Promotion of a Pimply Teenager

"You've only been here for two months," Gary, a middle-aged man in a white, button-up, grease-stained shirt, said.

"I thought of that, and so I wrote down several reasons you should promote me," Brice, a pimply teenage boy wearing a red Captain John's Seafood work shirt, replied.

Gary pinched the bridge of his nose with resignation. He was on hour sixty-five of an eighty-hour work week and had no energy to resist. "Alright, let's hear them."

"First, I want to thank you for the opportunity to present my reasons for promoting me as the new assistant dining room supervisor."

Gary bent his arm and made a rolling motion, unmistakably telling Brice to move it along.

"Yes, I will do that, sorry," Brice cleared his throat. He awkwardly and nervously pulled a folded sheet of paper from his back pocket, unfolded it, and began to read.

"Dear Gary, First, I want to thank you for the opportunity to…"

"Brice!" Gary interrupted.

"Um, sorry, I'll skip that part."

"Thank you," Gary closed his eyes and sunk deeper into his plastic chair.

"Ok, let me see. Where was I? Oh, yes," Brice cleared his throat.

1. I should be promoted to assistant dining room supervisor because I have grown as a person during my time here at Captain John's. I have grown by learning that I should work during my shift and not talk to customers about my science fair projects. I have grown by learning that washing my hands is not a personal preference. I've also grown by no longer giving customers the unhealthy facts of fried foods. Although I still stand on my principle of being completely honest with our customers. However, I will continue to abide by the little policy between you and me of "don't ask, don't tell." There are also smaller lessons I learned under your excellent management, such as I can not pretend to clean the bathrooms, I can not save fried foods for the next day, I can not sit on the counter shouting that anyone who needs refills can come up here and get it. I can not watch entire YouTube episodes when I take out the trash. To sum it up, I have grown so much here at Captain John's and feel I'm ready to pass on what I have learned to others.
2. Another reason I should be promoted to assistant dining room supervisor is because of the skills I've gained by working under your efficient management. I now know how to count back change instead of rounding (something I learned in my useless math class). I know how to clean the condiment dispenser with soap and water and not bleach. I know how to use a mop the proper way, on the floor and not the tables. I also know how to sweep and that the broom is never to be used as a duster. One of the skills I'm most proud of is to let the food cook until the timer goes off, and not just when I feel it's been long enough. Your lecture on salmonella poisoning was most enlightening and must be added to the knowledge I've gained here under your awesome teaching.
3. A person who has no character should not be a leader. Some wise person once said this, so I want to show you how my character has improved by your amazing example, making me completely ready to be a leader. My perseverance has increased, as you know, by my many requests for days off. Once I know what day I want off, I persevere until I get it. My patience has increased. No matter how hectic and busy we get, I never get in a hurry. I continued to work at my normal work speed, which you once said was slow, but I knew you were having a bad day, so I figured you didn't mean it. My kindness is even better. I no longer scream and walk away from annoying customers nor attempt to kick annoying co-workers. Last but not least is loyalty. Each time I walked out saying I quit, everyone knew I would only be gone that day and would be back on my next scheduled day because they knew I was a loyal person.
4. The many life lessons you've taught me have prepared me for the assistant dining room supervisor position. We both know that this job is an entry-level job and by the time I'm in my thirties or forties, I'll be moving on to bigger and better ventures. However, the life lessons will follow me wherever I go. Respect is one of those lessons I'll carry with me for life. After you pointed out how disrespectful it is to call fat people fat and ugly people ugly, I stopped. I sidestepped this bad habit of mine by calling fat people ugly and ugly people fat. Do you get it? The fat person knows he's fat, and since I didn't call him fat but ugly, he realized I was joking with him and laughed. The same goes for the ugly person. I really believe I've connected with a few of these people through this humorous method. I believe I also added hard work to my list of life lessons. This one came naturally to me since all work is hard for me. As far as I can remember, work has always been hard, so I know I've got this life lesson in the bag.

Brice lowered the sheet and looked at Gary, who said nothing but had a look that Brice had not seen before. It was a little like Lincoln's face on the five-dollar bill, mixed with the smirk of the Mona Lisa and overlaid with a picture of Einstein straining to find the unified field theory.

Brice expected applause or admiration, but this unrecognizable face was all he got. He expected to be given the position on the spot, but Gary responded with five words instead.

"I'm giving Sally the position."