Othering Alan

The sky had decided there was nothing left to say. I was making tea alone in my kitchen when I began to feel very sad and my neck started to tingle, and I knew the experiment was over. I flipped the kettle off and skipped over the pots and ephemera cluttering the floor, swinging out the door towards the little curls of smoke rising from the forest. Forgetful as always, I made it to the treeline before remembering the bucket of water I needed to put the fire out. 

It took me quite a while stumbling through the undergrowth to reach the impact site. It was not a large flame. I didn't need to worry about the forest burning down or about my skin getting too toasty. Besides, I had my fireproof gloves on, so the only danger was the asbestos, and I was breathing only slightly heavier than usual, so my lungs were not in terrible danger. I picked out my spindly little machine, setting it on a clear spot a few feet away. The outside coils of colorful wire pulsed red with heat, but I was confident the core would be intact. After rushing through putting out the fire, I opened my overalls to let my tools fall out and crouched to get to work.

Unfortunately, I was interrupted. Someone else must have seen the device falling out of the sky, so I found myself in the company of a park ranger. He shined a flashlight in my face and I recoiled like an animal, shielding the machine with my body. It emanated an unpleasant warmness that tickled my back. 

“Good evening,” I said. This was not what I needed. I was not scared, per say, but he was quite a bit larger than me and had an intimidating looking baton strapped to his hip. Besides, I desperately needed to get my satellite back to the cabin. 

“Do you have a permit for setting a fire outside of a designated campsite?”

“No, but I didn’t set this fire. It fell from the sky, you see.”

“No, I mean, we did see a foriegn object fall just a few minutes ago, but it’s still park business. I’m gonna have to ask you to step aside.”

“This is my project.”

“So you did set this fire?”

“No, that’s not what I said.” I stood up, grabbing a few tools on my way up, most of which slipped out of my shaky hands. “Things, when they fall out of the heavens, generally catch a bit. The air gets very hot, you see. I sent the thing up, but the friction set it on fire. I put it out, anyway. I’m not sure why it should matter.”

“What matters is that there was an uncontrolled fire in a state park.”

“Hm. Well I can’t help you with that.” I looked into his face before turning to leave, and to my surprise, I recognized him from a very long time ago. “Oh, my, you’re Clark Arthur, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, reading my badge won’t help you get off. I’m gonna have to take you back to the ranger station just to ask you a couple questions, sir.”

“No, no, we went to highschool together. I’m not sure if you remember this, but we were lovers.” I was glad to remember. I had been terribly happy with the relationship, although in retrospect he had been a little distant, which didn’t bother me as much as it might have.

“Pardon?” He looked very scared and a little shocked for a minute, and then his eyes widened. “Oh- you were- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s okay. We are friends, so surely you can understand that I need to leave with this satellite and get back to my house to continue my experiment.”

“Jeez, I never thought I’d run into you creeping around a park at night, and looking- well, you know, like this. If I was going to guess what you would have been doing it wouldn’t be… whatever you’re doing.”

“I have lived an interesting life, to be sure,” I admitted, and stooped to pick up the device. It was still a bit hot. 

“No kidding.”

We both paused for a second. I was the first to speak.

“Au revoir, and all that.”

“No, no, no matter what’s happened, I can’t let you go like that. S-sir, you’re gonna need to hand that over and take a ride with me.”

“Fine. I trust you, Clark. But be careful! There’s very valuable information stored on there.”

I made sure he strapped the machine into the back seat, and I kept my hand on the metal case the entire ride. He told me he missed my long hair, but I didn’t remember having long hair. It is a sad thing to lose your memory, and I was particularly bad at holding onto details, especially about myself. I knew I was small for a man and my hands were medium-brown under the oil, but I didn’t use a mirror all that often. Now, my work was easy to understand. Just braiding of wires and a little coding, nothing to it. Easy enough to talk to aliens. I told him as much.

“You talk to aliens?”

“With my device. I need to get back to my cabin to open it as soon as possible to see what they’ve said.”

“Do you live on park land?”

“If that’s the way you’d like to look at it.”

“You know that’s against the law, right?”

“I wasn’t aware.”

“You’re a strange one, now, huh?”

“I think I was always strange.”

He adjusted the rear-view mirror and I could see his eyes tighten at the corners. Maybe he was a little mad, but I just folded my hands in my lap politely and turned to casually glance out the window. The trees blurred together, interrupted by occasional patches of flowers yellow enough to be visible in the scant moonlight. It reminded me of the years that had passed, without me even really knowing. I was not usually very poetic, but I guess I was in a sappy mood. 

“What’s your name, now, again?”

“Alan. You know this. Alan, one L.”

“Uh huh. It’s nice to see you again… Alan.”

“And you yourself.”

“When’d you start, hm. Dressing like this?”

“The overalls are to keep the oil off and the gloves are so I don’t get burned. Usually I just wear a t-shirt and jeans, like a normal person, I guess.”

“Yep. Uh, you never could grow a beard when we were together.”

“I take medicine.”

“I see. So you’re not totally isolated.”

“No, I have my doctor, and a couple acquaintances at the clinic. Plus the aliens, but they’re different. People kinda stopped talking to me after highschool, which is sometimes how it is.” I didn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know why. Made it easy to move into the woods, though.”

“Is it always the same aliens?”

“Yes. Even aliens are picky about who they talk to.”

“Well, I didn’t know.” He tapped the steering wheel and we thumped over a speed bump pulling into the ranger station area. “You know, I’m willing to learn about you, and your life, if you tell me. I’m always reading the right news, and-”

“They don’t talk about aliens on the news, the scoundrels.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

He slumped in his seat. “Never mind.”

We trotted into the ranger station. I was allowed to hold my device on the condition that I didn’t bolt. The lights were off, which meant Clark’s partner had gone home for the night. He said she was young and often wandered off when he wasn’t watching her. He motioned for me to sit in a room with two chairs at a squat table. I kept the satellite close. He flipped on an old fashioned tape-recorder.

“I’m gonna have to ask you a few questions. Routine procedure. First, easy, what’s your name?”

“Alan E. Kennedy. Same as always.”

He grumbled and switched off the recording. “Do you- do you not remember being Lizzy?”

“No, I remember. I just don’t like to think about it.”

“I still thought of you as a girl until today, so this is a little weird, you’re going to have to bear with me.”

“Seems like a personal problem.” I checked my nails, my fingers bent.

“How long have you been Alan?”

“My whole life.”

“No, when we dated you were a woman. A female. Elizabeth.”

“That’s not how I remember it.”

“Did the aliens put you up to this?” He took my hand. “Do you need help… Alan?”

“No, thank you. Frankly, I don’t want to talk about it.” I could feel my face fall, and I examined my shoes. “I can show you their message, if you like.”

He turned on the recorder. “This is Ranger Clark Arthur, with Alan E. Kennedy, who is suspected for intentionally starting a small fire on public land without a permit. Now, and forgive me for breaking routine, the suspect is going to present the object that allegedly caused the fire. I am allowing this.”

I opened the machine. It sputtered and sparked a little, but I was still able to read the monitor. “Huh,” I said. “Well that’s exciting.”

“What does it say?”

“They’re coming.”

Clark covered his mouth and sat down. “Not for a little bit, don’t worry,” I assured him.

“We’ve got to notify the government, I have to make calls-” 

“No time for that. They’ll be here in a half hour.”

“I thought you said we had time!”

I felt a sudden sweetness in the pit of my stomach. “Enough time to talk.” I hoisted myself up onto the table and kicked my legs gently while Clark buzzed around the room, checking the cheap protocol posters for some guidance on what to do. 

I pointed out the window. “Calm down a bit. Let me sketch it out for you. You’re going to see a light, I think, and then we’re going to have a nice chat with them. They’re nice. I haven’t lied a bit about them. Far nicer than humans.”

“Alan, this is very serious.”

“It doesn’t need to be. Not everything needs to be serious, you know. Sometimes you just need a friend.”

“Okay, okay.” He held his hands out in front of his face. “Okay.”

I gestured for him to sit on the table with me, and he did so. We stared out the window. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk or not, but I was happy being with him. It had been too long. He was still very beautiful and the blue moonlight shined off his hair like the sunset off the ocean, which gave me terrible, burning nostalgia. I had been happy back then, but was I happy now? 

I broke the silence. “What have you been doing all these years?”

“Oh, you know. Waiting around in the woods.”

“For what?”

He shrugged.

I rubbed my hands together. The sky was still dark as ever, so there was no telling when our visitors would get here. “Same as me.”

“Are we going to die, Alan? Be honest.”

“No. You’re sillier than I am.”

“I’m easily scared,” he squeaked.

“I remember.”

“I didn’t do everything I wanted to. I wanted to have a family!”

“You’re not going to die.”

“How do you know?”

“I may not know much about you, or the woods, or anything else, but I know that it’s going to be alright.”

He didn’t respond. I felt tremendously sad for him. I couldn’t imagine the confusion and the fear that comes with having something this uncertain thrust at you at such an inopportune time. He was still obviously convinced he was going to die. Suddenly, I felt equally sad for myself. Sometimes one can know too much. I looked at the space capsule and felt like throwing it.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Alan.” We began to talk in earnest.

The world outside grew bright very suddenly and without warning. It was a cold, grey light which hurt your eyes and made your skin fizz. It was loud, too, a grating, otherworldly sound. I told Clark I was going to go outside and talk to them, since he seemed so nervous.

As I walked out, a snake slithered out of the front steps of the ranger station into the night. Evidently it was hiding from the indescribably tall, complex looking being, all tendrils and eyes that floated in front of me. I felt very much like a lump of flesh compared to its ethereal form. My heart beat rhythmically in my chest, and I was very aware of my breathing.

“Well,” I said. It made a noise but I didn’t really understand it. "Hm. It’s nice to finally meet. I’ve enjoyed talking to you.” As the words left my lips, I found this was a lie. A tendril reached out towards me, but I cringed and shied back.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I sensed an affirmative energy coming from its features and I shifted my feet. 

“I think- well, I think I’m going to stay here.”

I heard a tapping from behind me. Clark was at the window, wide-eyed like a child, staring up at the huge beast. I met his gaze and felt wonderfully human.

“Yes,” I continued. “I’m going to stay right here.”