Thanatophobia

Thanatophobia: the fear of death

“I know this is going to be a weird question but who’s afraid to die,” Cole said breaking the silence in the room. A series of yes’s and no’s filled the room.

“Heaven, how are you not afraid to die,” Courtney shouted once she heard her answer. Her name was Haven but they called her Heaven as a joke. Her name had been related to something good when she, herself, had not been. 

“I’m just not, I can’t really explain it,” Haven shouted back.

“I can explain,” Sybil chimed in.

“So then explain,” Courtney said.

“Well death is inevitable so I’m not afraid of it.” That was as simple as Sybil could put it.

“I don’t understand, repeat that.” Courtney couldn’t hear her answer considering it had been loud in the room.

Frustrated Sybil restated what she had said, “I’m gonna die anyway so I’m not scared.”

Courtney had moved to Sybil by then, “I don’t understand how you wouldn’t be scared. I guess I fear the unknown.”

“How can you possibly be scared of what you don’t know.”

“Because I don’t know it.”

“But why though?”

“Like I said I don’t know it so I fear it.”

“Why do you automatically fear something when you don’t know it?”

“I don’t know, I just have always known everything and not knowing something scares me.”

“I still don’t get it but whatever.” They both sighed and moved back to the topic of death.

“Aren’t you scared of what happens to you after you’re gone?”

“You can say dead, Court, and no I don’t really care what happens to me.”

“Why don’t you care?”

“I’m going to be dead, right? So I won’t even be there to experience whatever happens.”

“What about your soul?”

“What my soul gotta do with any of this?”

“That literally is what connects your mind and body.”

“Not sure that’s how it works but okay.”

“Whatever.” Courtney playfully shoved Sybil’s shoulder as if they were friends. They were friends before but they kind of fell off.

“Aren’t you scared of where you’re going when you,” Courtney hesitated, “die?”

“Who says I’m going anywhere?”

“The Bible.”

“I don’t believe in that stuff.”

“How could you not?”

“I just don’t.”

“But how? You aren’t scared.”

“What would I be scared of?”

“Death.”

“Then no.”

“So you don’t think you’re going to Heaven or Hell?”

“Nope. When I die I’m just gonna be dead nothing more nothing less.”

“Then where would your soul go?”

“Who says I have a soul?”

“Stop. For real you don’t believe that you’ll go anywhere.”

“Yeah and if I do end up going anywhere it won’t bother me where I would go.”

“How can you just not believe in it?”

“I just don’t. Religion was never something that interested me.”

“How could you be an atheist?”

“I would say I’m agnostic but like I said it doesn’t bother me or scare me?”

“What does agnostic mean? Also, how are you not scared?”

“You can look up what being agnostic means and no I’m not scared. Why are you scared?”

“Because I don’t know where I’ll go or what would happen to me?”

“What if nothing happened to you?”

“That would be even worse”

“Why?”

“Because that’s just more stuff I don’t know which as I said before horrifies me.”

“Horrifies is a strong word.”

“It describes how I feel perfectly.”

Courtney continued, “So you don’t go to sleep every night petrified that you might not wake up?”

“Nope. Look at it this way, you are going to die eventually, it will happen so why be scared of it?”

“Because I don’t know what will happen. Do you not understand?”

“No, I don’t. Why not embrace the fact that you will die and live life?”

“Because I might die.”

“That’s why you have to have fun living.”

“How do you have fun when you might die?”

“By having fun.”

“No.”

“What do you wanna do right now?”

“Ride a motorcycle. I don’t see how this has to do with anything?”

“If you wanna ride a motorcycle, ride a motorcycle because one day you’ll be dead and you won’t be able to do it anymore.”

“But what if I die in the process?”

“Then you die doing something you wanted to do.”

“I’m still scared.”

“Ugh, what don’t you understand?”

“I understand perfectly fine, I’m going to be dead one day and I don’t know what happens after that.”

“Which is why you should do what you want now so you don’t regret not doing it later.”

“No, I might die.”

“God, you’re not getting it.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in that.”

“It’s complicated. As I was saying since you will die you should do what you want. Whatever you feel like doing, just do it before you can’t.”

“But half the things I wanna do will result in me dying.”

“At least you died doing something you wanted to do.”

“Now you’re the one not getting it. I don’t want to die or get hurt. I just want to live carefree.”

“Why can’t you live carefree doing what you like?”

“Because I will die.”

“You’re going to die sooner or later. Why not just do what you like?”

“Sybil, I cannot with you right now you just aren’t getting it.”

“What am I not getting?”

“That I am scared to die.”

“But why?”

“I already answered this a million times. Talking to you is like talking to a wall.”

“That was extremely rude and I’m going to have to ask you to take it back.”

“I am oh so very sorry Sybil it won’t happen again.”

“I forgot how funny you were.”

“Yeah, we haven’t spoken in a long time.”

“I bet we could change that.”

“Well. we’re talking right now aren’t we.”

“I guess we are now back to dying.”

“Do you want to live?”

“Of course I wanna live, I just- I honestly don’t know how to explain it other than the fact I might as well live my life the way I want before it's gone.”

Courtney sighed, “You’re not gonna understand why I’m scared and I’m not gonna understand why you’re not scared so let's just talk about something else.”