A great deal of thoughts were rushing through my mind. Too many, that made me fail to remember simple things. This just made me even later.
I glanced at the clock. This was insane! I could swear I had an extra 10 minutes! They flew away like wind! Greatly distressed, I seized my coat, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door clutching onto my handbag.
As I drove, I tried to ignore the immense amount of pain I was feeling and just focus on the appointment I had with the doctor. I grew even more infuriated as the traffic jam line grew longer. I groaned and settled to wait until the light turned red.
After about thirty minutes, I finally reached the hospital. I bolted in as soon as I managed to find a parking space. I wanted to get out as soon as I could. It had too many bad memories.
I reached the counter, and as I expected, it was extremely crowded. I moved quickly to the counter and asked for a ticket. When my number was called, I'd be allowed to see the doctor. That was how crowded the public hospital was.
‘How can I help you ma’am?’ the lady at the counter asked. I felt a rush irritation. Everyone would only be asking for tickets. But still, I didn’t have the right to be mad at her.
I was just sensitive at the moment. The place reminded me of horrible things. But I swallowed my resentment and requested for a ticket.
A moment later, I was given a slip of paper which had four numbers. I gazed at the numbers: 5821. Then I gazed at the number they were showing: 5292.
This was going to be a long wait. Exasperated, I went to sit at an empty seat I found and slumped back.
Could the day get any worse? First, today turns out to be my anniversary with Paul whom I fortunately, had not seen for the last two years after the divorce.
Then, my parents had headed over to New York for a conference so I was alone.
Next, I was late for my appointment which had to be in St, Thompson Hospital which happened to be the place where I had decided to divorce. It just had too many heartbreaking memories. It always took me for a trip down the memory lane which I loathed.
I closed my eyes and tried to shake off those thoughts and just go for my general check up and go home. To distract myself, I switched on my phone and started playing games on it.
Even my favourite game: Candy Crush, was not appealing at the moment. Still, I continued playing, desperate for a distraction.
Fifteen minutes later into the game, I heard a voice on my right.
‘Is this seat taken?’ he asked. His voice sounded gruff and he wasn’t the best smelling. I shook my head indicating no. I did it without glancing up. This probably wasn’t the polite thing to do but I wasn’t in the mood to.
After a few minutes, I had just completed another level of the game and looked up to see what ticket number they were showing now. 5480. I groaned and went back to my game.
‘Having a bad day?’ the man asked.
‘Yeah, just not the be-’ I stopped midway of my sentence as I turned to look at him. He was the last person I would ever want to see in the universe.
I closed my eyes and tears came fast. My heart just wanted to scream and my mind was bursting. No, this could not be happening. He had to come on our anniversary. The day just got worse then I thought it could.
I turned and gave the man one of my most furious looks. He was taken aback.
‘Hey, I just came here for an appointment too.’ he said, guessing that I was mad he came.
My first instinct was to get up and sit somewhere else. Anywhere was better than this. But if I got up, then I would lose my place, then I would have to wait all over again.
I swallowed down the fear I was feeling and looked straight ahead. I was not going to let him come back. Ever again. I went back to my game, sort of indicating to him I wasn't going to talk.
‘Do you want to grab a bite while waiting?And I was hoping we could talk? I could reserve our seats.’ He asked nervously after ten minutes.
‘NO, Paul. Okay? I don’t want anything to do with you at all. I gave you a chance. You blew it. You don’t have a job and you were always gambling away my money. You went out all night, you drank. You let me take care of anything. You didn’t help me at all. You’ll never change. Stop trying to come back. Stay away from me! ’ I said, I sort of shouted out the last part. I just let out the emotions I was feeling. Tears were forming in my eyes once again. I had wanted this to work out but I knew it wasn’t the right thing. After I recollected myself, I glanced around anxiously wondering if people had noticed me shouting.
I sighed in relief. They had not. I gathered up the courage to look at Paul again. I expected to see sadness and pity. But I got a shock.
There was an alarming look on his face. A petrifying one that made my blood run cold. This was one of the reasons I had chosen to go separate ways. He was angry And there was no stopping him. I panicked and looked around. This was a waiting room.
‘ You are going to come back. You’re not going anywhere except my home.’ He gave me a nasty grin. He’s breath smelled and showed off several black teeth. He grabbed my hand ‘Come now.’
‘No! I have an appointment! I don’t want to be with you!’ I said. I thought I could handle Paul since I had last time. Also, I didn't want to make a scene.
‘I don’t have an appointment. Now come!’ he chuckled, then got serious again.
I realized that he was faking the whole time about having an appointment just to get to me. The most terrifying thing was, that i had no idea how he knew I had an appointment.
I was terrified. He was stronger than me. I was desperate. Suddenly, I heard the hospital’s speaker: Number 5821, please proceed to Dr Cole’s clinic.
That was my number! I glanced at Paul who was distracted by the speaker as well. I quickly snatched my hand back and scurried up front. Paul was enraged I got away. He would come back. But now, I just tried to focus on my appointment. I entered the clinic. The smell of perfume from the clinic filled my nose. I stepped in and forced myself to forget about Paul.
‘Hello Cathy, have come for your usual checkup?’ Dr Cole asked, smiling brightly.I took a deep breath. I nodded and took my seat.
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Hi Nirosha, this story was so captivating and kept me hooked until the end! Just one thing to look out: Your paragraphing. I'm also curious to know why they divorced and what Cathy had done to make Paul mad... Other than the minor errors, it's good!
Thanks a lot for the comment Niveeidha! As i mentioned in a previous comment, I was writing the story in the mind set where everything would be revealed later. I realized, I shouldn't do that since this is a prompt. Thanks very much for the comment! :)
Oh, of course! I'm sorry for my misunderstanding. However, many people on Reedsy have done Part 2 on certain prompts that are a continuation of a previous prompt. Perhaps you might want to follow that concept? Have a good day ahead!
Hmm, maybe not sure but thanks for the idea! :)
No problem, it's up to you of course, glad to know I could help you in some way!
Thanks again Niveeidha. Since I'm new to Reedsy, I am not so sure about these things. Thanks for helping to point out. :)
Wow, I felt like I was transported into a novel! How long have you been writing? It reads like you have been writing for years!
Hi Ennerine! Thanks a lot for the comment! Ha ha... actually I'm new on Reedsy and just started writing. Thanks for the comment tho! I'm very grateful and really happy to hear that. :)
I noticed you haven't been submitting for long, do you just write short stories?
Well, I like writing short stories not long ones but l haven't been submitting for long because as l said previously l'm new to Reedsy. :)
Good things here, but verb tenses and a bit of grammar touch-up are suggestions I have. Also, the story is full of rush and movement, which is fine, but it could build texture if you show more and tell less. Keep writing, because you’re headed in a good direction.
I love this story Nirosha! The way that you wrote it, made me expect and want more. I loved the way that you introduced characters, by them all playing a part in the story. I have a few questions though (that is a good thing; it goes with the "I can't wait until the next chapter" mood): Why is Cathy and later Paul at the clinic? What type of clinic is it? What is the full background story of what happened to them before this writing? Why did they get married in the first place? Why did they get divorced (Was Paul adulterous, or was it just t...
Hi Brooke, firstly, i'm sorry to hear about your grandparents divorce. I'm happy that this story had a personal connection for you. Thanks very much for your questions. I'll be sure to add more detail next time. I get that the writing wasn't quite in detail. I wrote it in a way where everything would be explained later but obviously it won't since this is just a short prompt. I'll certainly write in more detail next time. Thank you for pointing it out to me :)
I was curious why she had an appointment at the hospital, but it was just a regular checkup. I know some hospitals just have regular doctors offices but I was expecting something a bit more serious. I really liked the whole story and how you connected his controlling attitude with her need to wait in a waiting room, and then she kind of got saved in the end. It left me with hope that she could end up getting help with Paul at the doctors office. If you have a chance, can you read my story “In the waiting room” and let me know what yo...
Thanks very much for your comments. I guess I kept it as a regular check up because I wanted the main thing to be about Paul. But maybe your right, it could have been more serious. Wow, I didn't think about that, I wanted Paul to be the ultimate bad guy 😅 That is a different good idea though. Sure, I'll comment on your book soon. :)
This was a great story! One thing though, you said on the third section 'I groaned and settled to wait until the light turned RED.' Did you mean green? But overall, i really loved the story, caught me from the start!
Thanks a lot Angelina for commenting! Yeah l think l made a careless mistake with the colors. 😅 I'll be more careful next time. :)
Stunning performance! Ton's of twist and I could really see the effort you put into this. I was pulled into this story from the first line. Looking forward to more stories. I have a little suggestion; I think you could be more descriptive. That would just make your story better than it is. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! 👍👍👍
Thanks a lot Lavanya! It means a lot to me. Thanks for commenting!
Your welcome. Waiting for some more extraordinary stories!
What a rollercoaster! Already from the first sentence, I was so invested in this story. I saw some of the comments below and I just wanted to say I quite like that you kept the mystery and raised questions rather than gave too much details. This way, you kept a good pace and made the reader think. (Plus, maybe there will be a sequel?)
I'm so happy you like my story Audrey! It means a lot to me. And yes, I meant for this story to be a mystery and didn't want to give too many details. I'm glad you like the way l wrote it. Actually, many people have told me to write a part two. So l think l would do a sequel. Thanks a lot for feed backing on my story Audrey. I really appreciate it. :)
You're most welcome! Only write a sequel if it feels right to you :)
Well-written story . I liked the way you described the protagonist’s thoughts and the tense atmosphere. Good job!
Thanks for commenting Roshna! Really appreciate it. Glad you like my story :)
You are welcome! :)