11 comments

Thriller

Alice and I had been best friends since we were little kids. Our mothers met in college, so our friendship was basically an automatic one. We grew up doing most things together. From sleepovers, to taking our baths together, and even sharing the same underwear. We used to tell each other the littlest of secrets too. Though just a week apart, we shared the same birth month and year, with me being the older one. Neighbors and almost everyone at school thought we were twins except the ones who knew our last names. The truth is, anyone would have thought we were actual twins because we'd been together for so long we had begun to look alike. Our twelfth birthday was coming up by late summer of the year and, like every other little kid, we were both so excited and looking forward to it.

On a warm afternoon just before her birthday, I told my mom I'd be spending the night out at Alice's and she gladly let me. I took my dog, Hero, with me. Everyone at her place really liked having him over and it was a perfect chance to have a little walk with him since I'd not had the chance to, over the week. Alice's family lived on our street, so their house was just a little stroll down the road. 

On my way, I sighted a black SUV van parked some feet away from my best friend's apartment. In it was a man in the driver's seat who had a perfectly outlined face and big brown glassy eyes, but something about him somewhat gave off a strange feeling. He had a big mole at the top left corner of his mouth. As I looked on, I had no idea Hero had slipped away and by the time I noticed, he had turned towards the left road heading down the bakery store. Thankfully, I caught up with him before he could go any farther than he already had.

When I came up the road again, I saw Alice's mom standing by the closed front passenger door, speaking to the strange looking man in his van. The look on her face didn't seem so pleasing.

"Mrs. Johnson," I called out.

"Oh, Dora sweetheart!" she exclaimed, "What were you doing down there?"

"I'm coming over for the night. Hero ran off for a second, so I hurriedly ran after him," I smiled up at her.

"All right. Now, go on and have some fun with Alice. I'll be back in few minutes," she gestured for me to go ahead. 

As I walked away from her, I heard Mrs. Johnson call the man in the van “Mike” and I concluded they were friends. 

Mr. Johnson was helping prepare for the birthday celebration when I got in. A couple of confetti was stuck up his hair while some were plastered on his face, making him look so funny I almost burst out laughing. He looked like a Christmas tree with ornaments. My face lit up and my heart did a back flip when I saw the big cake we were having for the celebration. Hero ran towards Alice and, before I knew it, he was all over her, licking her face and tugging at her cloth. 

"Dora!" Mr. Johnson beamed when he saw me. "Your hair looks nicely done." 

"Thank you," I said. Alice's dad had a thing with complimenting my hair however messed up it was. It was only roughly packed up in a bun but he thought it looked nice anyway. I never really understood his reasons with my hair but I loved his compliments about it. 

Mrs. Johnson came in about half an hour later, carrying a paper bag. 

"You took your time," said Mr. Johnson. 

"Yeah, I had to wait for them to make some fresh ones. Freshly made doughnuts are the best," she said, wiggling the paper bag for us to come have some, but I wondered why she didn't mention seeing the man in the van.

Alice and I enjoyed the rest of the evening together. With my dog and her little brother, Sam, we had a lot more fun. Sam could be weird a little; he liked to count people's toes when they're seated and not watching, but I was used to him, so it never bothered me. 

Exhausted and worn out, we all retired to bed as early as 8pm. At half past one in the middle of the night, I got up to take a dump because I started having running stomach which was from what I had eaten earlier in the evening, I was sure. I noticed Alice was no longer in bed with me but, when I got out of toilet, I heard someone talking in whispers through the closed kitchen door, and for a second, I thought it was her. I carefully tiptoed towards the door, curious about what she was up to. And there, instead of Alice, it was her mom. She was on a phone call. 

"Mike, please," she sounded so frustrated I could tell she was trying her best not to be loud. "I understand that she's your daughter but didn't we settle this already? Alice is still a kid. I don't want to hurt her and make things hard for her." 

I was so shocked I quickly covered my mouth to prevent the gasp I let out from escaping, and it immediately struck me that Alice did look like the man I saw in the evening. She also had a mole on her mouth like the man did. I turned around and tiptoed quietly back to the room. Alice wasn't back when I got in, and that got me a bit worried, but I was thankful she wasn't there to see my perplexed face. After five minutes, the door opened and I felt her lying back in bed. 

We never kept secrets from each other, so I was torn between telling her what I knew and keeping Mrs. Johnson's secret. I had trouble falling back asleep. I kept my eyes open for a while not knowing what decision to take, but, after some minutes, I finally drifted off to sleep. 

The next morning, I decided I was not going to say a word about what had happened the previous night. But just before the birthday celebration began, my best friend called me to "our" room. She dragged me along, locking the door behind us when we got in and then, she said, 

"Dora, I need to tell you something." She had mixed expressions on her face, but I could tell she was surely nervous, and I was no doubt feeling the same way. Right there before she said anything, I knew what the situation was all about. She must have found out what happened. Just like I did, she must have heard her mom over the phone yesterday. 

"I heard mom over the phone yesterday night," she said, her voice breaking. 

"oh...," I muttered, feigning ignorance. 

With anxiety, she told me what she overheard last night, what I'd already known, but it was too huge a secret to keep just between us two. Then, she asked what I'd been dreading, "Can you keep this a secret?" 

August 20, 2020 11:18

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11 comments

Dhwani Jain
13:52 May 27, 2021

Nice story! I really liked the climax. There is one teeny-tiny error, --> "oh...," I muttered, feigning ignorance. {Here, I believe it should be Oh...} So, where are you from? Please do read my story too and send me your reviews...

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15:13 May 13, 2021

Wow! Super-creepy and so cool! Great work!

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Aman Fatima
10:21 Jan 01, 2021

Nice story I was able to imagine the whole story in my head. Keep writing

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Chloe Clayden
14:31 Aug 27, 2020

I love the little details of Mr Johnson commenting on Dora's hair and Sam counting toes - they make them all feel very real. Poor Alice, what a shock! It would have been great to have more of an insight into her feelings at the end. Why does she want Dora to keep this a secret? How does she really feel about this? Does she want an explanation? Is she sad? Angry? How does she feel about Dora overhearing her mum and choosing not to say anything? I enjoyed this story - well done!

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Black Rose
14:43 Aug 27, 2020

This has to be the best comment on this story so far. Thank you! ❤️❤️ Yeah, the story was supposed to continue. I mean, of course, Dora's feeling about keeping a huge secret needs to be elaborated, but I had to stick to the rules of the prompt. So, I thought it was better to end it in suspense. I'm hoping I'll be able to proceed with it if a prompt relevant to it surfaces. Again, I'm so thankful for your comment.

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22:41 Aug 26, 2020

Great job!! I loved this story!

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Black Rose
06:09 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you! I love nice comments, and this is one. Don't hesitate to correct me if you find any errors. I appreciate it. You can read my new story too and tell me what you think.

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Keerththan 😀
02:34 Aug 24, 2020

Enjoyable story. Wonderfully written. Welcome to Reedsy. Keep writing. Can’t wait for your next...... Would you mind reading my new story “Secrets don’t remain buried?”

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P. Jean
16:27 Aug 21, 2020

You very nicely put the reader in the scene. Nice writing!

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Black Rose
16:54 Aug 21, 2020

You're the first person leaving a comment on my story, and you won't know how much that means to me. Thank you! ❤️

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P. Jean
16:59 Aug 21, 2020

You are very welcome! First enjoy writing then enjoy the readers responses!

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