nothing to change.”

“You are certainly strange, Dog. Here, we are home. I must groom myself. I enjoyed the fresh air, of course. But it does muss my fur. 

“You are both very wrong.”

“Hello, Bird! It was such a wonderful walk. I am so happy that our humans like to take us. Cat does like it; she doesn’t want to admit it.”

“I could hear the both of you from far away. We are all pets, you know. Even you, Cat.”

“What are you talking about, Bird? You know nothing about cats.”

“I know that you are also a pet in this house. I am a pet, Dog is a pet. We all live in this home together. It will be a much nicer place if we all try to understand each other and be nice to one another. The humans would like it very much. I get quite tired of flying away whenever you’re around, Cat. Dog never chases me.”

“It is my nature to chase you, Bird.”

“Yes, I suppose it is, as it is my nature to fly high and see everything from above. But I cannot do that here. So, since my nature is impossible to attain, why should yours be so easy?”

“I am a cat. I am the lady of the house.”

“You only think you are the lady of the house. It is up to the humans to decide whether to feed or shelter you. They could easily throw you out, and then you would not be the lady of the house.”

“Bird, I don’t want to talk to you any longer.”

“Of course, you do not. It is not as you want it. You do not want to see the truth. Dog is simple; you are correct about that. Because he is simple does not mean that he is ignorant. He loves and tries very hard to make his humans happy. I suspect he would also like to make you happy if you were his friend.”

“I said I don’t want to talk to you any longer.”

“Cat, you are not bad. It is in your nature to be a certain way. Be open to other ways, though. It is not only cats that are important. We are all important, and we all have roles to play.”

“Bird, why are you so smart? I’ve been trying to talk to Cat all day, but she doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Dog, I think it is not that Cat doesn’t want to talk to you; I think it is because Cat doesn’t know how to talk to you as Cat doesn’t know how to talk to me. How about it, Cat? There has to be a better way for all of us.