Better Forgotten than Remembered

‘Beep beep beep’ a sound echoed through the room. Slowly, she opened her eyes and blinked at the bright light shining down at her. Where was she? What was that noise? With great caution, she sat up. Looking around the room, she realized she was in a hospital room. The noise was coming from the heart monitor beside her hospital bed. Why was she here? What happened to her? She felt numb all over her body. She couldn’t feel anything. She lifted her hand and looked at it. It looked pale and thin, like a dead body’s. She clenched her fist, trying to feel something. But… all she felt was numbness. She rotated her wrist. This was her hand, right? Then, why did she feel so detached from it? She felt as though she was in someone else’s body, a thought that frightened her slightly. Gulping, she looked around the room, searching for some kind of answers to the questions whirling through her mind. She noticed a clipboard hanging at the end of the hospital bed. She got up and reached out to it. It was unnerving to feel nothing when she touched the wooden board, not being able to feel its roughness underneath her fingertips. Carefully, she took the board and held it in her hands. She read the first page.

Patient’s name: Felicity Holloway

Gender: Female

Age: 19

Felicity Holloway. That was her name. She was Felicity Holloway. “Felicity Holloway” She rasped out, realizing how dry her throat felt. It wasn’t her main concern though. If she was Felicity Holloway, why did the name sound so foreign to her own ears? The name didn’t trigger any thoughts or memories. It felt like someone else’s name, not hers. Maybe it did belong to someone else? But if it did, why was it hanging from her bed? The more she thought, the more questions started forming inside her head. How and why did she end up in the hospital? Where was this hospital located? What was she doing before she ended up here? Unfortunately, her mind didn’t provide her with any answers. She decided to go search some by herself. Getting off the bed, she placed her bare feet on the white tiled floor. She felt disconcerted, not being able to feel the coldness of the tiles. Gingerly, she put on foot in front of the other, almost as if she was testing them out. She walked fine, which she supposed was a relief. The systems in her body were functioning fine. She started walking towards the door, only to stop when she saw a mirror on her side. The mirror was a huge wall-length mirror in which she could see her full reflection. Curious, she stepped closer to it. There was a pale, thin girl staring back at her. She had messy dirty blonde hair, dull green eyes, thin pink lips, and some bruises on her face and arms. This was her. This was Felicity Holloway. Why did she look so sickly? Reaching one thin finger out, she touched the surface of the mirror. It was really her. She was this sickly looking person. She looked malnourished as if she hadn’t eaten in weeks. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t.

Taking a step back, she was reminded of her earlier mission. To find some answers. She shouldn’t be getting distracted. Walking back to the door, she opened it and stepped outside. She can feel the sensation of the carpeted floor on her feet and the cold air around her. The numbness was starting to fade, something she was thankful for. Not feeling anything was unsettling for someone who had the feeling of touch. She looked up and down the long corridors. The lights hanging from the ceiling flickered ominously, the paint on the walls was peeling off. There were multiple stains on the carpet, something that made her feel slightly nauseated. The crumbling hallway was a sharp contrast to the well-maintained hospital room. It made her think about whether she really was in a hospital. Taking a tentative step outside, she scanned the corridors. She was silent, hoping to hear some voices that would lead her somewhere. For a few moments, there was nothing. Deciding to follow wherever her instincts lead her, she turned right and started walking down. Slowly, she started feeling more sensations, like how light the hospital gown was on her skin or how scratchy the carpeted floor felt underneath her feet. It gave her some comfort, knowing she wouldn’t be numb forever. As the seconds ticked by, she felt herself feeling more and more. Now that she got her sense of touch back, she started walking faster. It was around five minutes later, at least she thinks so, before she was met with an interjection. Deciding to take another right, she continued walking.

She stopped walking when she saw a door with the sign ‘Pantry Room’. ‘Hmmm, it would be easier to find answers if I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown’ She thought. Twisting the doorknob, she realized it was unlocked. Pushing the door open, she was instantly hit with the scent of cleaning supplies and lemons. It made her retch at how strong the scent was. Trying her best to ignore the smell, she searched the room until she found what she was looking for when she entered. A pile of neatly folded, dark blue nurse uniforms. Taking a pair, she stripped out of her hospital gown and wore the uniform. It would be better if she investigated in a nurse’s uniform. It won’t raise many suspicions as compared to a patient’s gown. Once she was done, she stepped out back into the hallway. It took her a while, but she finally managed to get herself out of the poorly-maintained hallway into a modern, clean hallway. This hallway looked like it belonged to a hospital, which confused her more. Were there two buildings joined together? If this hallway belonged to the hospital, what about the one she was in? She needed answers. She continued walking, stopping short when she saw two doctors walking in her direction. One of them noticed her and called her out.

“Where is your nametag nurse? Are you new here?” The doctor asked. Thoughts raced through her mind, trying to come up with answers which do not sound too suspicious. She would be in deep trouble if they found out she was a patient, ruining her chances in getting some answers. “Y-Yea. I-I am…Nurse Riley. I just joined here yesterday. I-I forgot my nametag. I’m sorry” She stuttered out. The other doctor raised his brow. “Then why are you here? This is a restricted area that is only accessed by a few people. The hospital is that way.” He said, pointing to the left of him. Oh no. “I-I’m sorry, I-I got l-lost” She apologized, hoping he bought her lie. Thankfully, he nodded, and both the doctors left. Signing a breath of relief, she went in the direction of where the doctor pointed. She could hear some faint noises. The more she walked into the clean, blue corridors, the louder the noises got. She realized it was the sounds of patients, doctors, and nurses. She smiled, thinking she was finally free. If her estimation was correct, she would be out of this place in ten minutes. As she walked towards the noise, she caught a snippet of a conversation in one of the empty patient rooms.

“I’m surprised she is still alive.”

“What do you mean doctor?”

She guessed it was a conversation between a doctor and a nurse. Peering into the small transparent glass of the door, she saw a male doctor talking with a female nurse.

“It’s true. Ms Holloway is truly a resilient woman” The doctor said. She gasped quietly. That was her name. They were talking about her! “Why do you say that doctor?” The nurse questioned curiously. “You know the new machine we got last week?” The doctor asked. The nurse nodded. “Yes, the one that can analyze and interpret brain waves to show what someone is thinking” The nurse answered. “Correct. When Ms Holloway came to us in a stretcher, bloodied, we first treated her. Apparently, she was in a car accident. Poor girl, she was so malnourished there was a doubt if she could even survive the operation. But she did, which was frankly a miracle. Next, we used the machine on her to see what she had been thinking. Well, Dr Kyle did. After that, he used a form of hypnosis to get her to talk” The doctor replied. Hypnosis? Machine? How come she didn’t remember any of this? “Is that safe doctor?” The nurse asked. The doctor shrugged. “I’m not sure. She passed out after the fifth hypnosis treatment” He answered. She gulped. Oh gosh, what did these people do to her? “Dr Kyle hasn’t come to the hospital in a few days. What happened to him?” The nurse inquired. A dark expression took over the doctor’s face. He looked down at the table. “He was the doctor in charge of Felicity Holloway. But, the things she said and experienced, he couldn’t take it. After admitting Felicity to the hospital once she passed out, Kyle went home. His wife found him hanging in their room the next day. He killed himself” He explained. She felt her throat tighten and tears stung her eyes. What did she say that lead the poor doctor to commit suicide? The nurse gasped, her eyes wide in horror.

“Did he write down what Felicity thought and said?” The nurse whispered. She had to strain herself to hear what the nurse said. The doctor nodded, gesturing to the thick brown file on the table. “It has Felicity’s history, along with whatever hell she experienced. No one dared to look into it. Not after two other doctors and three nurses killed themselves after reading it. We are planning to burn it. And once Felicity waked up…well, we will see what we can do” The doctor explained. The nurse nodded. She, on the other hand, can’t believe her ears. Her past killed six people. What was she? What did she experience to cause death in six people? She noticed the doctor and nurse heading for the door. Immediately ducking down and moving away from the door, she stayed silent as the nurse and doctor walked out of the room and headed down to the noisy part of the hospital, oblivious to her presence. Standing up and entering the room, she saw the brown file sitting on the table. It was labeled ‘Felicity Holloway’. There was a note attached to it with a warning. ‘WARNING: READ THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK’ said the note. She gulped again, though there was no saliva due to her parched throat. Her fingers reached out and touched the rough surface of the file. This is it. She can finally find out who she was, why she was in a hospital, what truly happened to her. She was finally able to get all the answers needed. But, was she ready to handle it? Six people couldn’t, leading to their death. Can she? Can she handle the truth about herself? She looked at it. Stared at it. Then turned around and walked out of the room. She walked till she reached the busy part of the hospital. She walked to the exit of the hospital. She only stopped walking once she reached the bus stop.

An elderly woman was sitting there. She looked up when she sat down. “Are you ok dear? You look a bit pale” The elderly woman asked, concern all over her face. She smiled. “I’m fine. Just lost my parents a few days ago and was wondering how I am going to go on from here. I’m only 17” She lied. The woman smiled sadly “I lost my granddaughter last week to cancer” The woman replied. A comfortable silence settled over them before the woman spoke up. “Why don’t you come over to my house dear? You look like you haven’t eaten in months” The woman said. She looked out into the road. “I don’t want to impose” She whispered. The woman shook her head. “I live alone now, without my husband or my granddaughter with me. It would be better if I had company. Better for you too. It’s hard to live alone especially after the loss of a loved one” The woman said. She turned to face her. She felt herself smile. The woman smiled back at her. “I’m Doretha Collins” Doretha introduced. “I’m…Tanya Riley” She replied. Doretha’s smile became bright. The bus came and Doretha gestured to her. “C’mon Tanya” Doretha said. Tanya got up and followed her to the bus. Not stopping once to look back. Felicity Holloway had died. But Tanya Riley lives.