Just cancer

“Can you keep a secret?”

Trudy held her breath for a couple seconds too long not to have to compensate this momentary lack of oxygen with a big sigh.

“Well. Can you? I need to know. Already, I’m pretty short of time.”

“I’m really good at keeping secrets.” Trudy said unconvinced about her confession that came out of her mouth fast and unexpected. She felt slightly off about it all.

Smoke did not look as if it was exactly the kind of answer he wanted to hear. Nevertheless he proceeded with a soap-opera-worthy statement.

“I have a lung cancer.”

She stood before the man her sister loved, startled and confused.

“Don’t tell Stella.”

“But… why ME? Of all people?”

“Of all people, you are the last person to tell Stella. You don’t want to see her suffer. Or do you?”

“And that’s why you enrolled?”

“I want her to know I died for some cause, that I didn’t make it in combat, not due to some stupid, bloody tumour.”

“You really think this will console her?”

“I think that she will understand.”

“Understand what?”

“My decision.”

“So you want me to tell her about your plan after all this ends?”

“No. She’s a smart girl, with her inquisitiveness she’ll know in her time.”

“Again. Why are you telling me this?”

“I had to tell someone…”

“And what am I supposed to do with this knowledge?”

“There is this fund supporting families of the vets who died because of the service-related reasons. I will take care of the paper work and you will get money for Stella and kids as a relative.”

“Wouldn’t it be MUCH easier if you just told Stella?”

“No. I don’t want her involvement in this matter.”

“That’s a bit selfish, isn’t it?”

“It would be selfish if you refused…”

“You are all serious about all this? You want to return to the military to fulfil your boyhood dreams? To what, be buried next to your father? To make it possible for Stella to call her deceased husband “a true hero”? Don’t you see obvious flaws in your reasoning? Wouldn’t it be much better for her and your boys if you stayed here, spent some together-time?”

“I am doing it for my family and second of all, I am doing it for my country, we’re at the brink of war, remember that, the situation is tense, should men like me choose not to defend our freedom OUTSIDE the borders of the US, others will have to pay for such foolishness WITHIN the borders of the US.”

“You know you’re unfit to serve in the army?”

“I have passed all the tests.”

“How?”

“I forged the documents.”

“I have no words.”

“Listen, I want my family to be proud of me. Now you don’t comprehend it all, it will serve them well in the long run.”

“Because their entire life they will be able to tell some run-of-the-mill lies about their valiant husband and father?”

“No. Because this is the right thing to do.”

“You know what the right thing to do is? You should go on a treatment. You should try and fight with the disease, not some people in the Middle East that you don’t know. Give it some thought. Know your true enemy.”

“I know what I have to do.”

“You are obsessed with being recognised. You are blinded by your want of accolade.”

“Say what you will. This is beyond me and my family. This is about dignity. I won’t die forgotten, I don’t want to be hospitalised, I have my dignity.”

Silence.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“No. This will have to go down with a resounding no from me. I will tell Stella.”

“Do as you please then. I will be far away anyways. I am leaving today.”

The man opened the door.

“Ladies first.”

Trudy remained silent and went through to the other room and then outside the house.

“Stella is coming back tomorrow, right?”

“Correct.”

“This is not to be dealt with over the telephone. You knew it too damn well, didn’t you?”

Smoke smiled cunningly.

“And when was the last time you saw her?”

“About a month ago. On her birthday party.”

“And you knew all along this would be the last time you two spent time with one another? You don’t have to make secrets, you know? There is a middle way. Back then we were here all, her parents, your mother, all of your sisters and brothers. You could have told us all.”

“And listen to the complaints?”

“You always get your own way, don’t you?”

The man was still. His face carved in stone.

“I think you misunderstood me.”

“Yeah. I think I am unable to fathom what’s in your head.” Trudy said in a disappointed tone and a minute later got into her car that was parked near the house. She started the engine and left the place with her sister’s husband waving in her direction with a strange expression on. She could not see where this was going, but had a nagging impression that something new was about to happen. At that moment she was afraid of her sister’s possible breakdown at the news she was about to reveal to her.

***

“What do you mean he went to…?”

“No Smoke without fire, eh? Or rather, no fire without Smoke…”

Stella completely ignored her sister’s forced attempt at defusing tension with a bad joke.

“For fuck’s sake! What was he thinking?”

“Calm down, hon.”

“I don’t, I won’t… This is just ridiculous. What? He thought we’ll be living off some suspicious fund for the rest of our lives?”

“I suppose…”

“What can we do now? Go after him? Leave the kids and everything and what then?”

“Easy.”

“To hell with him! What would you do were you in my shoes?”

“Well, for one I know he fabricated his medical tests. We could report that.”

“Oh, Trudy, that’s a wonderful idea!”

“Is it?” Trudy was taken aback by the sudden enthusiasm of her jittery sister.

“Absolutely. We should do it. Now. Wait a sec, where’s my phone?”

***

“I am calling you with respect to my husband, Smoke Smith.”

“The most recent, what do you call it, reinforcement? Yes, I believe that’ll be it then.”

“Yesterday.”

“What do you mean the plane crashed?”

Long pause.

“No survivors?”

Trudy raised her eyebrows waiting for a clear answer. Though everything seemed quite straightforward judging by the woman’s words and reaction. Stella hung up. She was trembling.

“The plane with his unit crashed into the ocean.”

Dead silence.

“Don’t tell the children.”

“Stell. I am so sorry…”

All of a sudden, both sisters burst into tears and began to sob uncontrollably.

“We could have prevented that. That’s all my fault.”

“You called immediately. There was nothing else you could do.”

“He wanted to die on a duty. He didn’t want to die of cancer. He died in an accident. He died in an accident. Neither on a duty nor of cancer. Where is fairness in all that? Is it all just?”