For Pete’s sake!

A “Oh for Pete’s sake!”

B “Pete’s got nothing to - on second thought.”

A “Well for the love of Pete would you just listen to me and pull.”

B “There you go again. Poor Pete. And I am pulling, you pull!”

A “Remind me again why I put up with you?”

B “My charm, my good looks, my witty repartee, take your pick, and did you just say for Pete’s sake? Seriously, what century do you think we’re living in?”

A “No, yes, maybe. I don’t know. It gets confusing. Now put your back into it.”

B “Ok, ok. But I need a second, he weighs a ton.”

A “Fine, there you’ve had your second now - Aye where do you think you’re going? Don’t you dare leave me alone with him.”

B “Relax, I’m just going to stand outside this door. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.”

A “I’m getting a headache and I blame you.”

B “It’s a talent and you’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first. Ahh, question? Why are you winking at me like a crazy person?”

A “I’m not winking, I’m plotting your murder.”

B “Found your last nerve again have I? What can I say, it’s another gift.”

A “Can we please focus on the task at hand? You take the back half this time.”

B “Fine but I’m not happy.”

A “Duly noted. Now lift.”

B “Oomph, Pete really is heavy.”

A “Quit complaining, it could be worst. Stop here so I can open the gate.”

B “Like what? Spiders? I hate spiders.”

A “An arachnophobic assassin. I have no words.”

B “Better than a flower-loving assassin.”

A “Gardening is a perfectly reasonably hobby and a great place to hide a body in a pinch. Exhibit Pete.”

B “I still think the world would be a better place without them. All those legs and hairy little bodies. Can you imagine if - ”

A “Shh don’t tempt the Fates. I think they’re still mad at us from last time.”

B “How many times must I apologize for that plus it wasn’t strictly my fault.”

A “It never is.”

B “Hey, I heard that.”

A “Good.”

B “Whatever. Are we there yet?”

A “Just over that – mind the branches. You’d think you’d never been here before.”

B “It's all this fog, I – wait, what was that?”

A “What was what?”

B “Something just fell on me.”

A “Don’t drop Pete! If he shatters Medusa will kill us. Or worse. Put him down nice and easy.”

B “It’s a spider. I know it. Get it off, get it off!”

A “Will you hold still?”

B “No. It’s a spider! I can feel it.”

A “Keep your shorts on.”

B “I’m wearing pants thank you very much.”

A “You know what I mean. Hold still for 2 seconds.”

B “Is it off yet?”

A “Yes, you big baby and for the record, your ‘spider’ was a beetle.”

B “Felt like a spider.”

A “If you say so.”

B “Stop it.”

A “Stop what?”

B “Judging me.”

A “No I’m not.”

B “Yes you are.”

A “We’re in a forest.”

B “Arachnophobic remember? You know I can’t help it. Plus, I know you.”

A “Fine, I’ll stop. Happy?”

B “Overjoyed.”

A “Sarcastic much?”

B “Sorry, it’s my only defense when you get like this.”

A “Me? What did I do? Never mind, don’t answer that. Let’s keep moving, we’re almost there.”

B “Good. I hate all this late-night cloak and dagger stuff.”

A “You really picked the wrong profession then.”

B “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind the killing. It’s all this cleaning up business. I need a break.”

A “Me too. Wait, what are you saying?”

B “I’m saying, how long have we been doing this?”

A “What’s today?”

B “Tuesday.”

A “Then a millennium at least.”

B “Precisely and I still don’t get why she made us do it.”

A “It’s literally our job.”

B “Yeah, I guess. Have you ever made an exception?”

A “Once.”

B “What, who, when? How come I’m only hearing about this now? I thought we were friends.”

A “Her name was Helena.”

B “Oh man, the Trojan job? That was a disaster.”

A “Yeah, tell me about it. We need to keep moving.”

B “Ok but you take this end.”

A “Fine.”

B “So, Helena huh?”

A “No, I’ve said too much already.”

B “Come on, that’s not fair. You’ve got to give me something. It’s in our friendship fine print.”

A “Mmm-hmm. Mind the rocks!”

B “Oops! Do you think she’ll notice?”

A “It’s fine. We’ll set him up on the far side now put your back into it.”

B “Oomph, this stinks. All these statues trapped here gives me the creeps.”

A “Mmm-hmm.”

B “Is it just me or does Medusa’s garden seem bigger to you?”

A “It’s enchanted or cursed or something. Now quit jabbering and help me situate one-armed Pete.”

B “Good one. Should we give him a view? It’s not like he’ll be stuck like this from the rest of eternity.”

A “Fine. How about here?”

B “On the moss?”

A “He can face Xena.”

B “Didn’t Xena hate him?”

A “I don’t know.”

B “I have an idea.”

A “Oh yeah? When has that ever helped us before?”

B “Haha funny one. Seriously though, let’s face him towards the water. It will be way better for his peace of mind.”

A “Whatever gets this over with.”

B “Great, now help me swivel him.”

A “Don’t tip him like that! Unless you want to do a billion piece puzzle.”

B “Oh you mean like this?”

A “The moss you idiot. Watch out, he’s slipping.”

B “Not on my watch. Phew, that was close.”

A “I’m coming round your side. We can push him together. Whatever you do, no more ideas! Don’t move. Don’t even breathe too loudly. ”

B “Oh no.”

A “What now?”

B “Is that a sp-spider!”

A “Don’t – nooo!”

B “So, new jobs then?”

The End