Revenge

The air had just started becoming crisp and the leaves slowly changing from their summer green to the vibrant colors of autumn the morning that I was died. Summer was quickly coming to an end and I was looking forward to the annual beach trip that my husband and I indulged in every year, but unfortunately the universe had other plans in store as to how we were going to kick off the autumn season. 

It had been a morning like any other; snooze alarm, brush teeth, apply mascara, straighten hair. Chain smoke until it’s time to get dressed and leave for work. I put out my last cigarette in the ashtray on our back deck where I spent my mornings and went inside to transfer my coffee from my “pretty good chance there’s whiskey in here” coffee mug to my plain Jane green contigo travel mug and grabbed my keys. Now HERE is where I fucked up. Something suddenly came over me and I had the urge to walk to work. The thought was fleeting and left as suddenly as it came on but I shrugged my shoulders and went with it. I was in a weight loss contest at work and I could use the exercise anyways. Plus, it was never a bad idea to try and drop a few pounds before a beach vacation. 

That was the last thing that I was thinking about before I walked out my front door and started making my descent down the steep front porch steps of our 1800s historical home, where I would ultimately meet my demise, how I wanted to lose a few pounds before vacation. I had turned around to make sure that the screen door had shut. It had, and I KNEW it had, but OCD. When I turned back around I misjudged where the next step had started and completely missed it, losing my footing and tumbling down the remainder of the cement steps and breaking my neck along the way. Sorry it isn’t something more exciting, but I’ve been clumsy my whole life so the fact that this is how I went out isn’t surprising to me in the least bit. 

Now, I had always believed in ghosts but never put much thought into the fact that I could actually become one in death. Alas, here I am, writing this story out - bet you didn’t know ghosts could write, huh? And pulling the occasional scare on people, cause let’s be serious, sometimes life as a ghost can get pretty boring. 

I’ve only been dead a little more than a month and my husband has already moved on. Turns out, he was living a secret life and had been enjoying the little red head down at his work on a very frequent basis. Unfortunately for them, my first Halloween as a ghost is tomorrow and let’s just say I have my share of fun planned for them. 

Finally the day that I had been planning since my funeral 3 weeks ago arrived. I made my way to my old house and peered in my old bedroom window where Jason and Laurel were still sleeping. I slipped in through the wall, the novelty of this still hasn’t worn off, and stood there for a moment, putting out my energies and dropping the temperature of the room 10 degrees. I had hoped that that would stir them a bit, but no such luck. Apparently I am just as impatient in my ghost life as I was in my human life because I was over waiting. I knocked the lamp off of the night stand on Jason’s side of the bed and sent it crashing to the floor. He woke up with a jump and sat straight up into bed.

“What the hell?!”

“What was that?!” Laurel yelled from her side of the bed.

“I don’t know! The freakin’ lamp fell off the night stand!”

“What? How?” Laurel asked.

Jason pulled back the covers and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know, Laurel! I was asleep just like you were!”

“You don’t need to yell at me Jason, Jesus. Any why’s it so cold in here?”

“I..don’t know.” His voice was waving with uncertainty. “Maybe the furnace is going out, it’s an old house.” He shrugged his shoulders and climbed out of bed, stumbling to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. 

I followed him, closing cupboards that he left open and holding closed the silverware drawer so that he couldn’t get a tablespoon to measure out his coffee grounds. He threw his hands up in frustration, exclaimed a few choice words and just as he was going towards the drawer to give it another go I slammed it open, rattling the silverware that was inside. 

“Okay! What the shit is going on?!”

“What now?” Laurel emerged from the bedroom finally, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. 

Jason told her what had happened.

“Well.” She said with a smirk, “It IS Halloween.” “Spoooooky” She wiggled her fingers in his face and took out 2 coffee cups from the cupboard. I slammed it shut. 

“What the hell?” 

“I told you!” Jason yelled. “Crazy shit is going on.”

“Has anything like this ever happened before?” She asked.

“Nope, never. At least not in the time that I’ve lived here.”

“Hmmm. Maybe it’s…” Her voice trailed off and she looked over at him. “Never mind.” She stated. “I’m going to go get in the shower. You wanna join me?” 

“No. I’m going to go check the furnace.”

20 minutes later they were both back in the kitchen, contemplating what to do.

“I don’t think I want to stay here once night comes.” Laurel said. “Let’s go to that Halloween party Kyle is throwing tonight and then go back to my house. We can talk more in the morning about this, but I don’t want it to ruin our first Halloween together.” She smiled at him and nuzzled her lips into his neck. He smiled and embraced her in a hug. 

“You’re right, baby. There’s probably a logical explanation for all this anyways.”

I rolled my eyes and knocked his coffee cup over.

“Okay, screw this. We’re leaving right now.”

He went to the bedroom and started packing a bag to go away for the night and came back out and grabbed his keys. Laurel was still sitting at the bar, sipping her coffee.

“Come on, Laurel! What are you doing?! Get dressed, let’s gooooo!”

“Oh don’t get your panties in a bunch” Laurel exclaimed . “It’s just a little ghost.”

“YOU were the one that suggested not staying here tonight!”

“Well….a ghost in your house is different at night time.”

“It’s literally NOT, but I am not arguing with you right now. Get your shit and let’s go, or I’m leaving without you.”

She sighed, got up and went and got dressed and got her things.

That night at Kyle’s Halloween party, Jason couldn’t shake the though of what had happened this morning at the house. There had to be a logical explanation for what was happening but he couldn’t come up with anything. Luckily for him I was still at his house, making sure he knew exactly what was going on.

“Let’s just go back to my place.” Jason told Laurel. “We’re both drunk and my house is closer to walk to.” 

“OKAY!!!!” A very drunk Laurel responded. “OOOOH!! Let’s play with a Ouija board and talk to the ghost!!”

Jason rolled his eyes and dragged her out the door. He was too drunk and too tired to care about arguing with her right now.

They arrived back at the house and stumbled up the very steps that I died on, laughing and talking along the way. Jason fumbled with his keys and after the 3rd try, finally got his key in the doorknob and turned the key. When he walked in the house he dropped his keys and stood in horror at what I had left him.

“I KNOW….” Was spelled out on the living room wall in red paint that I had found in the basement. Laurel walked into him, causing him to jump.

“OH MY GOOOOOOD!” Laurel said excitedly “THE GHOST WANTS TO TALK TO US!!!

I stood in the corner, laughing at her stupidity and made my way out the door, but not before first opening and closing all of the cupboards along the way. Maybe I would make this a holiday thing, Thanksgiving will be here before we know it.