Iridescent Shadow

I was in love with my shadow. 

He trailed me like a steadfast hound, my one and only. I was never without him. He was more than the absence of light obstructed by my body. That space that trailed behind me, was never mine. For years I turned in circles, reaching into the abyss and hoping he would reach back, but all I ever found was the contour of myself, etched into walls and sidewalks and streets. 

I thought I was doomed for delirium. 

How could I tell anyone that the only thing that brought light into my life was the very thing that light could not touch? But I felt him. I know I did. The warmth of my heart ignited on every sunny day. I was insatiable. 

And then, the eclipse came. 

I dreaded the moment when I stood enveloped in blackness, unable to discern where the shadow began and the love of my dreams ended. It would be only for a moment. A mere instant alone. Even a minute separated from the heart's desire feels like an eternity in bitter silence. 

At the point of totality, the junction of light and loss, I outstretched my hand towards the sun. It was at that moment, I felt his touch for the very first time. I knew without a doubt he finally reached back for me. But when I opened my eyes, he was nowhere to be found; in fact, nowhere could be found. The warmth of his touch lingered on my skin, but I could see nothing but an endless blackness surrounding me. My breath fogged from my lips as I spun in aimless circles. Everything in sight had been consumed by darkness; everything except for me. 

I stood out against the black backdrop like a star in the night sky. I could see the freckles on my arms and the wisps of strawberry hair over my brow. I looked down at my dress, which once was dull and gray, and it had become opalescent. An iridescent fog surrounded me, spreading further into the darkness with every movement of my body. Each gentle motion flushed the vacant world with color. As I took a tentative step forward, a ripple of bright hues permeated the ground beneath my feet. The more I moved the more color and life filled the desolate space. And so, I began to dance. The emptiness became my canvas and I was the brush. 

Shrouded in darkness, I danced alone, bringing with me the most enchanting light. For the first time, my shadow was corruscating and bright–The only darkness I saw was right in front of me. I twirled and leaped to the song in my heart—shimmering drops of holographic light radiating off my body like rain. I felt like the sun, slowly breathing life into the darkness. I had all but forgotten my shadowed love when the warmth of touch graced my hand once again. I knew it was him without a doubt in my mind. He held me close and whisked me from my feet. My solitary dance suddenly gained an unexpected partner. Through the air, we swayed, and the light from my body surged and faded with each step. Everywhere I colored, he returned to shadow. 

I could barely discern the features of his face through the luminescence of my own. I didn’t need to see him to know he was mine. The feeling of familiarity–like the presence of an old friend–overwhelmed me. He was my shadow, the one who followed me all my life. At last, we were united and the yearning in my heart was replaced with the glow of affection. Yet, I knew it could not last. 

“What do you think about this place?” he asked me while we waltzed along the path of light and dark. The sound of his voice made my heart flutter. 

“It’s so dark. Is it always this way?” I inquired. 

“This is how our world was made. Color and light have never had a place here. Even now, the color you bring is swallowed by our shadow.”

“Perhaps it’s time for a change. I could introduce vibrance to this dim world,” I suggested.

He spun me around and then held me tight. The sun’s warmth could not compare to the grasp of his gentle arms. Even in a place my eyes were unable to perceive, I felt safe. “Just because you do not see the beauty around you, does not mean it isn’t there. This world is full of life, though you may not see it. Don’t be so quick to disregard what you cannot see!”

I knew he was right. I could feel living things breathing and thriving all around me. Though I couldn’t behold them with my own eyes, I sensed their presence. “I could learn to appreciate it,” I said.

He leaned in close, I could feel his breath on my ear. “I’ve been searching for you,” he whispered. “And now that I’ve found you, I cannot bring myself to let you go.”

“Then don’t,” I replied hopefully. “Let me be with you here and now and never think of tomorrow.”

He placed his hand on my cheek. “You know it cannot be.”

My chest tightened. “I could stay.” 

“You do not belong here. We cannot exist together. A world like this is no place for you. I cannot exist in the light any more than you can in the darkness.”

I turned my head and saw that the light I created began to dim. The darkness swallowed the fruits of my elation as quickly as I created them. 

My shadow pressed his forehead to mine. “I have always been with you, but now, it’s time for us to part.”

Tears welled in my eyes as I clung to him the best I could. “I cannot return to the way it was. I cannot be without you!” I pleaded as if my life depended on it. 

“Without you, I’d have no shadow in which to dwell. You gave me life, and for that, I gave you this fleeting moment. It’s time for you to bring light into someone else’s life.”

He kissed me gently, then my feet touched the ground. The radiance of sunlight once more graced my skin. I stood in the field I was before, with my hand still stretched to the sky. The shadow of the moon passed on and all that was dark swelled with light. An iridescent tear dropped down my cheek. I turned to see my shadow, but no longer felt him there. 

In years to come, I loved again. I learned that the darkness had no constant place in my life. I looked to the shadows, knowing that it would always be there, even in the brightest places. The dark and the light could only ever touch, never to be as one. And still, I found that on the darkest of nights, I never danced alone.