27 comments

Funny Fiction

Knock, knock


Hello, are you awake? May I come in?

Yes, sorry, shhh…I know. I’ll speak quietly. I promise I won’t wake the baby. He’s a tiny thing, isn’t he?

I, um, well, I traveled a long way to be here. I’m glad I didn’t miss it. The star, you know. It gave it away. Been watching that star now for weeks, since it appeared in the east. Well, OK, Melchior has. He hogs the telescope, but you know it’s so bright now we don’t need to use a telescope anymore, so I’ve been watching it every night.

Oh, here, this is for you. I know, I know, it’s not much, but everyone always gets stuff for the baby. No one ever thinks about the mother. Sorry, it’s only cheap perfume, not that frankincense that Caspar is so fond of. I think that stuff stinks. I hope you like this one, it’s jasmine.

I must say, this is not what I expected. You know, with all the celestial signs and everything, I kind of expected a fancy maternity ward in some high-brow Lindo Wing. Or even a nice hotel. I can’t say I ever expected to see you in a stable, not even a crib for a bed. I probably should have brought blankets. I would have, if I’d known. But the stars said a king was going to be born, and I’ve never known them to be wrong. Well, Balthazar has never been wrong. He’s the one who reads them in the paper each morning. Flicks straight to the Astrology page. Now bub here, he’d be a Capricorn. Bit stubborn and strong headed, but he’s going to be practical, reliable, serious and trustworthy. All good traits to have in a future king.

Oh, speaking of Balthazar, would you mind not telling him that I was here? I’m not supposed to come, you see. When we set out a few weeks back, we had decided to all come along, leave the astronomy lab unattended for a while—it’s not like anyone listens to our predictions, anyway. And as this is a once in a lifetime, once in a millennium, or really a once in an eternity kind of event, none of us wanted to be left out.

Along the way, we crossed paths with some travelling minstrels. You know the type, merry gentlemen, (bless them,) all song and dance, no real plans for the future, fly by the seat of your pants kind of guys. Well, we told them about our journey and they seemed pretty interested. They drank lots of wine, played lots of music and danced like wild things. They even made up a song. Old Balthazar, he got quite excited. It was the first time someone ever sang a song about us, actually the song was only about three of us. You see, they said the lyrics don’t fit so well for four. “We Four Kings of Orient are…” yeah not quite as good a ring to it, hey? So the boys and me, we cast lots to see who would miss out, and you guessed it. It was me. I got booted from the caravan. Had to walk the entire way here.

The minstrels said they’d like to pop in for a visit, you know, sing a song, bang a drum, par rum pa pum-pum and all that. If I were you, I’d head out of here as soon as you can. They’re a noisy bunch, will like as not wake the baby. They didn’t seem to be in too much of a hurry though. Might take them a few hundred years to get here, so you probably don’t need to rush.

I say, it’s kind of noisy here for a little one. Hey Angels, do you think you can tone down some of that Gloria-ing and Hosanna in excelsis deo-ing? The baby’s sleeping and mum looks like she could do with a bit of hush-hush. Here, love, you get a bit of shut-eye while you can. When my sister had her first, she was exhausted. Get some sleep while the baby sleeps, you know, otherwise you’ll be burnt out. I’ll just watch him a bit while you nap. I see dad is catching some Z’s. Must have pulled an all nighter with you, poor guy. Looks shattered.

These cattle keep lowing—never knew what that sound was—but yeah, it’s a nicer sound than mooing, don’t you think? Oh, look bub’s awake, sorry. I didn’t speak too loud now, did I? He’s not crying, though, a pretty content little fella. Can I hold him, rock him a bit for you?


Knock knock


Hello, welcome, come in. Guess what, Bub, we’ve got more company. Hey, shepherds, can you keep it down? The momma’s getting a little shut-eye, been a long time here in Bethlehem, and she’s pretty much done in, poor thing. Have a look, isn’t he just the cutest little bundle? I think he has his father’s chin, well, dad’s down for the count, but you can kind of see his strong jaw beneath that beard. Bub is probably going to have quite a prominent chin too.

So you guys travelled here because of the star too? It’s pretty spectacular, isn’t it? Like a neon sign in the sky, flashing and crying out, look here! And the angels? I suppose you heard them on high? You can’t miss them, can you? A pretty unique kind of birth announcement, but I suppose, the birth of the King of Kings can afford to be a bit more dramatic and flashy than us ordinary folk.


Knock knock


Oh, hi! Look everyone, it’s Melchior, Balthazar, and Caspar. What took you guys so long? I can’t believe I got here first. I was on foot and you took all the camels. Did you get stopped by another travelling band of minstrels? Have a few drinks? Oh, you stopped to buy gifts; I see.

Gold? Really Melchior, you don’t think you could have at least bought a gift card and put it in an envelope? I suppose this way, they can spend it wherever ever they want, but it does seem like a lack of thought went into your gift.

Myrrh, it’s at least practical, Balthazar, but perhaps ointment for nappy rash would be easier for them to use.

Of course you brought frankincense, Caspar. No, don’t light it, there’s not enough room here and the smell, you know, it’s quite pungent, although I suppose it couldn’t smell worse than the sheep.

Well, it seems we’ve all come from near and far to witness this special event. The star has led us all here, and it won’t stop shining. It’s a bit hard for the poor mum and dad to sleep with all this light and all the visitors. Perhaps we might need to get going and let this little family rest. What do you say? Yeah, come on, you can kneel by the crib and say goodbye, one at a time.

Ok, off you go, thanks for coming, I’ll pass your love on to the momma and dad, when they wake. Safe travels.

Ahh, that’s it, they’ve all gone. Peace and quiet, thank the Lord. A silent night at last.





April 09, 2024 01:39

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27 comments

Kayden Solace
05:43 May 17, 2024

I really like the Fourth's voice. He's chatty and funny and somehow manages to narrate everything to where you can understand the events of the story. Good job!

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Michelle Oliver
10:46 May 17, 2024

Thank you Kayden. It was a fun one to write.

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Irene Duchess
02:22 May 08, 2024

Very fun to read. enjoyed it a lot. :)

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Michelle Oliver
02:29 May 08, 2024

Thanks it was fun to write

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Jenny Cook
00:24 Apr 20, 2024

Michelle,I loved your slant on the traditional Christmas story. Very cleverly written and a joy to read.

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Michelle Oliver
03:23 Apr 20, 2024

Thank you for reading.

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Isabella Montoya
19:30 Apr 17, 2024

I love how you took the Nativity story and made it funny by telling it from the perspective of the fourth wise man (who got kicked out of the caravan). Very funny story and it was great to read it. I love your stories and creativity!

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Michelle Oliver
22:17 Apr 17, 2024

Thanks for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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Martha Kowalski
20:23 Apr 15, 2024

wow this was such an imaginative take on the prompt and the Nativity story - well done so very much!

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Michelle Oliver
22:40 Apr 15, 2024

Thanks for reading.

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Viga Boland
23:29 Apr 12, 2024

Remarkable how different these prompts are for each of us. This story really surprised me Michelle…a modern take on an ancient and much loved story. Your imagination never ceases to amaze me. Wonderful!

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Michelle Oliver
00:13 Apr 13, 2024

Thank Viga. It was fun to write

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23:04 Apr 09, 2024

Love it and also ur stories r awesome

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Michelle Oliver
23:38 Apr 09, 2024

Thank you for reading

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23:52 Apr 09, 2024

np aw and ur dog is so cute

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Michelle Oliver
00:15 Apr 10, 2024

Thanks. His name is Baloo and he’s a boof-head but I love him.

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05:45 Apr 10, 2024

Aw 🥺

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Ty Warmbrodt
22:50 Apr 09, 2024

I love this take on the nativity with the fourth wise man narrating - very fun. It really brought a reality to it to that Mary would have been wiped out just like any other mother after child birth. Sometimes We forget to stop and think about the humanity of people in the Bible, especially Jesus.

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Michelle Oliver
23:38 Apr 09, 2024

Yeah, poor Mary. She really gets hard done by in so many biblical stories. It’s easy to forget she was just a mother, and a very young one doing her best.

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Mary Bendickson
19:43 Apr 09, 2024

So much fun and a witty take on only the most special star lit night. Was wondering about the angle of eclipse on day of His death but kind of did that theme last week.

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Michelle Oliver
23:35 Apr 09, 2024

Yeah, I don’t think I could go the Calgary route and do justice to the story. It’s very deep. Thanks for reading this one.

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17:58 Apr 09, 2024

😄 Love it. Lots of fun to read, and (presumably) fun to write, too! Let's hope all of the shepherds don't show up, or someone'll have to be kicked out to make room - I just hope they won't vote out the baby ;)

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Michelle Oliver
23:33 Apr 09, 2024

Thanks I had fun writing it. Yeah those shepherds, far too many of them.

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Darvico Ulmeli
08:42 Apr 10, 2024

When I figured what the story was about it jus get me more interested to read more. Enjoyed completely in every part. Nice take on the prompt.

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Michelle Oliver
09:50 Apr 10, 2024

Thank you. It was a fun one to write, so I’m glad it was enjoyable to read too.

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Trudy Jas
12:58 Apr 09, 2024

Fun! We all need a yenta nanny.

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Michelle Oliver
13:09 Apr 09, 2024

Thanks Trudy, Yeah I always feel sorry for Mary. She’s just given birth and then has to entertain hoards of people who have come to gawk. At least offer to mind the baby so she could have a nap!

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